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B.J Sandburg Legacy. Part Two.
Jim watched as Blair's face went blank with shock. His head ached like hell and his vision was coming in and out alarmingly, but he could see enough to know the question had stunned his partner.
"What?" Blair said in a small voice. "What did you say?"
That persistent doctor elbowed his way into the conversation again. The white-coated fool was blocking his view of Blair's face and when he insinuated his body between them their linked hands were pulled apart. Jim would have reached up and pushed him out of the way if he'd had the strength.
"What's the last thing you remember, Jim?" the doctor asked insistently. Jim frowned into his face and then peered over his shoulder. Blair had his back to him now, arms crossed over his chest as if he were trying to keep warm.
"Jim?" the doctor insisted.
"What?" Jim said irritably to the doctor. He dismissed him and looked over his shoulder again. "Chief? Blair?" The younger man's heartbeat was hammering in his ears and suddenly Jim was afraid. He glared into the doctor's face. "I need to talk to my partner," he insisted, his words slurring.
Blair turned and took his hand again, his face carefully blank. "I'm here, Jim," he said reassuringly. The smile he attempted was quite a good try, but even Jim could see through it, crappy as he felt. He squeezed the cold fingers, noting the pale skin, the shocked look in his eyes.
"Talk to me, Chief," he pleaded, shooting an embarrassed glance at the doctor. "Tell me what's happened."
""You were in a car accident," Blair said.
"Mr. Sandburg," the doctor protested. "May I have a word with you?"
Jim kept his eyes fixed on his Guide's. "When?" he whispered.
"Two days ago."
Jim examined his face for lies, but although still veiled to him he was sure Blair was telling him the truth. He breathed out a small sigh of relief. "Two days?"
"Please, Blair," the doctor inserted. "It's not uncommon for a patient who's suffered head trauma to experience some memory loss. We need to ascertain how much memory loss before we decide what to tell him."
Jim gritted his teeth, trying to dial down the throbbing pain in his skull and having little success. "Decide what to tell me?" he said angrily. His words were slurring again and he fought for control. "This is my memory here, Doc."
"Jim," Blair said firmly, and Jim's attention snapped back to his Guide instantly. "You suffered head injuries and your neck is in a brace because of the whiplash from the impact."
Jim glanced down and noticed the plastic padded brace for the first time. He could feel the bandage on his face and beneath it the throbbing pain of his wounds.
"You're in pain, Jim and you're tired. Are you aware your words are slurring?"
Jim tried to nod but instead was forced to close his eyes as a jagged pain arced across his brow. Unfortunately once closed his eyes didn't want to reopen.
"You rest, love," Blair whispered. His words soothed Jim's wounded mind and he let them ease him into sleep.
~~~~~
"Who are Jordan and Ammie?" For a moment the words didn't make sense to Blair and all he could do was shake his head. "What?"
But there was genuine innocence in Jim's muzzy blue eyes and Blair felt his shock turn to horror. When the doctor stepped between them it was a relief to be able to pull away from Jim, to turn and try to regain his composure.
"Who are Jordan and Ammie?"
Creeping cold prickled over Blair's skin and he hugged himself. Jim is awake, he lectured himself. Jim is alive. He closed his eyes and absorbed that for a few moments.
Urgency and fear in his partner's voice sent him spinning back around, trying for reassurance. Don't worry, my love. You're hurt and confused. I know you'd never consciously deny our children.
Jim was in pain but it was obvious he still knew something was wrong. Blair answered his questions, his heart pounding with fear as Jim's eyelids grew heavy and his voice slurred. All of his own questions would have to wait, all he could do was let his voice ease his lover to his sleep.
"You rest, love," Blair whispered. "We'll be waiting for you when you wake up."
~~~~~
"As I said, it's quite common in cases of head trauma."
"Will he get his memories back?" Every muscle in Blair's body was locked, waiting for the answer.
"There's no way to know for sure of course," the doctor mused. "And at this point we don't know how far back his memory loss goes."
"But in your experience," Blair insisted, trying to keep his hysteria out of his voice. "In these kinds of cases does the patient get his memory back?"
The doctor patted his shoulder reassuringly. "Usually yes," he said kindly. "The kind of amnesia they like to show on TV is very rare indeed. I wouldn't be surprised if he never remembered the accident itself, perhaps even the entire day of the accident might be gone. But I'm sure the rest of his memory will filter back in time."
Relief made Blair's legs week and he leaned back against the wall. No guarantees, but even some hope was better than none. "How much time?" he breathed.
"Impossible to say. But I must insist you don't tell him any more than he needs to know right now. It will only confuse him, and he might not be able to tell when he's really remembering or whether he's only remembering what you tell him."
Blair nodded, seeing the sense of this. "What do I tell him when he asks..." He broke off, throat tight. "When he asks about the things he doesn't remember?"
"Tell him what I just told you. I'm sure he'll understand."
Blair huffed a small laugh. "You don't know Jim Ellison."
~~~~
Jim swam awake with a groan he couldn't suppress. His head was pounding like a jack-hammer and his skin was stinging sharply.
"Dial it down, Jim," his Guide murmured in his ear and Jim desperately groped for control, visualizing the dials and slowly turning them down. It had been some time since he'd needed to perform such a basic task. He'd long ago reached the stage where dialing down his senses had become almost second nature.
"I feel like crap," Jim mumbled. When his jaw moved he could feel plaster pulling at his skin and he raised his hand, fumbling in sudden panic at the bandages on his face.
"It's okay," Blair soothed, and a hand took his flailing hand and held it gently. "Do you remember waking up before? Do you remember what I told you?"
Jim opened his eyes carefully. Blair's face was close, his eyes full of love and concern. "I was in an accident?" Jim recalled slowly.
"That's right," Blair praised. "What else do you remember, Jim?"
Jim frowned, trying to blink away the ache between his eyes. "My head hurts," he confessed.
Blair stroked Jim's hand, lifting it to his cheek. "I know it does. But the doctor's given you as high a dose of pain-killers as he dares. They still have some tests to run today."
Jim felt Blair's skin on the back of his hand, letting it ground him, calm his fears. With Blair close by he could relax and let himself get through this. "What happened, Chief?"
"You were hit at an intersection," Blair explained. "A drunk driver hit the side of the car and your head hit the window."
"Ouch," Jim grimaced. "Was anyone else hurt?"
"No. They found the driver passed out down by the docks, still sitting behind the wheel of the car."
Jim searched Blair's face. "What aren't you telling me?" he said perceptively.
Blair's fingers tightened around his hand. "You tell me," he said quietly.
Jim frowned, cataloging his body limb by limb. "Am I okay?"
"Other than that hard head of yours," Blair smiled. "Yeah, you'll be okay. They want to check and make sure your brain isn't swelling up or anything. I told 'em not to worry, there's plenty of room in there."
Jim smiled back because that's what Blair seemed to need, but his instincts were kicking back on line and they were screaming that something was very wrong.
"Chief?" he said quietly. "You're scaring me here. What's wrong?"
Blair's smile faded and he looked down at their linked hands, absently stroking his thumb over Jim's palm. "You're right," he admitted. "There is something I'm not telling you." He looked up and stared directly into Jim's eyes. "What's the last thing you remember?"
Jim frowned, confused by the apparent non sequitur. "Um, let's see," he mused. He creased his brow, sifting through what he remembered. Bits and pieces of days, cases, meals, drives drifted through his mind, but he couldn't seem to pin anything down in any particular order. "I don't..." he broke off, feeling panicked.
"Okay, don't worry about it," Blair soothed, squeezing his fingers. "Your head took quite a jolt. It all needs to settle down in there."
"I don't remember the accident," Jim said, lifting his free hand to rub at the itching plaster. The IV line trailed down and he eyed it with dislike. "I remember... your birthday, right?" He peered at Blair. "We were talking about your birthday."
Jim detected the rise in Blair's heart-rate. "My birthday?" Blair breathed.
"Yeah," Jim said decisively. "I'm sure I remember talking about your thirtieth. How long ago was that?" He gazed at Blair expectantly, heart sinking when his partner turned away from him.
"Blair?"
Blair took a deep breath and turned back to face him, smile fixed firmly in place. "Don't worry about it," he advised. "The doctor said it's not unusual to lose some time temporarily with a head injury."
"How much time?" Jim frowned.
Blair shook his head. "You have to remember that for yourself, Jim." He raised a hand as Jim automatically protested. "Take it up with the doctor, not me. This is his orders."
"That sucks," Jim said irritably. "If you tell me then I'm sure I'll remember." Blair stayed silent, eyes still cast down. "Fine!" Jim exclaimed. "Leave your partner here in the dark. I'll remember by myself."
Blair smiled, eyes lighting up. "Yes, you will," he agreed fiercely and Jim blinked at the vehemence.
"Why do I get the feeling I've forgotten something really important?" he asked shrewdly.
Blair only gazed back at him innocently.
~~~~~
Blair leaned his head back against the wall, eyes closed. He felt better for having spoken to Jim. The determination to remember was there, and that was the first step.
But more than that there was the comfort of hearing Jim's voice, touching his hand, watching his expressive face. Jim was awake and alive, and Blair found himself so grateful for that he couldn't mourn too deeply for what had been temporarily lost.
Temporary. Blair sighed deeply. It had to be temporary.
Foot steps echoed down the hall and Blair opened his eyes, hoping to see Simon.
William Ellison was pacing towards him and Blair automatically tensed. The older man's step faltered when he caught sight of Blair, then he set his jaw and walked towards him.
"Is it true?" he said bluntly.
Blair wasn't up to fighting or game playing. "Yes."
William sat down beside him with a bump. "Amnesia," he said hollowly.
"It's a temporary thing," Blair said firmly.
William swallowed hard and clenched his shaking hands together. "How much has he lost?"
"A year, maybe a little more." Blair didn't wonder at his willingness to share information with the man who had become his enemy. William was still Jim's father after all. "But he's alive, Mr. Ellison. Alive and awake and he will get through this."
"I never doubted that before," William insisted shakily. "But if his brain is injured-"
"It's not his brain!" Blair said loudly. He blew out an impatient breath and reined in his temper. "It's just the shock of the accident, that's all."
William looked at him shrewdly. "A year," he repeated. "Just about the time he met B.J. I don't suppose it's a coincidence that he's blocked out some of the worst times in his life."
"It is a coincidence," Blair said quietly and firmly. "Because in the last year he has known some of the happiest times of his life too."
"Where are the twins?"
Blair stiffened. "They're fine."
"That's not what I asked." Ellison senior returned. He paused for a beat. "I did as you asked." He huffed a laugh. "As you ordered I should say."
Blair shrugged, not sure what the old man expected to hear.
"Look, Sandburg," William said bluntly. "I don't like you and you don't like me. But I'm not ashamed to admit I made a bad mistake the other day."
Blair shot him a disbelieving glance.
"My only excuse is that I was worried about my son."
"Bull shit," Blair rapped out. The old man jumped in surprise. "You saw your chance to do something you'd wanted ever since the first time you met B.J. And you took it."
William gaped at him for a moment and then broke into a smile, the creases in his face deepening. "Damn!" he exclaimed. "I'm beginning to see why Jimmy trusts you so much."
Blair surveyed him sceptically, not buying the admiration routine either.
"All right," William admitted. "I saw a chance to push you aside and get at the twins and I took it. But look at it from my point of view. Sure, you were B.J's cousin, but where the hell were you for that year? You didn't even come to their wedding. Then suddenly you show up when Jimmy was at his most vulnerable and move right in."
William's eyes glinted with the frustration he must have felt. "If you hadn't shown up Jimmy would have let me help him more. He would have come home, I know it."
Blair studied him pityingly. "You under estimate your son," he said with quiet contempt. "But then you always did."
Ellison senior opened his mouth and then closed it again, biting his lip.
~~~~
Jim woke up alone. He didn't feel much better and he allowed himself a self-indulgent groan in the quiet coolness of his hospital room. It was a relief to be out of ICU if nothing else, at least he had more privacy here. There was something about trying to sleep in a room with glass walls that was very distracting.
He frowned around the room. Where the hell was Blair? His Guide had been by his side every minute since he'd woken up. Even during the endless tests he'd stayed nearby, allowing Jim to focus on him at a distance and ground himself.
Closing his eyes Jim began a search with his hearing, down echoing halls and past snoring patients. Looking for his Guide.
In the end it wasn't his heartbeat he found, but his voice, raised in anger.
"Bullshit!"
"Easy Chief," Jim muttered in amusement. "This is a hospital after all."
"You saw your chance to do something you'd wanted ever since the first time you met B.J. And you took it."
Jim frowned. Who the hell was B.J?
Another familiar vice chimed in and Jim frowned harder. Was Blair arguing with his father? It seemed as though he was and Jim listened in disbelief to his father's hard tone.
"I saw a chance to push you aside and get at the twins and I took it. But look at it from my point of view. Sure, you were B.J's cousin, but where the hell were you for that year? You didn't even come to their wedding. Then suddenly you show up when Jimmy was at his most vulnerable and move right in."
Jim felt his heart pound faster, not at all liking what he was hearing. B.J was Blair's cousin? Not one he'd ever heard of but that wasn't surprising. For a man with only one parent Blair could sure pull the relatives out of thin air. But what was this talk of a wedding? And a year without Blair?
"If you hadn't shown up Jimmy would have let me help him more. He would have come home, I know it."
Come home? Why on God's green earth would his father think that anything would make a forty year old man come home?
Blair's voice was so full of pity and contempt it made Jim squirm long distance. "You under estimate your son. But then you always did."
Jim's breath sawed in and out of his lungs and he lost his long distance connection, Blair's voice and heartbeat fading out. Everything he'd heard frightened and worried him. He'd been picturing a memory loss measuring days or even weeks. But the talk of someone he'd never met, a wedding he didn't remember, a year without Blair...
A year!
With a click his door opened and a woman peered around the corner. "Mr. Ellison?" she said tentatively.
Jim blinked. "Yes?" he managed through his rising panic.
The young woman slipped through the door and closed it behind her. She smoothed down her immaculate dress and smiled at him. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Ellison, but I've been trying to speak with you for so long with no luck..." She shrugged. "This seemed like my chance."
Jim studied her slim form with a frown. "Who are you?"
"Oh, excuse me," she apologized prettily. "My name is Shelley Roche, and I represent Harry McMillan."
"Who?" Jim said impatiently. He had no time for this nonsense, he needed to see Blair and get this straightened out, doctor's orders be damned.
"Harry McMillan the agent," Shelley explained. "I tried to see you after your wife's death but we couldn't seem to connect."
Jim's breath froze in his throat. "What?" he gasped. "You what?"
Shelley looked a little alarmed. "Mr. Ellison? Are you all right?"
Jim's thoughts spun like a whirlpool. Everything he had overheard was tumbling in his brain. Scattered fragments of memories he no longer had.
B.J. Jordan and Ammie. A wedding. A year without Blair.
"I think I better go," the intruder was saying but Jim hardly heard her. His vision had faded along with hearing, leaving him groping in silent darkness searching for some kind of control.
"Blair?" he mumbled. "Blair?" ~~~~~
Blair strolled along the hall beside a pensive William Ellison. The old man hadn't had much to say since their argument in the hall, and in truth Blair was glad. He was in the curious position of feeling sorry for the man who had tried to threaten everything he held dear. It was damned uncomfortable.
Ahead of them Jim's door swung open and a slim young woman rocketed out. Blair frowned, noting straight away that she was vaguely familiar. She gave them a panicked glance and then rushed down the hall in the opposite direction.
Instinct impelled Blair's feet and he sped up, running down the hall and into Jim's room, the soles of his shoes slipping on the shiny linoleum.
Jim was leaning over the side of the bed, body twisted awkwardly because of the neck brace. His eyes were open but unseeing, and a trickle of drool bubbled at the side of his mouth.
"Dammit," Blair cursed. He sprang down the hall and caught up with the young woman by the elevator doors. Ignoring the curious stares around them he grabbed her arm and slammed her against the wall. "What did you do to him?"
"Nothing!" she squealed, twisting in his grasp. "Let me go!"
Blair tightened his grip, impatient to get back to his partner. "What did you do?" he hissed.
Tears sprang into her eyes. "Nothing," she wailed. "I just mentioned his wife and he freaked out."
Recognition hit Blair and he dropped her like a hot brick. "Get out of here before I call the police," he said in disgust, already turning away.
William was gently easing Jim over onto his back when Blair arrived and he helped him, untangling the IV and smoothing his covers down.
"I'll call for a doctor," William said, reaching for the button. Blair pushed his hand aside.
"No," he said shortly. "He's in shock and he's turning it inwards. He's zoning."
William shook his head. "No," he denied. "I'll call the doctor."
For the second time in as many minutes Blair grabbed someone by the arm and hauled them close. "No you won't," he said urgently. "You know what's wrong with Jim as well as I do. You've seen this before, haven't you?"
William was still shaking his head in denial but Blair carried right on.
"You've spent too many years denying this, you can't turn away from it now. Jim needs help and I'm the only one who can give it to him."
"The doctor," William began weakly.
"The doctor will stick needles in him and just drive him further under. Jim will end up in a straight jacket, is that what you want?" Blair's eyes narrowed. "Maybe that is what you want," he said slowly. "With Jim out of the way it'll be a lot easier for you to try to take the twins, won't it?"
William's face grew paler.
"Well wouldn't it?" Blair insisted.
"No," William whispered. "I don't want that." He looked from his still and silent son to Blair and back again. Then he swallowed hard. "What should I do?"
"Guard the door, don't let anyone in here." He released the old man and stepped back. "Watch our backs."
William nodded. "I will."
Blair waited until the door swung shut behind him before stepping to Jim's bedside, reaching down and taking his hand. He toed off his shoes and lifted Jim's arm before climbing on the bed and pressing his body alongside his lover.
"What's all this fuss about then?" he said quietly, automatically slipping into his Guide voice. Jim's eyes were closed and his skin was clammy to the touch. "What did she say that scared you so much you had to run back into yourself, hmm? I only just got you back, do you think I'm gonna let you go so easily?"
He cupped Jim's face in his hands, his words soft puffs of breath against the Sentinel's lips. "I'm here, my love," he whispered. "Nothing will hurt you while I'm here. Come back and talk to me, Jim. Tell me your fears so that I can ease them."
Jim's skin warmed under his touch, eyelids flickering.
"That's right," Blair coaxed, relief rushing through him as Jim's eyes slowly opened. "Jim?"
"Who did I lose, Blair?" Jim's voice ghosted out and Blair shivered at the desolate tone.
"Who did you... What?" Realization hit him like an arrow to the heart. That idiot woman had mentioned B.J. Poor dead B.J. "You didn't lose anyone, Jim," Blair said tenderly. He caressed his lover's face. "I promise. Everyone you love is fine, Jim."
Jim's eyes flickered and focused on Blair's. "Did you leave me?" he asked painfully.
"Not for a minute," Blair said clearly. "I never have and I never will. In fact when you want to get rid of me you'll have to pick me up bodily and throw me out. Even then you'd better slam the door shut fast or I'll duck under your arm and go hide under the bed."
Jim frowned, obviously absorbing his words.
Blair leaned forward and rested his forehead against Jim's. "Trust me."
"I do trust you," Jim breathed. "I love you."
Blair's eyes flew open and met Jim's mournful blue ones. "Jim?" he gasped.
"But I'm afraid, Blair," Jim murmured. "I'm afraid of what I've forgotten."
"Don't be," Blair said, rejoicing inwardly. "You haven't forgotten one damned thing, love. I promise."
"But I heard you talking to Dad. And that woman said-"
"Never mind what anyone said," Blair said joyfully. "You may have a few broken connections up here," he said, gently rocking Jim's bandaged head. "But you haven't forgotten anything. Know how I know?"
Jim shook his head, gazing up at Blair with such naked vulnerability Blair was reminded of Ammie, watching him with wide eyes when he fed her.
"I know because you told me you loved me," Blair said gently.
Jim's eyes widened in realization. "I love you," he whispered in wonder.
"I know you do," Blair smiled. "But a year ago you didn't know, my love."
"I remember I love you," Jim said, beginning to smile.
Blair smiled and leaned over, laying a soft kiss on Jim's parted lips. Jim closed his eyes and drank him in. Blair pulled back reluctantly and smiled when Jim's eyes fluttered open. "Told you to trust me," he said tenderly. "All the rest will come back too, Jim. I know it."
Jim's eyes closed in relief and Blair touched foreheads with him again, feeling their connection reforming.
There was a knock on the door and Blair pulled back reluctantly just as William peeked around the door. "Sorry to disturb you," he said awkwardly. "But they're bringing dinner down the halls." His eyes found Jim and lit up.
"Dad?" Jim called.
"You're okay, Jimmy?" his father asked, stepping into the room.
Jim's eyes were drooping wearily but his face was alive with a kind of peaceful happiness. "I'm okay, Dad," he said confidently. "Dad?"
William stepped closer as Jim's voice faded a little. "Yes, Jim?"
"Look after Blair, Dad," Jim asked, eyes finally giving in and closing.
William jerked guiltily and Blair suppressed an unseemly smile.
"I will, Jim," his father vowed softly.
Jim's face relaxed into sleep.
Outside in the hall the two men stood back while two nurses unstacked trays.
"He's asleep," Blair murmured and a nurse peeped in.
"I'll leave it here," she smiled.
They watched them proceed down the hall in silence. William was shifting guiltily from one foot to the other but Blair was content to stand, feeling peaceful and at ease for the first time in days.
"I'm sorry, Blair," William said in a low voice.
Blair could be magnanimous in his relief. "Okay."
"No, really," William insisted. "I'm so sorry. I didn't understand you see. Why he needed you so much."
Blair surveyed him curiously. "And you think you do now?" he murmured. Then he shook his head, not having the energy or the desire to fight. "You know what, Mr. Ellison? It doesn't matter. Jim's okay, and that's all I care about."
William's face creased in puzzlement. "It really is, isn't it?"
Blair stuck his hands in his pockets and headed down the hall. "I need coffee," he announced. "Ten CC's, stat. Then I need to call and check on the girls. Then I'm gonna curl up on one of these wonderful couches and sleep the sleep of the righteous."
He paused, looking back over his shoulder at his father-in-law. William stood alone in the hall, face disconsolate.
Blair heaved a sigh. "You look like you could do with some coffee too. Mr. Ellison?"
William studied him again, still looking puzzled. Then he heaved a deep breath and took a step forward. "Call me William," he invited.
End of Legacy Part Two.
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