The Jamie Series #14

Mine.

by Gillian

"Is it just me, or is Cascade the most dangerous city in America?" Jim Ellison.

Sunday night. Washington DC.

Carolyn reached her car before her temper flared again. She slammed the door behind her and then slammed her hands on the steering wheel until her palms stung.

"Damnit damnit damnit," she screamed through clenched teeth, tasting the salt of tears and blood on her tongue. "Why is it so hard for them to understand?" she hissed furiously. Wiping her eyes roughly she grabbed her cell phone and punched in a number.

"Plummer residence."

"Have you talked to Jim?" Carolyn began accusingly.

"Caro, is that you?" The voice could be heard muffled in the background. "Peter, it's Carolyn."

"Mom?" Carolyn demanded.

"Caro, where are you, honey, are you okay?"

"Have you been talking to Jim again?"

"Jim? Oh, honey, we discussed this. I haven't spoken to Jim Ellison since the divorce."

"Not you too!" Carolyn shrieked. There was silence on the line while Carolyn regained her composure. She sucked at the gash she had bitten on the inside of her lip. "Simon was here, mom, rubbing my nose in it, talking about my husband and that damn queer!"

"Simon? Simon Banks? Are you in Cascade, Caro?"

Carolyn dragged a hand down her face, feeling sweat and tears on her skin. "I can't take it, mom, I can't. No one seems to understand what it does to me to hear about my husband with someone else. I can't believe Allen has done this to me."

"Allen?" Ellen Plummer said worriedly. "Carolyn, you were talking about Jimmy weren't you?"

Carolyn drew back and looked at the phone as if it were a snake about to bite her. "Yes," she whispered. "Jimmy, I was talking about Jimmy. I need to see Jimmy..."

Carolyn pressed the end button on the phone and sat staring out at the sleet covered streets in front of her. "I need to see my husband."

000

Sunday night. Cascade.

"Naked baby alert!" Jim called from the hall. Blair looked up from his book in time to see Jamie skittering down the hall, a blue towel over his head. His tiny bare feet left damp marks on the wooden floor.

"Wah!" he growled as he ran. "Wah!"

Blair leapt up with a grin. "It's a Blue Wah!" he said loudly. "What are we to do?"

Jamie swerved to avoid his father's arms but Blair was too fast and he snatched him up towel and all, and started snuggling into his neck.

"Wah," the toddler attempted to growl through his giggles. With a tug the towel was off his head revealing damp tumbled locks.

"It was Jamie all the time!" Blair said in astonished tones and Jamie giggled, squirming happily in his father's grasp.

"It's Jamie, Daddy!" he announced.

"So it is," Blair said slowly, waggling his eyebrows up and down to his son's delight. "I guess I'm gonna have to... eat... you... up!"

"No, dad!" Jamie kicked and wriggled, shrieking with laughter as Blair administered a sound raspberrying to his round belly.

"You'll get him too excited to sleep," Jim cautioned.

The phone rang.

"Saved by the bell," Jim said, tossing Blair a dry towel as he answered the phone. "Ellison," he said, laughter still in his voice. Blair winked at him as he bore the wriggling toddler away.

"Jim?" a female voice said tentatively.

Jim frowned at the oddly familiar voice. "Speaking," he said politely.

"It's Ellen, Jim. Ellen Plummer?"

"Ellen," Jim repeated, astonished. "Hello. Uh, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Jim. Just fine."

"Good." Jim scratched his head. "How's Pete?"

"Pete's fine, Jim. Thanks for asking."

Ellen's voice sounded nervous and rushed to Jim's ears and the cop frowned, trying to think of a way to politely ask her to get to the point of her call. "Is everything okay, Ellen? Is Carolyn okay?"

"Uh, that's why I'm calling, Jim," Ellen said hesitantly. "I was wondering if you'd seen Carolyn lately. Been in contact with her?"

Jim's answer was quick and certain. "I haven't seen Carolyn since she left Cascade, Ellen. More than a year and a half now."

"Oh, okay," Ellen said softly and Jim frowned again. He focused his hearing, clearly making out the sound of Carolyn's mother sniffing and wiping her nose.

"Ellen? Jim said gently. "What's wrong? Can I help?"

"You're the last person who could help!" Ellen blurted and Jim drew back in surprise. "Oh, I'm sorry, Jim," she continued with a sob. "God knows this is not your fault."

"What isn't? Jim demanded, growing exasperated.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you, Jim," she returned, and then hung up.

Jim was left listening to dial tone. "Well that was weird."

Blair was in the bathroom with Jamie when Jim hung up the phone and joined them. The toddler was wrapped in a dry towel and was standing on a stool in front of the mirror, tiny toothbrush in hand. Blair was standing behind him holding him steady, demonstrating a brushing motion on his own teeth.

"Up and down the front ones," he coached, and Jamie obediently scrubbed at his pearly little teeth, grimacing at the mirror.

"Now the inside ones."

This exercise was a little trickier and Blair gently covered Jamie's hand where it grasped the toothbrush handle and guided the soft bristles over the tiny teeth.

"That's right," Blair praised as the child easily copied the moves and took over on his own. "Good boy."

Jim ruffled his son's brown locks as the boy smiled frothily at him in the mirror.

"Dad, Jamie brushin' teef!" he crowed proudly, spraying foam on the mirror with his words.

"Good job, son." Jim grinned back and wiped at the specks of toothpaste dribbling down the little lad's chin.

"Time to rinse I think," Blair decided. He demonstrated with the cup and then Jamie followed suit, managing to drench himself thoroughly. "Who was that on the phone?"

"It was Carolyn's mother," Jim answered absently, bundling up Jamie, towel and all, and carrying him into his room.

Jim looked up from drying a wiggling Jamie on the bed when Blair handed him clean pj's. "Problem?" Blair asked quietly.

The cop smiled, grateful as always for his lover's perception. "I'm not sure," he said slowly, putting a night nappy on the toddler and then drawing the one piece pajama suit up his dimpled legs. "She wanted to know if I had seen Carolyn."

Blair sat on the edge of the bed, beeping Jamie's nose when the child yawned hugely. "Why would you have seen Carolyn? She's in San Francisco, isn't she?"

Jim shrugged. "I have no idea, Ellen was being pretty cryptic about it." He lifted Jamie up and snuggled him while Blair turned back the covers on the new day bed. "Night night, piglet," Jim said, kissing a down soft cheek.

"Night, Daddy." Jamie snuggled down and then reached up and beeped Blair's nose when he leaned over for his good night kiss. "Beep," he snickered and Blair dropped a laughing kiss on his son's forehead.

"Got me, Jamie," he smiled. "Close your eyes now, it's sleepy time."

The two men settled on the couch with a beer each, still discussing the mysterious phone call.

"It's not like Carolyn's family and I have any contact at all," Jim said thoughtfully. "Her mom and I were never friends, and since the divorce we haven't even exchanged Christmas cards."

"So her calling you out of the blue about Carolyn is pretty weird," Blair concluded thoughtfully. He shifted in his seat and looked sideways at Jim, as if about to speak. Then he clammed up and took a long pull from his beer bottle.

"OK, spit it out," Jim ordered. "What's on your mind?"

"Have you been in contact with Carolyn at all since she left Cascade?" Blair asked reluctantly.

"No," Jim said, surprised. "I would have told you if I had been."

"That's what I thought," Blair said gloomily.

"Whoa, back up here, Chief," Jim said, depositing his bottle on the coffee table and wrapping one strong arm around Blair's shoulders. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

Blair sighed and snuggled under Jim's arm, allowing Jim to pluck his beer bottle from his hand and put it with its mate. "I guess I've always felt a little guilty at the way things deteriorated between you and Carolyn," he finally admitted.

"What?" Jim said incredulously. "We were divorced long before you and I met, Chief.""

"Yeah, but until I came on the scene you were friends at least," Blair said earnestly. "I always kind of admired that."

"Okay, time to clear some air here," Jim shifted so that he was looking into his lover's eyes. "You have nothing to feel guilty about, Blair. Carolyn would have reacted the same way no matter who I got involved with. Remember Beverly Sanchez?"

"How could I forget? She still makes eyes at you every time we meet her."

Jim smiled and kissed Blair's wide forehead fondly. "That's your flattering imagination at work, Chief. You think everyone is making eyes at me."

"Too many of them are," Blair said darkly, then he ruined the effect by dropping an exaggerated wink at Jim.

"The point is Carolyn was always insanely jealous of anyone she thought I really cared about. And for the record, Chief, we were not friends after the divorce. We were colleagues, and it just seemed easier to keep it all cordial. Believe me, there were times I... Well, never mind."

"Times you what?" Blair asked curiously. Then he smiled and nodded. "Oh, I know. Like the times you tried to pick up women right in front of her? I always thought that was tacky, even for you."

"I'm only human," Jim said simply. "And not above a little game playing now and again." He reached for his beer bottle and then paused. "What do you mean, even for me?"

000

Monday

Simon breezed through the door to Major Crime just after noon.

"Welcome back!" Taggert called.

"About time you showed up," Henri called from across the room.

"How was the conference?" Jim greeted.

"Bad food, long speeches and the hotel beds were too short as usual," Simon reported grumpily. "I hope you didn't catch all the bad guys in Cascade while I was gone."

"We saved a few for you," Rafe assured him.

"Good. Jim, can I see you for a moment?"

"In trouble already, Ellison?" Henri joked.

"He's just checking with his best detective," Jim drawled, closing his report and tossing his pen on the table.

"Just let me shine that cop of the year plaque for you, sir," Rafe said obsequiously, making shoe shine gestures with his handkerchief

"Close the door," Simon ordered as Jim entered the office.

"Problems, captain?"

Simon sat behind his desk with a sigh. "I don't know, Jim, I hope not. I have the feeling I committed a faux pas and I'm not even sure how."

Jim perched on the edge of the conference table. "Sounds ominous."

"I had dinner with your ex-wife last night."

Jim sat up straighter. "You're kidding?"

Simon shook his head. "She was in DC, I met her at the conference."

"I don't believe in coincidences," Jim said, shaking his head. "Her mother phoned me last night, looking for her."

"No, I don't think that was a coincidence," Simon agreed. "Her mother doesn't know where she is?"

"Apparently not," Jim said shortly. "What the heck happened at this dinner?"

Simon shrugged. "Nothing at first. We were chatting nicely and then she bought up your name. I guess I assumed you two were still in some sort of contact, Jim, you were always cordial after the divorce."

"I haven't seen or heard from Carolyn since she left Cascade, Simon."

"I'm beginning to understand why. I guess my mistake was bringing Blair's name up," Simon admitted. "I wasn't gossiping about you, Jim, it's just kind of hard to talk about you without mentioning Sandburg."

Jim smiled wryly, admitting the truth of that. "And?"

"And she lost it. Vitriolic was a mild way to describe her. I was... flabbergasted. I had never seen Carolyn that way."

"I have," Jim said grimly. "Go on."

Simon held up his arm, shooting his shirt sleeve back and exposing four crescent shaped cuts on his wrist. "She grabbed me," he explained. "And just for an instant there was something in her eyes, Jim... I can't explain it."

"What did you do?"

"I didn't get a chance to do anything. She ran out of there as if her hair was on fire."

"And an hour later her mother is phoning me looking for her."

Simon turned and poured himself a coffee. "I think we need to talk about this, Jim," he said, offering his detective a mug. "You don't seem too surprised by my war wounds. Anything you'd like to tell me?"

000

It was after two by the time Carolyn reached the loft. She poked her key at the lock for long minutes before finally admitting to herself that the locks had been changed. "How could he do this to me?" she moaned to herself, leaning her forehead on the worn wooden door.

A thought occurred to her and she groped in her handbag, eventually unearthing a slim leather case. With a quick glance up and down the hall she crouched and began working on the lock with a slender pick.

It was amazing what one picked up working as a cop.

Soon the lock clicked and with a final deep breath Carolyn turned the handle and slipped into the apartment, closing the door quickly behind her and leaning back on it. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she laid one trembling hand over it, feeling a giddy hysterical laughter welling there.

"Try to keep me out, will you, Jimmy?" she whispered to herself, taking one long look around the home she knew so well. That one look told her more than she wanted to know.

"My god," she murmured, walking into the center of the loft and spinning on one heel. Gone were the stark lines and bare walls, the empty shelves and spare furnishings. This place teemed with life and color, green growing things decorated the corners and the patio, new bookshelves showed off interesting trinkets and an eclectic looking array of books. Gleaming pots and pans hung in the kitchen and the old fashioned refrigerator had a colored drawing held on by magnets.

Drawn almost against her will to that bright picture Carolyn stood in front of it for long minutes, finally reaching out a trembling finger and tracing the name written in some adult's hand. "Jamie," she murmured aloud.

Some kind of fog seemed to have invaded her mind, on leaden feet she trekked through the home that had once been hers, taking in the nursery furniture in what had once been storage space, and the play area that now graced one corner of the lounge area. From the top of the staircase she took in the neatly made bed and the delicate paper lamps that matched the dark blue spread.

Carolyn opened the walk in wardrobe and peered in just long enough to see two rows of men's clothes. She quickly backed out and sped down the stairs, almost running into a bookshelf she had walked by earlier. Now she noticed the framed photographs that decorated its top shelf. Quickly she scanned them, searching for some trace of this new being, this Jamie whose drawing decorated the refrigerator and whose presence dominated this home.

The largest photo caught her eye and she picked it up. In it her husband carried a bright eyed baby with a tiny baseball hat perched on his dusky brown hair. Both were smiling for the camera. Next to them stood Blair, not looking into the lens like the other two, he was instead caught in profile, one hand raised, one finger caught in the infants tenacious grip.

"That can't be right," Carolyn murmured, desperately picking up and discarding frame after frame. Blair in a ridiculous hat holding a fish, Jim self consciously holding a shiny award, some old family shots that she barely recognized.

"This can't be right," Carolyn screamed, sweeping the pictures off the shelf with one arm. Collapsing onto the floor the distraught woman covered her face with her hands and rocked back and forth, overwhelmed by this new development. Long minutes passed while Carolyn sorted through the tangled skein of her thoughts. Only one conclusion was possible. Jim had cut her out of his life completely. Not caring that she loved him and was faithful to him, he and his hippie boyfriend were raising this child, this Jamie.

Through her fingers Carolyn caught a glimpse of the large photograph and she reached out and picked it up, staring hard at her husbands face through her angry tears. How many times had she seen Jim smile? How many times had she kissed those smiling lips? And yet in all that time, for all those smiles, had he ever shown her a face as revealing as the face captured for all time in this flat two dimensional picture?

"Damn you, Jim," she whispered. "You are my husband. You gave him my home and now you give him the child you denied me." With a sudden flare of angry passion Carolyn lifted the frame over her head and brought it down hard on the wooden floor, smashing it to tinder.

000

"So what did the SF PD say?" Blair asked as the elevator reached their floor.

"Not much, they wouldn't even talk to me," Jim said in frustration. "Simon is going to try to get some answers tomorrow." The elevator door opened with a ting.

"Arf arf arf," Jamie chimed in.

"What's with all the barking?" Jim asked, referring to the chorus of arfing he had been treated to all the way home.

"They had a litter of puppies at day care today, didn't they, Jamie?" Blair asked, squeezing the toddler's hand.

The little fellow looked up at his father. "Arf arf," he answered seriously.

"Sounds like they made quite an impression." Jim stopped suddenly at the front door, one hand out to halt Blair and Jamie's progress. "Hold it," he said, focusing on the door lock. Tiny striations marked the shiny metal. "Someone's broken in here," Jim said quietly, pulling his weapon from the shoulder holster and putting his ear to the thick wooden door.

Behind him Blair scooped Jamie up in his arms and retreated a few steps down the corridor.

Jim listened intently for a few moments. "Whoever they were they're gone now," he reported, unlocking the door and pushing it gently open. His senses were on full alert as he entered the loft, but after a few minutes he returned to the door, weapon holstered.

"No bombs, poisonous gas or hidden cobras," he announced.

"Any damage?" Blair and Jamie peered around the door jamb.

"A little," Jim said thoughtfully, studying the bookshelf at the foot of the stairs. Photo frames were strewn around haphazardly, at least one smashed on the hardwood floor. He poked at the remains with the toe of his shoe.

"TV's still here, and the stereo," Blair said in relief, looking around the loft. "I don't think anything's been stolen, do you?"

"I'm going to get forensics down here to look for some fingerprints." Jim pulled out his cell phone.

Blair stood by his partner studying the mess. "Why would someone break in here and throw our photos around?" he said quizzically.

"Dinner time?" Jamie inserted hopefully.

"I'll call for pizza," Jim said, ringing off from his first call. "I checked his room, it's fine if you want to put him down. Just keep him away from this mess for now."

"Pizza!" Jamie crowed.

"Let's get your bag unpacked and your shoes changed," Blair said, depositing Jamie on the floor and helping him off with his tiny backpack. He handed it to him and then gently patted his bottom to scoot him towards his room.

Jim finished ordering their usual from the pizza place and then punched in Simon's home number.

"Banks."

"Simon, we've had a break-in at the loft."

"Serious?" the captain asked.

"It doesn't look like thieves, sir. But some of our family photographs have been smashed." There was a long silence on the line and Jim's eyes met Blair's and found them focused on him intently.

"Did you call forensics?"

"Yes."

"Well, keep me posted on the results," Simon said shortly, and then hung up.

"Why are you bothering Simon with this?" Blair asked curiously.

Jim took a deep breath, wondering how to put this without sounding like a paranoid fool. "I think Carolyn did this, Chief."

Incredulity dawned in Blair's eyes. "You're kidding?"

"That lock was picked by a pro," Jim began, indicating the front door.

"And your ex-wife was well known for her lock picking skills," Blair interjected a little sarcastically.

Jim took another breath. "My point is that someone took the time and trouble to break in here, and yet they didn't steal anything. They just smashed our pictures."

"Okay, here's what I think," Blair said reasonably. "Carolyn's been on your mind today, Simon said he saw her and she seemed disturbed by something, and now this happens and you put it all together. But if you think about it makes no sense. Why would Carolyn do this?" Blair indicated the mess on the shelf and floor.

"Why would a thief do it?" Jim returned.

"Maybe they were spooked by something before they could steal anything?" Blair suggested. "Maybe it's one of your old enemies making some obscure point?"

"Maybe," Jim conceded, "But I don't think so. I think Simon was right, Carolyn is disturbed and I think she broke in here today for some obscure reason of her own and did this." Jim beckoned to Blair and then pushed at the smashed frame with his foot, revealing a fragment of a large photograph. Ripped cleanly down the middle all that remained of the original was Blair in profile, reaching out for something that was no longer there.

Blair stared at the torn scrap for a long time. Finally Jim couldn't stand the silence any longer and he put his hand gently on his lover's shoulder.

"This doesn't make sense," Blair said hoarsely. He looked up at Jim, worry in his expressive blue eyes. "This is Carolyn we're talking about, Jim. Your ex-wife. We know her, for god's sake. She is not some kind of a nut case."

Jim opened his mouth and closed it again, unsure how to put it all into words. His own experiences and vague suspicions, the tone in Ellen Plummer's voice the night before, the look on Simon's face that day. It was all so vague and amorphous, and yet taken all together it was as if some frightening pattern was emerging.

Jim sat down the on the couch to gather his wits, and then he tried to explain to Blair what he was thinking. He went over all the details Blair already knew about, trying to make his partner understand some of what he was feeling. He could feel his frustration building as Blair's disbelief didn't waver.

"There's something you're not telling me," Blair said finally, his eyes narrowing as his agile mind put it all together. "Isn't there?"

"I guess so," Jim admitted reluctantly. "I've barely given it a thought for a long time, but I suppose I should have mentioned it before."

Blair settled back. "I'm listening."

"Shortly before Carolyn took the job in San Francisco we... had words."

"About me," Blair speculated when Jim broke off.

Jim nodded unhappily. "It wasn't the first time Carolyn had shown jealousy, you've seen it yourself, but it was by far the ugliest fight we've ever had. She said some things, I said some things... I'm not too proud of myself. And then she just... lost it," Jim said, unconsciously echoing Simon's description. "She flew at me with nails like claws. I narrowly missed getting my eyes scratched out."

"My god," Blair breathed. "She physically attacked you? Carolyn?"

"I think she was just as shocked by it as I was," Jim admitted. "I tried to talk to her but she ran off, and the next I heard she had taken this job in San Francisco. I have to admit I was relieved."

"I'll bet," Blair agreed. "So why am I only hearing about this now?"

"There didn't seem to be much point bothering you about it," Jim began uncomfortably and then broke off. "Pizza's here," he said gratefully. He crossed to the front door, avoiding Blair's piercing gaze.

000

An hour later the forensic team was packed and gone and Jamie and Blair were enjoying the last of the pizza. The toddler was showing off his artwork from day care.

"Tell me about your picture," Blair invited. Jamie pointed to a vaguely human figure with wild blue hair.

"Me, Jamie," he informed his father.

"Very handsome. And this one?" Next to him stood an orange figure, a large oval representing his body, small oval his head and various crayon strokes radiating from his body apparently meant to be arms and legs.

"Baby Sean," Jamie said, stabbing one tiny finger at the figure.

"And this six legged fellow?"

"Arf arf arf," Jamie hinted.

"Ah, a dog," Blair realized.

"Puppy dog," Jamie agreed.

"It's just lovely, Jamie. Why don't you show it to Dad?"

Jamie raced over and showed off his picture to Jim who duly admired it. "Shall we hang it on the refrigerator?"

"k" Jamie nodded agreement and Jim removed the old picture and replaced it with the newer one. He handed the old drawing to Jamie who toddled off to store it in his bottom drawer where the master pieces where kept.

"I think Baby Sean has taken second place to puppies as the love of Jamie's life," Jim commented.

"Oh, fickle child."

"You have the morning free tomorrow, don't you?"

"You know I do," Blair answered, scooping up Jamie when he ran back to him and sitting back down at the table.

"Juice please, daddy," Jamie asked politely and Blair handed him his plastic mug.

"If you take Jamie in the morning I will try to wrangle some time in the afternoon."

Blair stared at him. "You really think Carolyn is some kind of threat to him?"

Jim felt his temper slip a little. "As I have been trying to tell you all evening," he said shortly. "Carolyn is developing a pattern of violent bursts of behavior, and I don't want her doing that anywhere near our family."

"I admit I find it hard to think of Carolyn that way," Blair said slowly. "But I trust your instincts, Jim. We'll just be careful until we can find her and talk to her."

000

Later that night Jim lay on his side studying Blair's profile while he slept. Soft curls rested on the broad brow and Jim gently stroked them back, using the tip of his sensitive finger to stroke over the expressive winged eyebrow and down to high cheekbones. Blair's lashes flickered and Jim's wandering finger couldn't resist stroking over the very tips, his sentinel sense of touch glorying in the flutter of the gold tipped curve.

Blair shifted on his side and huffed a sleepy breath, opening his eyes and meeting Jim's in the darkness. "Can't sleep?" he said, his voice gruff.

"I'm sorry I woke you," Jim said, unable to resist gathering the cuddly sleep warm body against him. Blair sighed in contentment, fitting his sturdy shape to Jim's muscular form.

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that fight with Carolyn," Jim continued huskily.

"It's not like you have to tell me everything, Jim," Blair murmured. "But since the fight was about me..."

"It was about a lot more than you, Chief, that's what I have been trying to explain. Things between Carolyn and I have always been on edge. In that fight you were just the trigger that set her off."

"And what set her off this time, Jim?"

Jim kissed the top of Blair's head and held him silently. Carolyn seemed to have crossed some line, and it was scary to remember how many times he had straddled that line himself.

000

Tuesday.

Carolyn sat in the front seat of her rental car, trying to fight the effects of too much alcohol and a sleepless night. All night she had sat watching the silent flickering television in her motel room, pondering the situation she found herself in. Finally she came to the conclusion that she had no choice.

She had to forgive him.

He was still her husband after all, and she owed it to their marriage to give it one more try.

A brief thought of the new hippie boyfriend and his kid intruded but Carolyn ruthlessly blocked them from her mind. Jim would come to his senses soon enough when he saw she was willing to forgive him.

Down the street a door opened and Jim emerged from his building. Carolyn sat up eagerly and reached for the car door handle but she was arrested in her movement when Blair followed immediately after Jim, the brown haired child held high in his arms. Carolyn's hand dropped from the door.

The sight of them galvanized her, made her forget everything but the picture they made, the three of them. All her attention focused on the long haired man who now stood by the curb pointing up and down the road, talking earnestly to the baby.

"Look left, look right, look left again," Carolyn mouthed along with him. The very sight of them was an affront to her, an insult, rubbing her face into the mess Jim had made of their lives. Automatically her hand turned the key and her foot slipped to the accelerator pedal. The trio walked out into the road, but all Carolyn could see was the hippie boy. She waited until he was in the street before jamming her foot down on the accelerator.

The next moments were like a slowed down film, Jim looking up and turning back, too slow, too slow. Blair oblivious to what was bearing down on him, still striding across the wide road to the parked cars. The child, his head swinging in her direction, dark eyes cutting across the shortening distance between them.

And then Jim was there, grabbing Blair's arm and pulling them towards him and again without conscious thought Carolyn's hands and feet were reacting, swinging the wheel hard away, slamming down on the brake pedal. She hit something with tremendous force and tasted blood in her mouth.

000

Jim lay in the gutter for long moments, stunned by his impact with the concrete. The car had missed him by inches, the rush of air as it swerved hitting him full in the face. People were running from nearby stores and houses and Jim shook off his dazed confusion and pushed himself unsteadily to his feet, wincing as his grazed hands made contact with the curb.

Turning his head he could see the tan car half on half off the pavement. Automatically his vision focused on the rear view mirror and his ex-wife's face came into view, her eyelids fluttering and blood running down her forehead.

At that moment Carolyn was the least of his worries and Jim dismissed her, searching with anxious eyes until he found his family and groaning low in his throat when he saw Blair's still form laying in the road. The young man stirred and moaned as people ran over to him.

Seconds had passed.

"Don't touch him," Jim ordered sharply, limping over to Blair. "Somebody call 911!"

"Already done, Jim," a woman called out, but for the moment Jim didn't even recognize her, caught up as he was in the sight of his lover groaning and trying to roll over.

"Don't move, Blair," he said hoarsely, kneeling by his side in the road.

"Jamie," Blair gasped, rolling onto his side.

"Oh, god."

Jamie lay curled against Blair's shoulder, cushioned from the ground by his father's arm. He might have seemed to be asleep if it wasn't for the great purple bruise darkening above his temple. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. His eyelids fluttered and opened.

"Jamie, oh god, is he okay?" Blair beseeched, one shaking hand carefully lifting and resting on the boy's chest.

"Try not to move, Blair," Jim counseled, attempting to gather his scattered thoughts. "Where's that ambulance?" he screamed back over his shoulder as Jamie began to cry and squirm.

"It's okay, piglet, Dad's here, you're okay."

Jamie could not be consoled, he tried to sit up, reaching for his fathers with grasping hands. Worried that Blair might have suffered back or neck injuries Jim lay down beside them both and curled his arm over them, calming the toddler down.

Someone lay a blanket over them and all around them people were talking and gesturing and describing the incident over and over again. In the distance Jim heard the wail of sirens and he let loose a shaky sigh of relief. Blair's blue eyes met his and they exchanged long looks of concern and love.

"Jamie," Blair breathed softly.

Jim looked down into the pale face of his child and tightened his grip on them both, as if he could keep them safe by sheer physical strength.

000

Jim sat by the empty hospital bed nursing his son against his chest. The nurse hadn't been too happy about it, preferring that the toddler remain in his bed until the results of the x-rays came through, but Jim pointed out that Jamie would rest a lot easier in his arms and after a few minutes of the toddler fretting she was forced to agree.

Now Jim gently cuddled Jamie against him, aware all over again how tiny and fragile the child was. With a feather soft touch Jim traced the thin little boy arms and the narrow shoulders, the vulnerable nape of his neck and the soft feathering of hair over the bruised brow.

Closing his eyes Jim again relieved those long moments in the road, especially his lover rolling over and revealing their child injured on the ground. Somewhere inside Jim a beast he kept leashed strained and growled in its throat. Jamie stirred in his arms and Jim rocked and shushed him, tamping down on that beast of rage. Its time would come.

Blair's scent reached him down the hall before the squeak of wheelchair tires and Jim listened hard to the uneven sound of his lover's worried breathing. Almost as soon as they had arrived in the emergency room Blair had been whisked away, much to his disgust. Jim had been asking about him every five minutes and had finally been informed that Blair had a fractured wrist and was being seen to.

The hospital door was pushed open and an orderly wheeled Blair into the room. The young man's arm was freshly strapped and a white bandage decorated one cheek.

"How is he?" Blair asked before the chair had even cleared the doorway.

"He's fine," Jim assured him, hungrily drinking in the sight of his lover whole if not completely unscathed. "We're waiting for the results of his x-rays now."

Blair nodded his thanks to the orderly as he parked the wheelchair by the bed and didn't even wait for him to leave the room before climbing painfully to his feet. He bent over and greeted Jim with a kiss on the lips, tasting and letting himself be tasted.

"But what do they say? Do they think he's okay?" Blair's eyes devoured the child dozing in the cradle of Jim's arms.

"They're not saying," Jim informed him. "But I'm pretty sure he's suffered no worse than a concussion," he continued truthfully. "How about you, how are you feeling?"

Blair breathed a sigh of relief. "I've had worse," he admitted soberly. "But I think I drove everyone nuts asking about you two every five minutes. The doctor finally threatened to sedate me."

Jamie stirred against Jim's chest and Blair crouched by the chair, ouching a little under his breath. "Hey, little guy," he said softly as the child's eyes opened. "How you feeling?"

"Jamie got bumped on the head," the little fellow said tearfully. He waved his hand to indicate the dark swelling.

"So I see," Blair said gently. "Daddy has a poor sore arm too." He showed the child his bandaged arm.

"Kiss it better?" Jamie suggested, puckering his lips.

Chuckling softly Blair lifted his arm to be kissed. "Now Daddy will kiss you better," he said huskily, pressing a soft kiss to the unmarred skin of Jamie's forehead. Long moments passed and Jim patted his back in comfort when Blair's broad shoulders shook with emotion.

"There," Blair muttered, pulling back and wiping his eyes with his good hand. "Soon be all better." He turned his attention to Jim. "Are you okay?"

Jim shrugged. "Like you said, I've had worse."

Blair perched on the edge of Jamie's hospital crib, grimacing at his aches and pains. "We have, haven't we?" he said wryly. "But we survived this one by the skin of our teeth." Blair looked soberly at his lover. "She tried to kill us, Jim."

"She swerved at the last moment," Jim felt obliged to point out.

"Did she?" Blair queried. "I will have to take your word for that. If she did it was to miss you, you'd already saved us."

"By throwing you to the ground," Jim reminded him guiltily. "One broken arm and one concussion later." He looked down at the dozing child in his arms, senses again on full, but everything was assuring him there was nothing seriously wrong with his little sentinel.

"Hey," Blair said softly, and Jim looked up with a jerk at the gentle touch on his arm. "Hitting the ground did us considerably less damage than hitting a car going seventy miles an hour." Blair shuddered. "I can see that moment so clearly, when I turned and saw the car bearing down on us. I thought we were dead."

Jim drew in a shaky breath at the image that was all too clear in his own mind. At that moment the door swung open and the doctor and a nurse entered the room.

"Well, how are we all?" she asked cheerfully.

"The results?" Jim asked abruptly.

"He's just fine," the doctor said gently. "No signs of internal bleeding or pressure. We're dealing with a mild concussion."

"Thank god," Blair said fervently, wrapping his good arm around Jim's shoulders and squeezing.

Jim dropped a kiss on Blair's hand where it rested on his shoulder and then laid a gentle kiss on Jamie's brow.

"It's okay to let him sleep now," the doctor said, gesturing for the nurse to help Jim by turning the bed back down. "We're going to want to observe him for forty-eight hours, he's too young to tell us if he's suffering from nausea or dizziness after all. We'll be waking him every few hours to check on him."

The doctor kept talking and the nurse checked Jamie's vital signs and recorded them on his chart but for the most part Jim tuned them out. Finally he could feel the tight spiral of fear unwinding within him. Blair was by his side and Jamie could rest comfortably. His family was safe.

Inside Jim other priorities were asserting themselves. His beast stirred.

000

Ten minutes later Simon peeped in. "Oh my god," he exclaimed as he surveyed them sitting together. Jim realized that they probably looked like the survivors of a battle. "Are you all okay?" the captain asked softly.

"We're alive, Simon, no thanks to Carolyn," Jim said grimly.

"And the little guy?"

"I'm fine, Simon," Blair quipped and Simon feinted a punch at his chin.

"He's going to be just fine, Simon," Jim said. "She got away, didn't she?"

The captain looked at Jim sharply. "Officers found the car abandoned four blocks from the scene. There was blood on the windshield and vomit all over the seat. Probably all over her too, she won't be hard to find in that condition."

"I should have pulled her from the car at the scene," Jim said in self reproach.

"You had larger priorities," Simon said. "Besides, witnesses tried to help her at the scene but the car was locked tight. There was nothing you could have done."

I could have shot her, Jim thought to himself.

"There's more news if you're up to it?" Simon waited until the two men nodded before continuing. "Ellen Plummer came to see me at the station."

Jim exchanged a look with Blair. "Looking for Carolyn?"

Simon nodded. "Seems she exhausted all her possibilities before coming to me. It took her a while to get her to spill her guts, but the results of the fingerprints came back in while she was there and once she knew what her daughter was up to she collapsed like a house of cards. Turns out she's had good reason to worry, Carolyn has been on a downward spiral for some time. According to her mother Carolyn was arrested in Frisco for stalking."

"Yesterday that would have surprised me," Blair said wryly. "Of course that was before she tried to kill us. Who was she stalking?"

"Some detective she was dating at work. They broke up and she began harassing him, following him, making threats. Eventually she was arrested but the charges were dropped when she quit the force. I guess someone made a deal."

"That sounds like a downward spiral all right," Jim agreed soberly. It was hard to reconcile his memories of his ex-wife with the images in his head now. Carolyn the stalker, Carolyn with blood on her face, Carolyn with murderous intent in her eyes attacking his family.

"Her mother says Carolyn left town and none of the family have heard from her until she phoned her parents Sunday night saying she'd seen me."

"So her mother thought she was in Cascade," Blair concluded. "What a mess. How can a person slide so far so quickly?"

"Who cares?" Jim said ruthlessly. He ignored the sharp look Simon sent him. "Captain, will you wait for me in the hall? I need to talk to Blair."

Simon looked at both men in turn before nodding slowly and leaving the room. "Sure, Jim. I'll be close by."

Jim waited impatiently while Simon left. His mind was already clearing itself, readying for the chase to come. He leaned over the sleeping child in his austere crib and laid a kiss on his brow. "Dad loves you, Jamie," he whispered. Then he straightened and turned to his partner. "Blair," he began.

"No, Jim," Blair said simply. "You're not going."

Dumbfounded Jim stared at Blair in shock. He tried again. "Blair, don't do this. You know I have to find her."

"No I don't," Blair said stubbornly. "The whole of the Cascade PD is looking for her. They don't need you." He gestured to the sleeping child. "We do."

"Blair, you don't understand," Jim said, beginning to feel desperate at the calm certainty in his lover's voice. "I need to find her."

"I don't understand?" Blair repeated. With a start Jim realized that the smaller man was blazingly angry. "I don't understand? I know you better than anyone else on earth, Jim, I understand all too well, that's the problem. You don't want to find Carolyn, you want to hunt her. Don't you?"

Jim stared open mouthed at Blair, stunned by the blazing anger and the sharp understanding on his face. He had been so caught up in his own inner rage and anger that he hadn't looked to see what Blair was feeling.

"You want to hunt her down like you would any threat to your family, Jim, but what happens when you find her, huh? What then?"

"I..." Jim faltered to a halt. Well, it was perfectly simple wasn't it? He wanted to kill her.

Everything he was feeling must have been written on his face because when Blair spoke again the anger had drained from his voice. "You think I'm not feeling the same thing you are, Jim? I look at Jamie laying in a hospital bed and I want to rip her throat out with my teeth."

The part of Jim that he had kept leashed all day snarled in agreement.

"But she's not worth it, Jim. If you go out there and kill her they will destroy you. Simon won't be able to protect you, no one in their right mind would let you work this case."

"No."

"She's not worth risking our family over, Jim," Blair continued. "And it would destroy us if you gave in to the instinct racing through your blood and killed her."

Hearing Blair put into words what he was thinking and feeling was like a hammer blow to Jim's soul, he groaned in pain and a kind of gut desire, turning and stumbling to the window, leaning against the wall. Inside him his beast was roaring and straining, the scent of blood strong in its nostrils.

"I... I don't know if I can fight this, Blair," Jim muttered, trying to be honest. "It's... visceral."

"I can imagine," Blair said. "I only have to tap into what I am feeling and magnify it by a sentinel's instincts to get some idea of how this must be affecting you, Jim. But you have to fight this, you have to. Or the next time your instincts overwhelm your reason you won't have any defenses at all."

"You're my defense," Jim said thickly.

"I might not always be here," Blair said soberly.

Jim's minds eye again replayed those moments on the street, the lethal weapon speeding towards his family, threatening to wipe out everything he loved in one devastating blow. "Don't say that," he ordered, wrapping his arms around Blair and hauling him close. Jim buried his face in Blair's hair, feeling his love’s good arm wrap fiercely around his waist. "Don't say that," Jim repeated, fighting his own feelings on a dozen different levels.

Long minutes passed by as Jim struggled with his instincts and emotions. Part of him still clamored to leave his family safe in this place and stalk the threat against them. Part of him was still numb with shock over the very real possibility that he could have lost Blair and Jamie today.

Finally Jim pulled away from Blair a little, leaning his forehead against the smaller man's. "This is hard," Jim whispered.

"But worth it," Blair whispered back.

"The story of our life," Jim returned with a weak grin. With a last lingering look Jim pulled away and walked from the room.

Simon was in the hall chatting to two uniformed officers. He broke off when he saw Jim and hurried over.

"Everything okay?" he asked piercingly.

"Yeah, fine, Simon. I... need you to keep me informed on this, Simon, every step of the way."

The captain looked surprised and then vastly relieved. "You know it, Jim. One of these officers will take your statements and the other one will be standing guard over this room."

Jim nodded at the two uniformed cops.

Simon laid a hand on Jim's forearm. "We will find her, Jim."

"I know you will, sir."

Simon left quickly after that, and Jim wondered wryly if he was afraid the detective was going to change his mind and insist on accompanying him.

"Detective Ellison?" one of the cops said. "How's your little boy?"

Jim focused on the young man and realized he knew him vaguely. He had a boy about Jamie's age and they had shared pictures and anecdotes at someone's retirement party months before.

"He's gonna be okay."

"I'm glad," the cop smiled and Jim felt himself smile back.

000

Thursday.

The doctor left the room just as Simon and Joel entered.

"What's the news?" the captain said.

"Clean bill of health," Blair grinned. "Right, piglet?"

Jamie looked up from the colorful toy cars he was whizzing over the hospital coverlet. "Go home, daddy," he ordered.

"Yep, we are going home," Blair assured him.

"Jamie's cars too?" the toddler insisted.

"We won't forget your cars," Jim said, looking around the private room. "Although I don't think we can manage the rest of this stuff."

The hospital room looked like a carnival float. Balloons floated in one corner and every spare space was covered with cards and bears and flowers. Jamie's child care group had colored a banner that now hung over his bed ordering him to 'get well soon'.

"I'm sure the nurses can find people who will appreciate a lot of this stuff," Blair said thoughtfully. He let down the side of the half cot and gently ruffled his son's hair. "Ready to get dressed and go home, son?"

"Kiss it better?" Jamie suggested. It had become a standard request whenever one of his fathers was near him. Blair obliged with a big buss on the toddlers smooth forehead.

"All these kisses seem to be doing the trick," Jim observed, studying the child's upturned face. The swelling was subsiding but the dark purple bruise on his temple still looked livid and painful. There was a small scab on his lower lip where he had bitten it when he fell. The sight of it no longer made Jim want to kill with his bare hands.

In its place there was now a calm certainty inside Jim that he welcomed and embraced. It had been hard won over two of the most frightening and rewarding days of his life. They had been by turns frustrating and illuminating as he and Blair worked through details of their relationship Jim had never realized they had neglected. He could see now that the aspects of their sentinel/guide partnership had been buried beneath the burdens of work/family that had taken over for the last year and a half.

That first long night of Jamie's hospitalization the lovers had curled up in one of the portable beds provided by the staff and talked themselves hoarse. Blair had revealed his frustrations with the direction their partnership had been heading in which gave Jim the courage to broach the subject himself. They vowed to make more time in their packed lives for both their sentinel/guide bond and their life as lovers. And then they had looked into each others eyes and laughed ruefully at the very thought of wringing another minute out of their busy days.

"Never enough time," Blair had murmured, curling up under Jim arm, his bandaged wrist resting on Jim's broad chest.

"But what would we give up?"

Blair had shaken his head fiercely. "Nothing. Not one thing."

Jim came back to the present as the phone by the bed rang. "Ellison."

"Jimmy."

The reminiscent smile was wiped away from Jim's face and all his concentration centered on the quiet female voice.

"Carolyn," he greeted. The heads of the three adults in the room snapped around. "How did you get this number?"

"You'd be amazed what you can do when you try, Jimmy, you really would." The bantering tone left Carolyn's voice. "I need to see you, Jim."

"You need help, Carolyn," Jim said evenly, trying to get a grip on the anger her voice ignited within him. It was bringing back flashes of memories, Blair and Jamie on the ground, blood on his son's face, tears in his love's eyes. The beast of rage he had spent the last two days taming with Blair's help. "You need to turn yourself in and get help."

"I want that, Jim," Carolyn murmured. "I want to give up. But I want to see you one last time. Just you, Jimmy, okay?"

Simon was frantically whispering down his cell phone and Joel was on his feet next to Blair, an arm around his shoulders. Blair didn't seem to be in need of any support, he was steady as a rock, his eyes clear and bright as they studied Jim across the bright hospital room. Jamie was on his lap with his cars, minutely examining his prizes, turning them over and over in his tiny hands.

"Red one, boo one, grin one," he muttered to himself.

"All right, Carolyn. Where and when?"

"Here and now, Jim, I'm on the roof. Come alone, I'll be waiting."

Jim carefully replaced the receiver.

"I should have thought of having a trace on the hospital phone," Simon reproached himself. "There's no way to trace that call through the switch."

"No need, sir," Jim said evenly, his eyes still clinging to Blair's. "She's on the roof."

"Here?" Simon said incredulously, whipping his phone open again.

"She says she wants to surrender to me alone."

"It's a trap," Joel declared.

"She might be trying to split you two up, to go after Blair and Jamie again," Simon warned.

Jim's eyes never wavered from Blair's. "You could both be right," he agreed softly. "But all the same, I have to go."

Blair's eyes were reading his, Jim could tell. He stood still and opened himself up to his lover, letting him see all that was inside him, all the defenses they had built together over the last few days of closeness. Finally Blair nodded. "Of course you do," he agreed.

Jim slipped out his gun and checked it over before reholstering it.

"Then I'm right behind you," Simon said firmly. "The building is being sown up now, if she is here she won't slip through our fingers again."

"Joel," Jim stopped in front of his friend. "Will you take Blair and Jamie to the station and wait for me there?"

"We could wait here," Blair protested.

Jim turned to his lover. "Please, Chief, I want you both away from here, okay? I'll be there soon."

"I really hate being left behind," Blair grumbled.

"And I hate going without you," Jim admitted. "But in this case I don't think seeing you is going to convince Carolyn to give in."

"Be careful," Blair warned him and Jim cupped his lover's cheek with one hand and his son's with the other. Then he left them both behind.

000

"Stay out of sight, Simon," Jim ordered when they finally had clearance from security to access the roof. Long minutes had been wasted while their badges were minutely scrutinized by hospital security. The roof was strictly out of bounds to anyone but hospital personnel.

"She can't possibly be up here, Jim," Simon whispered as the detective pushed open the roof door, allowing a crack of pale sunlight to peek through. Jim listened for long moments, finally detecting a lone heartbeat high above the downtown Cascade traffic noises.

"She's here," he said. Carefully he pushed open the door and emerged onto the roof. The year was turning cold and the day was already wet and gloomy. A small gust of wind blew a damp squall across the low roof top and Jim automatically dialed down the cold chill.

"You came," Carolyn greeted him as he circled the huge air conditioning tower that dominated the roof top. His ex-wife was sitting on the buildings ledge, her blue jeaned legs swinging in space. "I knew you would. Jim Ellison's sense of duty overwhelms all else."

"You sound bitter, Carolyn," Jim said, taking a few cautious steps closer. She was muffled from the cold in a pea coat and scarf. Jim scanned her as closely as he was able and could detect no sign of a weapon.

"Bitter?" Carolyn pondered the word and then laughed tonelessly. "I've gone beyond bitter, Jimmy, beyond beating my head up against the brick wall of men like you."

"Men like me?"

"Men who don't know how to love, men who use women and then discard then. Although," Carolyn laughed again. "Although at least Allen didn't leave me for another man."

"I didn't leave you for Blair, Carolyn," Jim said wearily. "You and I were divorced for years before I even met him."

Carolyn was silent for long moments, looking out over the city. In profile she didn't look so very different from when Jim had first met her all those years ago.

"I know," she said at last. "I do know that, Jimmy. It's just sometimes I get confused, I get things mixed up in my head. It... scares me."

"You need help, Carolyn," Jim said gently, touched by the sadness in her voice and that quick poignant flash of memory. "Please let me help you."

"It's too late for that," she said quietly. "I just want this to be over now. But I couldn't leave you to go on without me as if I had never been. I had to make sure you never ever forgot my name. So I decided my last act would be to take away everything you have, Jimmy. Just as I've lost everything I had."

A shaft of ice entered Jim's heart. "What are you talking about?"

Finally Carolyn turned to face him and Jim drew in a sharp breath at the changes time and illness had wrought on her too thin face.

"That little family of yours, Jim. Did you think I would just creep away and leave you to your domestic bliss?"

Carolyn laughed harshly, a cracked and broken sound that clashed on Jim's nerves. He took a step towards her and she drew back quickly.

"Come any closer and I'll jump," she warned.

Her threats about his family ringing in his ears Jim threw discretion to the winds. "Do you think I care?" he growled. "Jump, you crazy bitch and solve all our problems. What did you mean about my family?"

"God damn you," Carolyn breathed as his harsh words sunk in. "Your family. I've killed them, Jim. Killed them!"

Her laughter was still echoing around the windy rooftop when Jim sprang across the distance separating them, dragging her back onto the rooftop and pinning her to the rough concrete.

"What did you do?" he growled through clenched teeth. "What have you done?"

"Blast from the past," Carolyn panted hatefully. "I thought it was kinda ironic."

Jim shook her, feeling her bones under his hands. Simon was behind him yelling something but Jim's attention was focused on his ex-wife's face. "What did you do?"

"I'll give you a clue. Tick. Tick. Tick."

Jim's vision swam as Carolyn's crazy eyes were overlaid by another woman's guileless, insane gaze.

The Switchman.

Jim was running before he had even regained his feet, bolting past Simon. "Call Joel, I think she's planted a bomb!" The iron staircase from the roof rattled under his feet as Jim pushed past surprised security officers and cops.

Does Joel even have his phone with him?

Jim banged his hand on the elevator button, cursing when he saw it was six flights down. Unwilling to wait the cop pushed open the fire doors and began running full pelt down the stairs, his feet hitting the treads more quickly than his eyes could track them.

Where would she put a bomb?

Please god keep them safe.

In the lift? Too random. The loft? No, her timing was all wrong. The truck?

"Blair," Jim whispered, rounding the seventh floor mark. "Blair?" he yelled, knowing his lover couldn't hear him, picturing him hurtling down to the parking garage in the elevator, speeding towards his doom. Blair couldn't hear him, but maybe...

"Jamie!" Jim screamed at the top of his lungs.

Fifth floor.

"Jamie! Come to dad-dad, son! Jamie! Dad-dad needs you!"

Fourth floor.

Emergency doors opened above him and people peered out into the stairwell as Jim bellowed at the top of his lungs, flying down the stairs, barely feeling the treads beneath his feet.

Second floor.

First floor.

As his feet hit the landing of the parking garage the explosion hit, blowing the fire doors inwards, throwing Jim against the wall with its force. For the longest moment it was if the world were taking a deep breath, and then the concussion hit in a rush of hot air, a crash of thick glass smashing, the squeal of car alarms.

"Oh god, no," Jim wheezed, hands clenched automatically over his ears in defense.

"Blair!" Jim stumbled down the stairs, pushing past the exit doors which hung drunkenly from their hinges. "Blair!" he yelled hoarsely, scanning the scene of the devastation. Yellow emergency lights had clicked on, highlighting a nightmare scene of twisted metal and broken glass. The sprinkler system had also kicked in, sending icy cold showers of water from each spigot.

The center of the blast had obviously been the truck, patches of blue paint still clung to the twisted metal remnants of the classic vehicle. Eyes burning from the smoke and fumes Jim desperately scanned the area, hoping against hope that there was nothing here to be found. Surely his family couldn't have been anywhere near this hell?

People were arriving, security guards, hospital staff and uniformed cops running down the stairs, pouring in from the upper levels. A bomb squad truck drove up to the edge of the scene while Jim stood in the middle of the devastation, unable to think, unable to speak. His senses were useless to him now, his skills as a cop had no value, here he was a victim, the relative of a victim, more a nuisance to the professional people around him trying to do their jobs.

Someone wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and Jim realized the back of his shirt was shredded where he had slid down the rough concrete wall. The sprinklers were trickling to a halt and Jim was sitting on the bottom step in the stairwell when the world came alive for him again. Familiar footsteps were approaching, that beloved scent, that well known heart beat.

"Blair's alive," he told the nurse who was taking his pulse.

"Glad to hear it," she said warmly. "We're gonna get you all taken care of you real soon, okay? They just want to check and make sure there are no more bombs."

"Blair's alive," Jim repeated, standing up and spinning to look up the stairs.

"Jim!" Blair called down and Jim embraced the sound despite the ringing still in his ears.

"Of course Blair's alive," Jim said to himself. "The world's still turning, isn't it?"

The nurse smiled and patted his arm gently. "Blair's also very lucky to have someone who feels that way," she said gently.

Jim wanted to climb the stairs but his legs wouldn't move another inch, he simply stood as his handsome young lover ran down the stairs towards him, finally slowing a faltering halt just a few steps away. Jim suddenly realized he was acting rather strangely.

"I almost got blown up," he explained. "I'm still in shock. But you're okay."

Blair looked at him oddly and then he closed his eyes and smiled, shaking his head. "Yes," he agreed, taking the last few steps towards his lover. "I'm just fine." With his good hand he reached out and took Jim's hand, rubbing his thumb over scraped knuckles.

"They are going to be evacuating the building soon," the nurse said, a pink flush on her cheeks as Jim hauled Blair closer and kissed him hard.

"No, they're not," Simon said from behind them, and they all turned to the fire doors where the captain was standing. "I don't know why you all took the stairs," he drawled. "The elevator was much faster."

"I took the elevator the first time, Simon," Blair said, wrapping the blanket more firmly around Jim's shoulders. "How the hell did any of this happen?"

"We are looking into that," Simon said in his best captain's voice. "But for now we are pretty sure that there are no more bombs. Where's Joel and Jamie?"

"Jamie?" Jim jumped, the blanket slithering down his shoulders. He turned and grabbed Blair tightly. "Where's Jamie?" Everything Jim should have been saying and doing for the last ten minutes came crowding into his mind, unfortunately it all hit him so quickly it quite overwhelmed him and he swayed on his feet.

"Whoa," Simon said, his strong hands supporting his detective along with the nurse and Blair. "Let's get you upstairs, the elevator has been cleared for use."

"Jamie?" Jim said again, his legs like water underneath him.

"Jamie's with Joel and he's just fine, Jim," Blair assured him as they led him to the lift. "When we heard the explosion we got out of the lift and I left them on the fourth floor. We'll go up and see him now."

"Okay," Jim agreed. He hated this weak feeling but he had no choice but to allow himself to be led to the elevator and up to the emergency room. A doctor checked his back and his eyes and confirmed the self diagnosis that he was indeed in shock.

Simon came back into the cubicle. "Joel's bringing Jamie back down," he told them. "And the bomb squad has given the area the all clear."

"I'm assuming this was Carolyn's work?" Blair said, clutching Jim's shredded shirt to his chest while the nurse helped Jim into a paper gown.

"She was bragging about it last time I saw her," Simon said sourly.

"I was hoping she was pavement pizza by now," Jim said abruptly and then looked guilty. "Shock," he explained weakly when Simon, Blair and the nurse all stared at him.

"You were right about her, Jim," Blair said. "I thought she was harmless and she could have killed us all."

"Even I didn't think she was capable of this," Jim admitted.

"It's just lucky you didn't go straight to the truck," Simon said gratefully. "As it is it's a miracle no-one was killed."

"I don't think it was a miracle," Blair said, looking closely at Jim. He waited until the nurse left the cubicle before continuing. "We were out of the lift on our way to the truck when Jamie started squirming and calling for you, Jim. Joel thought he was just upset about leaving you, but when he started crying and yelling I knew something was wrong."

Blair looked into Jim's eyes for a moment. "I thought something had happened to you, Jim, and that Jamie knew. You know," he lowered his voice. "Sentinel to sentinel." Jim wrapped his arm around Blair's shoulders and tugged him down next to him on the examination bed.

"Great," Simon said incredulously. "Is the kid psychic too?"

"I was calling him," Jim said simply. "I was calling for him as I ran down the stairs."

Blair nodded as if his suspicions were confirmed.

Simon groped for a chair and sat down. "How are we gonna write this up?" he asked helplessly. "How are we going to explain this to Taggert?"

"Explain what to Taggert?" Joel said from the doorway.

"Dad-dad!" Jamie called tearfully from the big man's arms.

"Jamie," Jim said in real pleasure as Joel deposited the child on his lap. "There's my boy."

"Where you been?" Jamie asked crossly and Jim smiled.

"Looking for you, Jamie. Did you hear me calling for you?"

Jamie nodded emphatically. "Go home now!" he demanded.

Jim kissed his brown waves, breathing in the antiseptic hospital smell, realizing how much he hated it. "Good idea." Then he stopped and looked completely dismayed. "Hey, my truck!"

To his credit he really didn't hold it against his friends when they started laughing helplessly.

000

Epilogue.

"Are you sure we're up to this?"

"I'm sure."

"It's a big responsibility, Jim. Time, effort, money. It's not too late to back out."

"Do you want to back out?" Jim asked.

Blair looked down to where Jamie was crouched by the low gate. His hand tugged a dandelion free and he began blowing on it, attempting to count. "One two, free, four."

"No," Blair stiffened his spine. "No, we're not backing out."

"Then let's do it," Jim said, taking his son's hand and leading the way through the gate. A round young lady opened the front door and beamed at them.

"Jim and Blair? I'm Lizzie," she said cheerfully. "Do come through to the nursery."

She opened a door into a pleasant sunny room and then crouched down to Jamie's height.

"You must be Jamie," she smiled and the little fellow nodded. "You want to meet some friends of mine?"

She held out a hand and after a look for reassurance to his fathers Jamie took it and walked with her across the wide sunny room.

"Puppy dogs!" Jamie squealed in delight, letting go of her hand and rushing forward.

"Gently," the lady warned him. "They're just babies."

Five tiny silky terriers bounded towards this interesting new being as Jamie obediently stopped his headlong rush. He dropped to his knees, squealing with laughter as he was attacked from all sides by the playful little beasts.

Blair winced at the noise and then grinned. "I think Jamie's happy," he guessed as Jamie's husky giggling vied with the puppies excited yelping. "But a silky terrier, Jim? I would have thought a lab, or maybe a shepherd."

"Much too big for a little lad Jamie's size," Lizzie said, joining them by the windows. "A silky has the perfect temperament for a small child, loyal, affectionate and loving."

"And they make good house dogs," Jim added.

"Exactly," Lizzie agreed. "Now, three of that litter are spoken for, but there are two little girls looking for a good home. Rafe recommended you, he told me you were good people, so I'm willing to trust one of my babies to your family."

Jamie scrambled to his feet and toddled over, a tiny puppy clutched firmly to his chest. Blair leaned over and tucked the dogs tush up under the boy's arm. "Gently now, Jamie."

"Look, daddy," Jamie announced with glowing eyes. "A puppy dog!" The pup eagerly licked the boys chin and Jamie giggled and squirmed. "Kissin' Jamie," he laughed.

"Please tell me this one's not spoken for," Jim said out of the corner of his mouth.

Lizzie smiled and shook her head. "Nope. I think they both chose pretty wisely."

Jim crouched by the boy. "You like the pup, piglet?"

Jamie nodded his head. "Puppy dog likes me," he explained as the tiny dog bathed his neck with doggy kisses.

Jim exchanged a look with Blair. "You want to take the puppy home, Jamie?" he asked. "You want her to be yours?"

Jamie's eyes grew big and round and then his face broke into a huge smile. He cuddled the pup closer and clumsily kissed her silken head.

"Mine," he said joyfully.

The End.

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