The Jamie Series #2

Holding

by Gillan

The plane journey was long and hard, and Jamie let everyone know in no uncertain terms that he did not like to fly. They changed planes once in Mexico, and the baby got some sleep in the three hour layover. The two men dozed, grateful for a respite from the hours of grizzling. Once they were back up in the air in the pressurized cabin Jamie started up again.

Attempting to ignore the evil looks being shot at them by other passengers Jim tried to help Blair as much as he could, but there wasn't really much he could do. Finally, just an hour before landing the infant exhausted himself and fell into a fitful sleep.

"We must be nuts," Blair said wearily, blowing a strand of limp hair out of his eyes. But even through the exhaustion Jim could see the light in his eyes, the gleam of pure joy as he cradled the tiny body to his chest.

Once both his guys were dozing next to him Jim pulled out the sheaf of paperwork Rich had handed over, still marveling at how swiftly he had pulled it off. The documents looked impressive printed on thick paper with a heavy seal. A name caught his eye and Jim looked a little closer.

James Sandburg Ellison. Rich had apparently named the boy. Well, it wasn't like he'd had the luxury of time to consult them. Jim frowned and squinted. Ellison? And then he caught his breath in shock.

Because it was indeed Ellison, James Ellison listed as the Adopted Parent. Not Blair Sandburg.

Heart pounding, Jim glanced over at his sleeping lover. This was going to be tough.

The landing was smooth, and since neither of them had any luggage other than the bag of essentials supplied by the Children's Home for Jamie, they were quickly processed through Customs. The officials took some long hard looks at the paperwork Jim handed over, and although both men held their collective breath, they were soon processed and waved through.

"Phew," Blair shifted the dozing baby carefully in his arms as they proceeded out to the luggage section. "Just for a moment I doubted your good buddy Rich."

"Yeah, me too. I am still wondering how we are going to explain this to everybody." He gestured at the baby.

"It's nobody's business but ours," Blair said stubbornly.

There were only a few people at the cab stand when they took their places.

"You want me to take him?" Jim offered, noticing the weary slump of Blair posture.

Blair smiled. "I could do with a break but I just know if I pass him over he's going to start screaming again," he said tiredly. An older man in a suit who was before them in line stepped back and gestured them forward

"Please," he said politely. "I'm in no hurry."

Astonished Jim stared as the other people in front of them waved them through, just as a cab pulled up.

"Thanks so much," Blair said gratefully, subsiding into the back seat.

"I don't believe that just happened," Jim said dazedly as the cab sped away. "People at an airport giving up cabs?"

"It must be a baby thing," Blair speculated. "Speaking of which, we have no milk for Jamie, and no food for us."

"Yeah, and I forgot to clean out the refrigerator before I left," Jim recalled. "So basically all that's going to be in there are biological weapons."

"You forgot?" Blair teased.

"Well, I did kind of have other stuff on my mind," Jim pointed out. Blair reached for his hand and squeezed it.

"I will zip out for some vital supplies when we get home," Jim tried to stretch his aching back as best he could in the confines of the back seat.

Jim was never more grateful that the elevator at the loft was finally working than that afternoon, as he and Blair trudged down the hall. He was exhausted. But as soon as he opened the door into the loft and all the familiar scents washed over him he felt revitalized. Blair seemed to feel it too.

"Home," he whispered, turning shining eyes on Jim. "We're home."

Jim wrapped his arms around his lover and Jamie, holding them both close to him. "Finally. Mmm, smell that?" He cocked an inquiring head, greedily inhaling and savoring the scents of home.

Closing his eyes Blair took a deep breath. "Yeah," he said softly. "I do."

Between them Jamie squirmed and moaned in his sleep. "Moment's over," Blair announced softly, eyes twinkling.

Jim closed the door behind them, shrugging off his coat and hanging it on the hook. Blair was still standing there, looking around the spacious loft. "Uh, Jim? Where am I going to put him?"

"Your old bed," Jim speculated, leading the way into the spare room. It was a lot tidier now than when Blair had left it, the bed neatly made with one of Blair's colorful bedspreads. "Lay him down in the middle and we'll prop pillows around him."

Half a dozen pillows and cushions later Jamie was comfortably ensconced on the center of the bed, still sleeping deeply. Blair hovered over him for a moment. "This kid is a world class crawler," he fretted. "We better listen out for him, in case he wakes up and starts to explore."

"That's where the old Sentinel hearing comes in handy," Jim pointed out gently, wrapping an arm around his weary lover's shoulders and leading him from the room. "Better than a nursery radio."

"Beats modern technology," Blair joked, casting one eye over his shoulder as he walked out under Jim's arm.

"Man, I could eat," Jim opened the fridge door and grimaced, his keen senses instantly picking out the scent of rotting vegetables.

Blair scooched in next to him and began rummaging through the meager contents. "We got... apples... really limp celery, something in a blue Tupperware dish that looks like... I don't think I want to say what that looks like."

"And you really don't want to know what it smells like," Jim informed him, snagging the container and dropping the whole thing into the bin.

"Pizza?" Blair suggested.

"Sounds good. I'll go get the milk and some breakfast stuff for tomorrow." Jim grabbed the forgotten rubbish bag on his way out and tied the top tightly. "Phew, I am going to need a shower when I get home to get this smell off me."

"You know it's true love when your Sentinel doesn't even throw out the garbage before rushing to your rescue," Blair declared smugly.

With a mock frown Jim grabbed his coat and trotted back down the hall to the lift, garbage bag held out as far from his body as he could.

By the time he had picked up some more cash from the ATM and grabbed a few essentials from the grocery store it was full dark and he was starting to feel the drag of exhaustion. All he wanted was to scarf some pizza and a brew and climb into bed.

The pizza guy was pulling away as Jim parked, and the cop headed upstairs, visions of melting cheese dancing in his head, the heady scent leading him down the hall. Blair was laying out the plates one handed, his free arm was full of a very wide awake baby.

"I thought he'd sleep a few more hours at least," Jim said, dumping the shopping bags on the counter. "He must be exhausted after all that crying."

"Yeah, but he obviously springs from hardier stock than me," Blair brushed a kiss over a downy cheek. "Hmm, Jamie? I think he's hungry."

"Maybe it's better this way," Jim speculated, unpacking his purchases. "He might sleep through the night if he eats and stays awake for a while. Do babies his age sleep through the night?"

Blair shook his head with a laugh. "Man, you are going to have to get out of the habit of asking me this stuff like I know. I am as much in the dark as you are."

"Well, you've had all the right moves so far." Jim held up a bottle and a plastic wrapped teat. "Do these look okay?"

Blair peered at them. "They look like a bottle and a teat."

"You would not believe how many different types of these things they had in the supermarket. And diapers! An entire aisle of them."

Blair put a cold beer each on the table and sat down, opening the pizza box. "You got disposables?" He frowned disapprovingly at his lover. "You know what those things do to the environment?"

"Yeah, yeah," Jim scratched his nose thoughtfully, studying the bottle and teat. "I think I'll boil this stuff first, sterilize it. Should I warm the milk?"

Blair tugged off a pizza crust and blew on it, before handing it to Jamie who immediately stuffed the end into his mouth. He began gumming it happily. "I guess so. Jim, those diapers..."

"Blair, I know, okay. Land fill, polluting the environment etc. But this is an emergency. We will get cloth diapers and the millions of other things we need later, all right?"

"All right," Blair said defensively. "All I'm saying is we got a future generation to think about now. Jamie deserves to grow up in a world that isn't overflowing with our generation's trash."

"Yes, professor," Jim agreed. The milk was warming gently in one pan and the bottles were cooling from their boiling water dunking by the time Jim sat down and snagged a slice of pizza. "Ahh, I needed that." He took a swig of beer and belched discreetly.

"Look, Jamie," Blair said sweetly, "Daddy's home."

Jim faked a caveman grunt and ate more pizza. He studied the picture his lover and the child made, Blair attempting to eat the pizza one handed, while Jamie smeared the now liquid crust all over his face, and into Blair's hair as well. "I think we both better shower before bed," Jim pointed out.

Blair gave a pained grimace and flicked his hair over his shoulder. "Should put a hair cut on the list."

"What else is on this list?" Jim asked, ignoring the hair cut comment for now. He laughed out loud as Blair fished a piece of paper out from under the pizza box. "You have an actual list already?" He took another mouthful of beer, trying not to choke on his laughter.

"Are you kidding? Do you know how much stuff I have to sort out? How much stuff we have to buy?"

"Ouch," Jim grimaced. "Sudden sharp pain in my credit limit."

"Oh yeah," Blair studied the list. "Crib, high chair, change table, baby bath, and that's just the stuff I could have used in the half hour you were away. Clothes, diapers, - cloth ones," he said pointedly. "And then there's the list of stuff to do. See a lawyer, find a pediatrician, call my friend about getting Jamie a place in the university child care center, figure out medical insurance..."

"He can go on my policy at work. One thing our union hasn't traded away is a good health plan."

"Yeah, but Jim, remember the three thousand forms I had to fill out as a consultant to get even partial coverage through the department? How are we going to get Jamie added to your policy?"

Jim put down his last slice of pizza and slowly wiped his hands on a paper towel. This was not a moment he had been looking forward to. He pulled the sheaf of papers from his inside pocket and laid them on the table. "I won't have any trouble adding him onto my policy as a dependent, Blair. He is my dependent. Rich named me as his guardian and legal parent." Jim slid the relevant document across the table.

Blair paused in the middle of a thought, mouth half open in surprise. "He what?" Springing to his feet he circled the table, handed Jamie to Jim and snatched the paper up. Jim attempted to hold the child without getting goop all over his shirt, but quickly just gave up and leaned him on his shoulder.

Blair had his glasses out and on his nose and he was reading through the form. "James Sandburg Ellison. Well, I guess I'm lucky my name is on here at all," he muttered, scanning the thick sheet of paper.

"It's not like Rich had the luxury of time here," Jim pointed out reasonably.

"I know," Blair nodded slowly. "I know it was all rushed, believe me I'm well aware of the fact that we could have been returning home on our own." He put the paper on the table and sat back down. "I can still feel that ache when I had to hand him over to the sister at the embassy. I am never going to be anything but grateful to Rich for fixing that. But, damn, Jim! I am the one who wanted this, who pushed for it, I am the one who feels like this kid is my flesh and blood already, and I have no legal rights to him at all!"

"Not yet. We will sort something out with the lawyer, Blair." Jim soothed. "We will get you named co-guardian or whatever the legalese is."

"No offense, Jim, but I'd much rather you were named co-guardian. He is James Ellison, Junior. My son, is your son." Blair's tone was bitter as he took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"He's our son," Jim said quietly. "If the fact that he was born to other parents in another country doesn't change that, why should a name on a piece of paper?"

Blair met Jim's eyes for long thoughtful moments, then he sighed and shrugged. "It doesn't." He circled the table again and leaned over, cupping the nape of Jim's neck and resting his forehead to his lover's. "I'm sorry, Jim."

Jim half closed his eyes, almost overwhelmed by the scent and feel of his lover so close to him. "I understand. We will make it all right, Blair." Jamie chose that moment to discard his chewed crust, with unerring aim he managed to drop it into the open collar of Jim's shirt.

"Another tender moment over, thanks to Jamie," Blair laughed as Jim jumped to his feet and struggled to fish the icky object from his shirt.

"This kid need to get over his jealousy, and quick," Jim groused as Blair took the baby off his hands. He pulled his shirt out of his pants and watched the crust plop out onto the floor. "Gross."

"What this kid needs is to be hosed down, and then it's beddy byes. I'll wash him while you make his bottle up, okay?"

Jim stripped off his shirt, scrubbing absently at his chest with it as he poured the warm milk into the clean bottle and screwed the top on. Then he followed Blair down the hallway to the bathroom and propped himself up against the door jamb. "Where is he sleeping tonight?"

"With us, I guess, until we get that crib." Blair had Jamie propped up in the sink, a wadded towel protecting him from the taps. The baby was going nuts, squealing and kicking in the shallow water.

"Got to add swimming lessons to the list," Blair noted to himself.

"Yeah, he's a real water baby all right. Maybe we could rig up some kind of crib? A drawer or something?"

Blair cast an exasperated look over one shoulder. "And what if he wakes up and starts exploring? You saw how fast he can crawl. One more night and tomorrow we will get a crib."

"One more night." Jim agreed, watching the way Blair's faded jeans hugged his backside as he leaned over the sink. "It's been a long month, babe."

"Hand me that towel." Blair wrapped the baby in the towel and straightened. "It's been a long month for me too, lover. But I don't think I could get carried away with passion while I worried about this little mite." He passed Jim in the doorway, casually bumping his hip into Jim's on the way past.

"You underestimate my ability to distract you, Jim muttered. "And by the way, I wouldn't count on me being with you on your quest to bankrupt us tomorrow. Simon is going to want me back at work."

"Oh, Jim," Blair said in dismay, laying the baby down on the bed and rubbing him gently with the towel. "We have so much to do. Couldn't you get one more day?"

"How can I ask that, Blair? I've been gone more than a week already, and Simon was pretty good about letting me take off on a moment's notice. I better phone him right now, as a matter of fact."

"I guess." Blair pulled out the last clean undershirt from the bag and tugged it over the baby's head. "Throw me one of those Earth destroying diapers will you?"

Jim tossed him the whole bag and picked up the phone. The captain answered in his gruff tone after a few rings.

"Simon? Sorry to call you at home."

"Jim? You back?"

"Yeah, we just got in a few hours ago."

"We? Blair's with you? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, I guess you haven't watched the news, the hostages were released this morning."

"Yeah, I saw it, I just didn't expect you guys to be back so soon. Besides, with that other news brewing the hostage story was kind of buried."

Jim watched Blair carry the freshly diapered baby into the lounge area, snagging the bottle of milk on the way. "News, Simon?"

"You haven't heard? Presidential scandal brewing in Washington. Want the details?"

Jim made a face. "Thanks anyway, sir, I'm sure we will hear all about it soon enough. See you tomorrow." Jim hung up the phone and followed Blair into the lounge.

"Yeah, I know you can hold it yourself, Jamie," Blair was saying, holding onto the bottle and attempting to direct it to the baby's mouth while evading his busy hands.

"Here," Jim nipped into the spare room and grabbed a thick quilt which he doubled and laid on the floor at their feet. Blair laid the baby on his back in the middle of the rug and again guided the bottles teat to his mouth. This time Jamie grabbed the bottle firmly and proceeded to suckle lustily, eyes half closing in pleasure.

"Superseded already," Blair joked, climbing back up on the couch and relaxing back with a sigh. Jim snuggled in next to him, wrapping one long arm around him and hauling him close.

"Alone at last," he growled.

"Hardly." Blair cocked an eye at the baby, still sucking down milk as if his life depended on it.

"We're parents now, Blair." Jim's lips gently touched Blair's and then skimmed away, gliding down shadowed jaw to sensitive neck. "We've got to grab our moments when we can."

"Oh yeah?" Blair tilted his head to give his lover better access.

"Yeah." Jim took advantage of Blair's pliability, humming his enjoyment as he made a meal of the delectable skin. "Snatched loving, sex on the run, we'll soon be reduced to making out in the car and blow-jobs in the broom closet at work."

Blair grabbed Jim's head and held it firmly in place as the big man found a particularly sensitive spot. "Sounds exciting."

With another low growl, not faked this time, Jim found Blair's lips and bore him back onto the arm of the couch with the force of his passionate kiss.

"Jim, Jim." Blair freed his mouth long enough to gasp. "Not here, man."

Jim joined Blair in looking down at the baby, he was fast asleep, the bottle dripping on the quilt next to him, his rosebud mouth working now and then as if still suckling. Climbing carefully to his feet Jim straightened the bottle up and then held out a hand to Blair, hauling him to his feet. Without another word he led the smaller man to the spare bedroom, sweeping the cushions and pillows from the bed with one arm.

Blair was way ahead of him, and was stripped down to his boxers by the time Jim turned. Jim's skin flushed and his breathing quickened as he found himself getting even more turned on than he thought possible by the sight of his gorgeous lover running his hand over his own chest, stroking over a nipple then dropping down to toy with the waistband of his shorts.

"God," Jim groaned, stripping as quickly as he could. "This is going to be a quick one, baby. It's been too damned long since I had you in my arms."

Naked now Blair hopped onto the bed and rolled over onto his back, holding his own arms out to his lover. Jim climbed into them, sighing as flesh met flesh for the first time in too long.

"I missed you, baby," Jim gritted out, already finding his rhythm as their slick hard cocks dueled between them. "Every night, every day, I missed you so much!"

"Jim, Jim," Blair moaned, seeming beyond anything but repeating his lovers name over and over. Jim's lips found his and they cried out into each others mouths as they reached the pinnacle of pleasure within moments of each other, spilling hot liquid love between them.

"Never again," Jim found himself muttering as he collapsed on his spent lover. "Never letting you go again."

Blair was already melting into slumber, his lax hands slipping from Jim's back as he sighed and drifted away.

Jim rolled over onto his side and cradled the sturdy form, enjoying the rich scents of their love-making that permeated the spare room, and the feel of the silken flesh cuddled close to him. When he felt himself begin to doze he forced himself awake and detached reluctantly from Blair. After a quick scrub of his belly with his discarded t-shirt Jim donned his shorts and padded out into the lounge area. Rain was sheeting against the window, low thunder rumbled around the horizon in the distance. Jim automatically adjusted his vision to the darkness and moved over to the quilt where the baby lay. As he approached Jamie opened his eyes, staring back at him in the night dark room.

"Well howdy, little guy." Jim knelt down and picked the baby up, holding him to his shoulder as he automatically patted his bottom, feeling the damp humidity through the diaper's plastic cover.

"Uh oh, wet again. You are a regular watering can, aren't you?"

Jim laid him down and tugged at the sticky tabs, pulling the wet diaper off and bundling it up. He quickly retrieved the essentials of bottom changing, dumping the used one on his way. "I am going to be an expert at this in no time," Jim congratulated himself as he wiped and powdered and fastened. Jamie just lay on the quilt, staring up at him as he worked, the dark brown eyes following every move absorbedly.

"Beh," Jamie said suddenly.

"Heh heh, just realized I'm not your idol, huh?" Jim chuckled and picked him up again, sitting the baby on his arm and letting him lean against his chest. "Well, Blair is asleep, which is what you should be. So far you haven't had more than a few hours at a time." Jim sat down on the couch and relaxed back, curving the baby into the crook of his arm. He studied the small brown face, the round cheekbones, the dark eyes studying his own face just as carefully. What was his namesake thinking as he lay there looking up at him? Was he remembering his mothers face? Was he wondering why she was not here? Was he grieving for her? Jamie's eyes were fluttering closed, long lashes fanning his cheeks, and Jim didn't resist the urge to lay a gentle kiss on the smooth brow.

000

When Jim awoke the next morning he was alone in Blair's old bed, the quilt from last night thrown over him. A rapid scan of the area detected the quiet sounds from the kitchen, two heartbeats as familiar to him as his own. He recalled laying a sleeping Jamie next to Blair last night, then curling up next to him. He must have been more tired than he thought, because after that it was all pretty much a blank. Climbing stiffly out of bed Jim stood in the doorway, rubbing his eyes. "Morning," he said gruffly, then cleared his throat. "How long have you been up?"

Blair was sitting at the kitchen table, his laptop open in front of him. The remains of breakfast was scattered over the table and Jamie was sitting on the floor near Blair's feet, happily gumming on a slice of toast. "Morning. About an hour. Jamie decided he was hungry. I figured I better feed him before he let everyone else on Prospect Place know it too."

Jim ducked in the bathroom to take care of his most pressing need, then washed his hands and splashed some water on his face in an attempt to wake himself up a bit. He then trotted back into the kitchen to the stovetop, pausing to drop a kiss on Blair's head and to ruffle Jamie's hair on the way past. He was rewarded with two smiles, one rather buttery.

"I can't believe even the smell of toast didn't wake me," Jim remarked, pouring himself a cup of coffee and sipping gratefully. "I'm starved."

Blair took off his glasses and surveyed his lover. "You obviously have a lot of rest to catch up on, Jim. I mean, you were 'on' for more than a week, man. You were awesome! That's got to take it's toll on a nearly forty year old body."

Jim made a sour face and sat down. "Gee, thanks for that, Chief. Just see if I come rescue you next time you're trapped in a war-torn third world country."

Blair got up and dropped a kiss on his Sentinel's head. "You will," he said serenely. "Breakfast?"

"Yeah," Jim looked down to see Jamie had crawled over to his feet and was surveying his toes with interest. "You mash that goopy toast on me, sport, and you are in big trouble," Jim said conversationally.

Jamie gazed up at Jim with big innocent eyes, then crammed the crust of toast back into his mouth. He then grinned at Jim hugely, cheeks bulging with toast and shining with butter.

"Just so we understand each other," Jim acknowledged, bending to wipe small sticky hands and face with a napkin. "You sure he's okay on the floor, Chief?"

"On your floor?" Blair asked incredulously. "He could eat off it, which, until we get a high chair, is what he's going to have to do."

The list was still on the table and Jim opened it, studying the daunting array of tasks and purchases on it. "I'm sorry you have to handle this on your own, Chief," he said quietly.

"I know you are." Blair laid Jim's breakfast in front of him and returned to his computer.

"I mean, Simon was really good to let me take off the way I did, and he really needs me back. Not that you don't need me today, but-"

"Jim," Blair interrupted. "It's okay, I understand. I'm disappointed," he shrugged, "But I'll get over it. I just thought it would be fun to shop for Jamie's things together, that's all."

At the sound of his name Jamie crawled over to Blair and grabbed his jeans, attempting and almost succeeding in pulling himself to his feet.

"Yeah, you know your name now, don't you, Jamie?" Blair praised, stroking tumbled brown locks of hair on the tiny skull.

"Shopping is not fun, Chief," Jim relayed through mouthfuls of breakfast. "Dragging through one store after another, comparing prices and styles and trends..." Jim made an expressive face.

"Well, I don't have time for all that today. Today I get the basics, then when you have some free time we can do the rest. Together." Blair laughed aloud as Jim's face fell. "Did you really think I could outfit a baby from the ground up in one day?" he hooted. "Don't worry, Jim, lots of comparative shopping days left."

After a leisurely breakfast and a rushed shower Jim was bidding his lover farewell at the door. "I feel like I'm going off to war instead of to work," he grumbled playfully when Blair was done kissing him good-bye. "Are you sure you don't want the truck?"

"Not until we get a safety seat put in it." Blair held Jamie out to Jim for his good-bye kiss, which the big man deposited on a now clean cheek. "I'll be fine cabbing it today, and I can get the new furniture delivered. Hey, lover?"

"Hmm?" Jim had his gun strapped on and was shrugging into his jacket.

"Be careful out there, okay?"

Jim met Blair's eyes, seeing the understanding in them, the knowledge that this was the first of many such partings when Blair would have been with him if not for the changed circumstances in their lives. There was knowledge and sadness in the blue eyes gazing at him, but no regret or uncertainty.

"Always," Jim assured him, and with a last wave he was gone.

000

The first person Jim saw when he got off the lift was Simon, bustling down the corridor.

"Jim! Welcome back!" Simon clapped him on the shoulder heartily. "Sandburg not with you?"

"No. He had a lot to do today," Jim said honestly. "Simon, can we talk?"

"It'll have to be later, Jim. We've got a meeting in my office. Can it wait?"

Jim glanced into the squad-room ,where half a dozen detectives were already standing around outside Simon's office. "Sure, captain. We'll talk later."

The meeting took 45 minutes and then they were off and running on the latest lead in a series of violent home invasions. Jim worked the scene with the other detectives and then spent the rest of the morning going over case comparisons. It was after one when he came up for air and he decided to get a little business out of the way before grabbing a sandwich from the machine.

Administration was quiet and Vera was working at her desk.

"Hi, Vera," Jim said in friendly tones.

"Detective Ellison." Vera stood up and crossed to the counter.

"How can I help you?"

"I need to add a dependent to my insurance. Can I do that here?"

Vera eyed him speculatively for a moment and then bent over and retrieved some forms from under the counter. "You can fill out the forms here," she said. "But it will take 2-4 weeks to process."

Jim frowned down at the sheaf of forms. "What if I need to use it sooner?"

"I am only authorized to issue a temporary card for a minor child," Vera said condescendingly. "Can't your wife use her old insurance until the paper work is processed? Congratulations by the way."

"Thank you," Jim smiled. "But I didn't get married." He produced his own sheaf of papers and held them out. "I adopted a baby."

Vera's mouth opened, but no words came out. She gaped for a moment then a suspicious look crossed her face and she shot a glance over his shoulder at the open door. "Is this some kind of prank, detective?" she said sourly. "Because I don't appreciate you wasting my time like this."

Jim pointed at the papers in her hand that she had not yet glanced at. "No joke, Vera. Those are very real. Now, do you have a pen so I can fill these out while you make up that temporary card?"

Automatically Vera groped under the counter and produced a pen. She watched as Jim uncapped it and began to fill in the boxes on the forms. Finally she looked down at the papers she clutched.

"Oh and, Vera?" Jim said quietly. "I hope you appreciate that this is a private matter. I don't want it bandied around the station."

Vera recovered her dignity quickly, drawing herself up to her full height and assuming a disdainful look. "First of all, detective, I do not bandy anything around! I deal with confidential information every day. Second of all-"

Jim held up a hand to interrupt what looked like becoming a tirade. "I apologize most humbly, Vera," he said, a humorous twinkle in his eyes. "I had no right to imply otherwise. This is just something I'd prefer to keep quiet for now."

Vera glanced pointedly down at the papers in her hand. "James Sandburg Ellison," she read out archly. "I'm not surprised you want to keep this quiet, detective." Looking thrilled to have scored a point she went about her business and left Jim to his form filling out. He knew that he was fooling himself that he could keep this quiet. There was just something about a police precinct that made it impossible to keep secrets. They seemed to leak out through the walls, run from floor to floor, permeate the lunch rooms and the locker rooms. Soon enough everyone would know he and Blair had adopted a baby. Common sense dictated that he inform his boss himself.

000

After a quick lunch at his desk Jim decided it was time to beard the lion in his den. With a deep breath he knocked on the captain's door and waited for an invitation to enter.

"Jim! Come in, sit down. Coffee?"

"No thanks, Simon."

"How's the case coming?"

"We've got the victims working on those questionnaires to see if we can find any links between them, and I'm running some of the details through the national data base, looking for a similar M.O."

"Good, good." Simon relaxed back into his chair, coffee cup grasped in his long fingers. "So, quite an adventure last week, hmm? Give me all the details."

Jim scratched his nose thoughtfully. "All the details would probably take another week to tell. The most important detail... Well, there's no easy way to say this, Simon, except to come right out with it. While we were in South America, Blair and I adopted a baby."

Simon's smile froze on his face, then relaxed into a booming laugh. "Okay, okay. What's the joke here?"

Jim sighed, guessing this was going to be a recurring theme in these scenes. "No joke, Simon. We adopted a baby."

"My god," Simon's face reflected the disbelief in his voice. "You're serious, aren't you? You adopted a baby?"

"Yes."

"Jesus, Jim. You were only gone for a week! I don't know much about this kind of thing, but that just doesn't seem possible to me."

"Well, we still have a lot of details to iron out. I'm guessing my lawyer's going to be taking his vacation on us this year. But my contact in South America pushed all the legal stuff through on that end. It's a done deal, Simon."

"A done deal," Simon repeated dazedly. "You go to rescue Sandburg from another scrape and come home with a baby. Whose baby? How the hell did this happen, Jim?"

Jim stifled a twinge of resentment at the insistent tone in the captain's voice. Simon was his friend and his boss, he had the right to demand all the details.

"He's an orphan, Simon," Jim explained. "We were traveling through the jungle and we came upon this... massacre. A dozen or so civilians slaughtered out of hand. One of those little tragedies that didn't make the evening news. Jamie was the only survivor."

"Jamie?" Simon asked incredulously.

Jim cursed himself as he felt a blush on his cheeks. "We only found him because of my Sentinel abilities, Simon. Blair named him after me."

"Cute. So you found this kid, which must have been pretty traumatic for the both of you. But how did you jump from there to adoption, Jim?"

Simon was obviously puzzled, but Jim's finer senses could also pick up on his accelerated heartbeat and breathing, which indicated to Jim that he was pretty upset as well. Unsure as to why this news would cause such a strong reaction in his friend the detective tried to explain.

"It was traumatic, Simon. You know how emotion like that can leave you wide open, no room for pretenses. Well, it didn't take me long to see that Blair had fallen head over heels for this kid. And that Jamie had become very attached to him as well."

"So this was all Sandburg? The kid comes up with this crazy idea and you just go along with it?" Simon's pulse was way up now, a flush of anger shining beneath his skin.

"Whoa now, Simon," Jim said firmly. "I don't know what it is about this that has you so riled, but since when is a couple adopting a child a crazy idea?"

Simon made an obvious attempt to relax, unclenching his fists and taking a deep breath. "I'm not riled, Jim," he said, forcing a laugh. "You caught me by surprise, that's all. This was not exactly something I was expecting to hear. I guess congratulations are in order."

The captain stood and offered his hand and after a moment Jim took it and they shook. He knew that Simon was putting on a front, even without his Sentinel senses detecting the signs of repressed anger his own intuition was screaming at him that the other man was lying. For just a moment he considered confronting his boss with it, but then he swiftly dismissed the idea. A private man himself, he liked to be left alone to sort through his thoughts and feelings. He could do no less than grant the same courtesy to his friend.

"Tell Sandburg I expect an invitation to dinner to meet the new addition to your house hold," the captain said cheerily.

Jim smiled. "Sure, Simon, sounds like a great idea."

000

Jim persevered another few hours at work before finally packing it in. He tried to ring Blair for the second time that day, and again got the answering machine. The cell phone returned an 'out of range' recording, so it was obvious his partner was on the move.

Pulling into the parking space at home Jim noticed the Volvo was gone, so he concluded that Blair had managed to buy a car seat at least. Entering the loft he saw that Blair had in fact managed to get a lot more than that. The dining area had a brand new addition, a wooden high chair stood by the table, a brightly colored teddy decal on its back. Jim dumped his coat and keys and went to examine the spare room, which also had some new additions, if the pile of Blair's stuff that had been shifted out was any indication. Inside was a wooden cot, it's dull patina a match for the high chair, and there was also what he assumed would be a matching change table, when it was set up. A pile of other paraphernalia sat on the spare bed.

Frowning Jim ran his hand over the smooth wood of the cot, tracing the grinning teddy decal. Although it was in fine condition, and beautifully finished, Jim's eyes could pick out old faint scars in the wood, indicating that it was second hand.

Had Sandburg taken his grumbles about spending money to heart? Instead of buying brand new furniture, had he settled for this second- hand stuff? Glad to see that at least the bed linen and mattress were new Jim began to strip off plastic covers and make up the cot. He then opened out the change table and fixed it into place. Bundling up the discarded plastic wrap he carefully disposed of it, mindful of small prying fingers.

Jim grabbed a can of beer from the fridge and amused himself for a while sketching plans for some new bookshelves under the stairs, to store the rest of Blair's stuff. Twenty minutes later he heard the unmistakable sound of the Volvo turning the corner, and he grabbed his keys and jogged downstairs.

The dark green Volvo was just pulling into the central parking area as Jim crossed the road. "Great timing," Blair called, turning off the motor and pulling off his sunglasses. "We have got a bunch of groceries to take upstairs."

"Great." Jim bent down and smiled through the back window. Jamie was riding high in a baby capsule strapped in the center of the back seat. He was also dressed in a brand new outfit, little blue sandals on his feet and a blue shorts and top set. When he saw Jim he pulled the toy teddy he was chewing out of his mouth and grinned.

"Here, man, you take this stuff." Blair had the trunk open and he gestured to the bunch of bags inside. He tugged out a metal frame and with a flick of the wrist transformed it into a dark blue stroller.

"Busy day, Chief?" Jim gathered the plastic handles together and heaved the half a dozen bags out of the trunk, slamming it closed with his elbow.

"You have no idea, man," Blair blew a strand of hair out of his eyes as he unbuckled the baby from the car seat and lifted him into the stroller. "And don't count on dinner tonight either, I never got out of the baby aisle at the store."

"I guess it's take-out again," Jim observed. "You dropped something."

"Oops, can't forget this guy. "Blair bent down and picked up the small bear Jamie had been clutching in the car. Only about five inches high it was made of red and green tartan, its limbs buttoned to its body, its black sewn on face grinning cheekily. Blair dusted him off.

"Looks like Jamie's chewed him up a bit already," Jim observed, nodding at its one torn ear.

"Nah, he came that way. Jim, meet your son's first US toy, Ten-cent bear."

"Ten-cent bear?"

Blair handed Jamie his toy and began to push the stroller across the road, keeping an eye out for traffic.

"He was in the markdown bin at the grocery store, because his ear is ripped. Jamie and I decided he needed a home."

Jim followed Blair into the building and into the lift, frowning in irritation. "What is this? Some attempt to make me feel guilty?" he said abruptly. "I know I was complaining about all the expense, but I didn't mean for you to go out and buy all second hand stuff! And a broken toy, for god's sake!"

Blair turned astonished eyes on his partner. "Whoa, hold on there, man. I bought that furniture because I fell in love with it. New isn't always better, you know, and they just don't make furniture like that any more. It's sturdy and it's beautiful."

"And it's second hand," Jim persisted.

"Pre-loved," Blair corrected. "And the great thing is, when Jamie's grown out of it the store where I got it will buy it back and someone else will get to love it and use it. It's a circle, man! The ultimate recycling!"

Jim rolled his eyes up. "You're missing my point here, Sandburg." He waited while Blair unlocked the door and wheeled the stroller inside.

"No, I'm not. You don't like the furniture I bought."

Jim dumped the groceries on the counter. "I don't dislike it," he sighed. "I just don't see why you couldn't get some nice new stuff."

"Shiny plastic petroleum by-products and coated alloy," Blair said tartly. "No thanks. Look at this, Jim." Blair ran a hand over the high chair. "Wood lives, it breathes."

"It breeds germs," Jim finished.

"Oh dear," Blair bent over and unbuckled the stroller straps. "I think Daddy is pissed off," he said to Jamie in a sing song tone.

"I am not," Jim said tightly. "And don't say 'pissed' to the baby."

"Pissed," Jamie said clearly.

Blair stopped dead, staring at the innocent little face and then swinging a dazed look on Jim, who stared back at him. Then they were bursting into laughter, Jim chortling so hard he had to bend over at the waist. Pleased with this reaction Jamie kicked his little feet against the bar of the stroller.

"Pissed!" he shouted.

"You are really going to have to watch what you say," Blair chuckled.

"Me?"

"And laughing is probably the worst thing we could do." Blair hoisted Jamie up and kissed his tiny nose. "Now you wanna talk?" he asked the baby before depositing him on the floor and handing him Ten-cent bear again. "All day I have been trying to get him to say Daddy and he just stares at me stubbornly."

"Daddy, huh?" Jim shook his head, realizing that all the tensions of the day had faded with his laughter. "Guess he really likes that bear, doesn't he?" he said, a little shame-faced at his previous reaction to it.

Jamie had the untorn ear in his mouth and was sucking on it happily, padded bottom firmly on the floor, sandaled feet stuck out in front of him.

"Yeah, another ragged orphan in the family. You are collecting them, Jim."

Jim snagged his lover and hauled him close, hugging him in apology for his earlier mood. "That's my family you're talking about there, Chief."

Blair snuggled closer and laid a kiss on his lover's firm jaw.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

Sighing Jim returned the kiss and loosened his hold. "Yeah, it's just, when I was growing up second hand meant poor. Cheap. It was only the best for the Ellison family."

"Well when I was growing up I don't remember owning clothes that hadn't belonged to someone else first."

"Is that where you developed your baggy clothes fetish?" Jim teased.

"Nah, man. Just covering up my best assets. I mean, can you imagine the riot if I paraded around with my clothes hugging this god-like figure?" Blair mimed a shudder then winked cheekily.

"In your dreams, Sandburg," Jim scoffed, letting Blair go and turning to unpack the groceries. Inwardly he cursed, his minds eye now running rampant with images of Blair in tight black jeans, tight tee, maybe one cut off at the waist...

"Damn!" Jim fumbled with a glass jar and managed not to drop it on the floor.

Blair snickered from across the room and Jim turned a mock glare on him.

Dinner was take-out again, and Blair joked that Jamie's next word was going to be 'pizza'. Over the meal Blair outlined the results of his day starting with the pediatrician's appointment on Saturday.

"We were lucky they could squeeze us in. You'll be free on Saturday, won't you?"

Jim looked at Blair's hopeful face and sighed. "I'll try, Chief, but you know how it is."

"Yeah."

Jamie banged his plastic spoon on the high chair table and smacked his lips.

"Oh, you ready for some more?" Blair had warmed up a jar of baby food and now Jim picked it up, studying the label curiously.

"Beef and vegetables," he read out loud, sniffing at the contents. "I got to tell you, Chief, this doesn't smell like beef and/or vegetables."

"But Jamie doesn't mind, do you, piglet?" Jamie opened his mouth for a spoonful and sucked it down, gumming happily at the mush.

Jim dipped a finger in and tried it, an expectant grimace on his face that melted away to a look of pleased surprise at the taste. "Hey, that's pretty good."

Blair removed the jar from his grasp before he could try any more.

"It's also your son's dinner," he said firmly. "Not yours. Now tell me about your day."

Jim filled Blair in on the details of his day, describing the case and all his reactions at the crime scene. He then told Blair about his fun and games with the insurance forms.

"Red tape," Blair said, making a face. "I guess that's one good thing about you being the one to adopt Jamie. Makes stuff like insurance easier. But you know this means everyone is going to find out about this pretty quickly."

"Yeah, I already told Simon." Jim grimaced.

"Oh yeah?" Blair paused with the last spoonful halfway to Jamie's mouth. The baby quickly got impatient with the delay and reached out for it, managing to knock the contents all over his tray. "Damn." Blair grabbed a napkin and wiped the tray before the baby could spread it all over himself. "Well, what did he say? Was he totally freaked out?"

Jim nodded slowly. "Yeah, I think you could definitely say it freaked him out. But, I also think it made him angry."

"Angry? What did he say?"

"Not much. I could just tell."

Blair sighed. "I think we are going to have to accept that this is going to freak a lot of people out. People who might not care what two adult males do in the privacy of their own home will have pretty strong reactions to those same men bringing a child into the middle of it all. You thought it was tough when we came out? Hoo boy."

"Yeah. But it is their problem, Chief. Not ours."

Jamie banged his spoon on the table and proceeded to ooze out the last spoonful of food he had been saving in his mouth. Jim watched in horrified fascination as it trickled down his chin onto his worse for wear bib.

"We have enough problems of our own."

000

The next day saw some leads on the home invaders, including a very promising tip-off from an informer about the next possible victim. At four o'clock Jim picked up the phone to tell Blair he wouldn't be home for dinner. Blair sounded disappointed, but he had no choice but to accept it.

"Maybe if you get the case wrapped up you'll be free to come to the doctor with us on Saturday?" he said hopefully.

Jim smiled, relaxing back into his chair. "Not looking forward to the doctor's visit, Chief?"

"Are you kidding? I don't know how I'm going to take it when they want to stick needles in Jamie."

"How is the piglet? Did you have a nice day?"

Blair outlined their big shopping morning and their afternoon at the park with all the 'other mothers'. Jim smiled at the descriptions of the cooing ladies, sure as he was of his love's fidelity. But as he rang off he was frowning, and he sat for long moments, lost in thought. Although he desperately missed Blair by his side at work, Jim realized the case was in the back of his mind. In the front was Blair and Jamie, walking through the park on this beautiful day, spending these first precious days together, shaking down to their new lives... Jim felt a pang. He realized he wanted to be there with them right now, a part of all that learning and sharing.

What part was he destined to play in Jamie's life? The same role his father had played in his? The distant figure, stern patriarch, occasional disciplinarian? But never really a part of the fabric of his family, at least the family they were up until his mother left. Jim frowned thoughtfully. So it was true, you didn't begin to understand your father until you became a father yourself. Was this how it had been for his dad, working all hours, absorbed in his business and leaving his family to his wife? And then when she was gone not having a clue how to connect with them himself?

It was one AM before Jim crept into the loft. He paused in the darkness, listening for and hearing his family's breathing. He peeked into the nursery, careful not to disturb the baby sleeping so earnestly on his back. Blair stirred as Jim trod carefully up the stairs, turning over onto his back and blinking sleepily.

"Everything okay, love?" he murmured through a yawn.

"Mmm." Jim sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over, pressing a kiss to his lover's parted lips, unable to resist a sleep flushed Blair.

Blair linked his hands at the nape of his lover's neck, enjoying the soft undemanding kiss. "What is it, sweetheart?" the younger man murmured, seeming to sense Jim's turmoil.

"Blair, do you ever get scared of this? This new responsibility we've taken on?"

"Scared?" Blair tilted his head back and looked up into his lover's eyes.

"Yeah," Jim laid his forehead against Blair's and closed his eyes. "I don't want to screw this up, you know?"

"I know. That is a pretty scary thought. Actually, speaking of scared, there is one thing about my day yesterday I didn't tell you. When you left the house for work, and I was all alone with Jamie, it all hit me. I was alone with Jamie. Really alone for the first time since that night in the alley. I almost had a panic attack right there in the kitchen!"

"Why didn't you?" Jim asked curiously.

"I don't know. I sat down at the kitchen table and I started thinking about all we had taken on. Terrible twos, kindergarten, grade school, high school. Just as I was starting to get overwhelmed I smelled something terrible and looked over at Jamie sitting on the floor with a red face and this look of intense concentration."

Jim chuckled. He knew the look in question, and its cause.

Blair laughed too. "And I thought: I'm sitting here worrying about the next twenty years, when I should be worrying about changing what looked to be a pretty stinky diaper."

Jim heeled off his shoes and lay down next to Blair on the bed. "So you're saying we should worry about one thing at the time?"

"I'm saying, yes, I get scared. But if I spend all my time worrying about the future, well, I wouldn't have time for anything else. One day at a time, just like when we were in the jungle."

"I worry about what kind of father I'm going to be," Jim admitted lowly. It was always so much easier to talk about these things in the dark, wrapped in his lovers arms.

"Me too."

"Really?" Jim twisted to look into Blair's eyes. "But it just seems to come naturally to you."

"Well from where I'm sitting it's all looked pretty natural to you too, Jim. At least the most important part has. All the details like clothing and feeding, they are just common sense. It's love that Jamie has needed and we both have that to give him, in spades. And really, isn't that the most important thing? Big houses and pools and two car garages are nice, but those aren't the things you cherish about your childhood, are they? It's the love you remember."

"Spoken by someone raised by his 'free love' mother," Jim teased tenderly.

"Well, I'm not saying word one against Naomi, but things are going to be a little different with our kid."

"Hmm, being a hippy flower baby not all it's cracked up to be?"

"Speaking with twenty years hindsight here, I never doubted I was loved fiercely, but I really could have done with some boundaries, you know?"

"While I had boundaries aplenty, but felt severely lacking in the love department, at least after Mom was gone."

"Guess we look for a happy medium, huh?" Blair said sleepily.

"You make it sound easy, Chief."

"That's a skill I have," Blair was drifting off to sleep as he spoke.

"Why do I get the feeling you are making this up as you go?"

"Worked with my Sentinel."

000

Jim was hard at it again the next day, and just after lunch he heard that he had again pulled stake-out duty that evening. Frowning at Simon's office door Jim picked up the phone to break the bad news to Blair, wondering if Simon was assigning him this lousy duty two days running on purpose.

The phone rang a couple of times and just as the machine picked up he heard the receiver snatched up. "Jim?"

In the background Jim could hear the baby wailing loudly. "Blair? What is it? What's wrong?"

"I don't know," Blair said, and Jim could hear the suppressed tears in his voice. "Jamie just won't stop crying, I've tried everything. I thought it might be a tooth coming through, but now I think he has a fever too."

Jim was standing, already reaching for his jacket on the back of his chair. "I'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"

"Okay," Blair said gratefully.

Jim hung up and was on his way out of the door when Simon stepped out of his office. "Jim? Where you headed?"

"Got to go home for a while, Simon. I won't be long." Jim didn't pause.

"Jim!" Simon cast a look around the room at his detectives, who instantly bent back over their desks. He followed Jim into the hall. "Jim, you aren't working on your own here, you are a part of a task force, you can't just go haring off when you feel like it."

"Something is wrong with Jamie," Jim said shortly as the lift doors opened. He stepped in and looked directly at his captain. "I have to go," he said as the doors closed on Simon's furious face.

000

He could hear the baby's wails from outside, and he hurried up the stairs without waiting for the lift. Blair was standing in the center of the floor, rocking a wailing red-faced Jamie, tears standing in his own eyes. Jim went straight to him and wrapped his arms around them. Blair leaned his face on Jim's shoulder. "Oh, Jim, I'm sorry to drag you away from work, but this has just scared me to death. Do you think we should take him to the emergency room?"

"Let me take a look at him." Jim lifted the crying child from Blair's arms and took him into the nursery, laying him on the bed. He wiped his finger on his shirt and then carefully inserted it into the baby's mouth, gently probing his gums, feeling his occasional sharp little tooth. "Ahh, there's the spot," Jim said. "It's hot and swollen, looks like he's cutting a big one back there."

"Is that all?" Blair looked relieved.

"Well, I don't think it's a minor thing to piglet here," Jim lifted him up and cradled him on his shoulder. "Must hurt like heck."

"Yeah, and he's letting everyone know it." Now that he wasn't alone Blair seemed much calmer, and Jim thought better of suggesting that he should zip back out himself and pick up something from the drug store for the problem. Maybe Blair needed to get out of the house for a while.

"Why don't you go to that drug store on the corner and talk to the pharmacist? See what he recommends?" Jim rocked Jamie, glad he could turn his hearing down. "I might try some ice cream, that helps me when I have a tooth ache."

Blair seemed to welcome the idea and he was gone in a minute and back in ten, bearing a brown paper bag. Jim was sitting at the kitchen table, coaxing frozen yogurt into the cranky baby's mouth. It was short term solution at best, but the tube of gel that Blair produced did the trick, and Jamie fell asleep with Blair's finger still in his mouth, the Bonjela resting on his gum.

"You should grab some rest too, Blair," Jim said, stroking the hair back from his lover's weary face.

"You have to go back to work?" Blair eased his finger gingerly from the baby's mouth, sighing in relief when he stayed asleep.

"Yeah, Simon wasn't too happy that I took off."

Blair looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry I dragged you out. I should have been able to handle this on my own."

Jim tilted his lover's face up, and gave him a quick kiss. "No, you shouldn't have to. I know you are taking on all the extra burdens here, Blair, I do know that. And things are going to change, I promise."

Blair studied his earnest face and then smiled tiredly. "Told you I'd change your life, man."

"Only for the better, lover," Jim promised, and stole another quick kiss before leaving.

000

Simon's door opened as soon as Jim stepped into the bullpen. "My office," he said shortly.

With a resigned sigh Jim followed him into the room.

"What the hell did you think you were doing, walking away from me?" Simon exploded as soon as the door closed.

Jim suppressed a wince at the roar but he was not about to back down. "I didn't think you were in the mood to listen to what I had to say and I didn't have time to argue with you," Jim said quietly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Simon glared at Jim.

"It means you have not been in a mind to cut me any slack over this situation so far, Simon, and that doesn't appear to have changed."

"You asking me for special treatment now, Ellison?" There was a sneer on Simon's face that Jim had only ever seen when he was around criminals he considered scum of the earth. Wondering how his friendship with his captain had gone wrong so quickly Jim attempted to stay calm.

"I'm not asking for anything you wouldn't do for anyone else with a new baby in the house, Captain, and if you think about it you will realize that if Blair an I were a straight couple I wouldn't have had to ask for that consideration."

"Are you accusing me of discrimination, Jim?" The captain's tone was deadly. "Are you daring to do that? Do you have any idea of the flak I have taken from above over your relationship with Sandburg? The pressure I have withstood to separate you here? Do you?"

"Yes, sir, I can imagine. And we have always appreciated your support. But I am not asking for anything special here, Simon, can't you see that? Blair and I are parents now, and we didn't have nine months to prepare for our new child like most other parents." Jim watched in despair as Simon's face closed up, as he leaned away from Jim and back into his chair, his whole body language one of repudiation at what Jim was saying. Nevertheless Jim persisted. "Blair and I are new at this, sir, and whether you approve of us adopting a baby or not that is what we have done."

"This has nothing to do with me approving your choices," Simon interjected harshly. "I have never judged you, Jim! I am not about to start now."

Jim stared at his captain, wondering if he seriously thought that was true. "I'm sorry, sir. But I don't believe you."

Simon drew in a harsh breath of surprise, staring at Jim as if in shock.

"I think whether you realize it or not you have strong negative feelings about our adopting Jamie."

Simon clenched his jaw, angrily but Jim went on before he could speak. "But that is just too bad, sir. I don't have to consult anyone before I settle down and start a family, and your approval or disapproval is not going to make any difference to our lives."

"You done?" Simon asked quietly as Jim fell silent. Jim nodded. "Fine, then I suggest you go back out there and do what the city is paying you for."

Jim resisted the urge to salute at the superior put-down in Simon's voice. He nodded again and turned for the door.

"Oh, by the way." Jim turned at the door. "Jamie is fine, in case you were going to ask." He watched as Simon registered the remark, then he opened the door and went back to work as ordered.

000

The case went down that night, at ten PM the tip-off paid off, when four armed home invaders burst in to a executive property in the Olympia Estates. Unfortunately for them instead of finding a young frightened family they found a half a dozen cops with big guns. After that it was over in minutes, without a shot being fired. Jim phoned Blair from his cell phone and told him it was all over bar the shouting, then he accompanied the prisoners back to the station to be booked. He was invited to the interrogation, but he turned it down and wrapped up his paperwork as quickly as possible. As Simon had reminded him he was part of a task force on this one, there were plenty of other cops hungry for glory who would appreciate the chance to shake some information out of the bad guys.

Driving home Jim reflected briefly on how much he had changed over the last few years. Once he would have been one of those hungry cops, looking to snatch the credit for a case away from the Feds and hand it to his department. Now all that it meant to him was a few more hours he would be away from his family, time that seemed very precious about now. The next day was Friday and Jim swore to himself he would work an eight hour day and spend his weekend with his loved ones, just like everybody else.

Blair was sitting up with a book on the lounge, stockinged feet curled up under him. Jim smiled at the sight he made in the lamp light.

"Baby asleep?" he murmured, grabbing a much needed beer from the fridge.

"Yeah, he's sleeping longer and longer now, thank goodness." Blair held out an arm and Jim sat down next to him, snuggling against him gratefully.

"He just needed to settle down." Jim closed his eyes and sighed, feeling himself relax for the first time in hours.

"Rough day?" Blair closed his book and began to massage Jim's temples gently. The big man sighed and curled closer to his lover.

"Baby, you have no idea. I must be getting old, but lately a working day without you just seems to drag by."

"Well, one more week and I will be back by your side, faithful side-kick that I am."

"I'm glad. It's made me think though, not just this separation because of Jamie, but the weeks you were away. We spend so much time working our brains out, it's like work time has replaced our leisure time. We don't even go away as much as we used to. If you had been on the stake out with me tonight we would probably still be at the station, sitting in on the interrogation, doing paperwork which really can wait."

"Usually after a case is wrapped up you are so pumped you can't settle down right away anyway," Blair observed.

"Well, that's another thing," Jim twisted to look at Blair. "I was pumped. So why wasn't I taking you home and fucking your brains out? Or getting mine fucked out by you?"

I used to think the same thing," Blair teased, skin flushing a little with what Jim knew to be the first stages of arousal. The big man knew how much it turned Blair on when he talked dirty.

"You did? Well, why didn't you say something?"

"I knew you were an obsessive workaholic when I married you."

"Oh, the missed opportunities," Jim mourned.

"It's not too late," Blair murmured, shifting just a little so that Jim could feel the stirring of sensitive genitals against his back.

"To fuck your brains out?" Jim asked innocently. "Or get mine fucked out?"

Blair sat Jim up and stood, making no attempt to hide the arousal now tenting his jeans. He grabbed Jim's hand and hauled him to his feet. "I will let you know," he said, dragging him over to the staircase. Grinning happily Jim let himself be dragged.

000

True to his word, Jim involved himself in busy work the next day. Simon was in and out but he didn't spare Jim a glance as he passed his desk. At eleven o'clock he called Rafe and Brown into his office and Jim listened in long enough to know they were being assigned a high profile case, the sort of thing he usually handled.

The two detectives avoided his eyes as they left Simon's office, but Jim found he didn't really care. All he could think of was that the case would probably keep them occupied all weekend. They were welcome to it.

Just before lunch Taggert showed up and invited him to lunch and Jim left the bullpen gratefully. When they were sitting with steaming bowls of Japanese noodles in front of them Taggert cleared his throat.

"I've been hearing some rumors, Jim. About you and Blair?"

"Already?" Jim shook his head. He had been hoping to keep it to himself a little longer, they had enough to deal with at the moment as it was.

"Are they true?" Taggert chewed enthusiastically on some noodles. "Did you and Blair actually adopt a baby?"

"Yeah, we did." Jim sighed, wondering what reaction he would get from the big captain. He didn't have long to wait.

"Congratulations!" Taggert boomed, dropping his fork and reaching for Jim's hand, pumping it enthusiastically.

Jim felt dazed for a moment and then felt a smile breaking out on his face. "Thanks, Joel," he said quietly, not even realizing until that moment how much such a reaction would have meant coming from Simon.

"Jim Ellison a father," Taggert continued, picking up his fork again and swirling some noodles onto the tines. "Well, well, wait 'til I tell Angie, she made me promise to get the truth out of you today when I told her the gossip last night."

"Joel," Jim said carefully. "What's the gossip like? Is it as bad as last year, when people began talking about me and Blair?"

Joel looked a little uncomfortable for a moment. "Well, Jim, I guess there is a bit of nastiness in the talk. Same as last year. But your real friends will be glad for the two of you, and those others? Who cares what they think anyway?"

Jim smiled sadly, stirring the noodles around slowly with his chop sticks. "Yeah, who cares?"

"I mean, Angela and I still get the whispers and trash talk behind our backs, and I know the girls get some at school. It breaks my heart sometimes, but they are learning to deal with it, which is just as well, because the world being what it is they are going to be dealing with it for the rest of their lives."

"Did you..." Jim trailed off. "Never mind, it's not my business."

Joel leaned aver and swatted Jim's shoulder playfully. "Man, this is me. There's nothing you can't ask. 'Sides, I think I know what the question is."

Emboldened by his friend's calm attitude Jim ventured to ask a question that had been on his mind a long time now, but which had special relevance to him now.

"Did you and Angela ever question whether you should have children? I mean, knowing the kind of racism they were going to have to face with a black father and a white mother?"

Joel smiled and shook his head. "Of course we agonized over it, Jim. Just like every parent agonizes over everything that might hurt their children. But how could we deny our unborn children life because of other people's hatred? That's just the way it is, there are always going to be racists and homophobes out there, but if you let them get in the way of your life then you are letting them win."

"Doesn't make life any easier though, does it, big guy?" Jim shook his head ruefully. Joel's answer was everything he thought it would be, and yet hearing it spoken so confidently by his friend warmed Jim. And Joel was his friend, his and Blair's.

"Yeah, as if it weren't tough enough," Joel agreed. "Tell you what. The Ellison-Sandburg family and the Taggert family should set up next to each other at the picnic on Sunday. Show a united front to the world."

"Picnic?" Jim frowned in puzzlement.

"Yeah, don't tell me you've forgotten? I know you've had stuff on your mind but the posters are stuck all over the station."

"Oh yeah." Light dawned and Jim recalled the annual picnic the station held in the lakeside park.

"Yeah. And you and Blair have to be there, you are playing in the basketball game between us and the Eighteenth precinct. We need you, buddy."

Jim considered their weekend schedule. "I'll talk to Blair. He must have forgotten too."

"Yeah, well remind him he promised to make those Carob Squares of his. I have been hanging out for them for weeks."

Jim smiled at the hungry look on his dieting friends face. "I will."

000

Saturday morning was damp and cool and Jim wondered if the picnic was even going to be held the next day. The doctor's appointment was at eleven, so they decided on a nice leisurely morning in. The day before Jim had initiated what he hoped would become their morning routine from now on. He rose first, as always, and got the baby up, changing him and preparing his breakfast. By the time Blair wandered downstairs the baby was ready to eat his cereal and their own breakfast was ready to go. Blair then took over, letting Jim get showered and shaved, then dressed for work. By the time Jim took back over from Blair so he could get ready for the day the baby was fed and enjoying a bottle full of juice in his stroller. Altogether it was a good system.

Of course, it wouldn't always work as well as it had the first two days, but overall it made the morning routine a lot less frantic, and would make a big difference once Blair was back at work too. For once the anthropologist didn't tease the cop for his organization of his household.

"Babies need routine," he called out from the bathroom as he shaved, Saturday morning. The design of the loft being what it was they could be as private or as social as they wanted, and even though they were splitting up to carry out the morning routine they still called back and forward to each other from the bathroom or the second level bedroom.

"Something else you were lacking as a kid, Chief?" Jim finished frying the bacon and turned the burner off, lifting the pan to a cool one and setting the rashers to drain.

Blair came out of the bathroom, patting his face dry with a towel that he flung carelessly in the direction of the nursery hamper as he passed the room. Jim ignored it, it was Blair's turn to wash so he would be the one bending over to pick it up.

"I never knew where we were going to be from one day to the next, Jim. It could be great fun, but it could also suck big time when my favorite possessions got left behind." He looked over at Jamie, who chewed contentedly at the bottle teat, Ten-cent bear under one arm. Jim followed his gaze with a smile. The baby had a few other toys now, including some presents from Blair's university friends who had met him when Blair took him in to meet the people who would be taking care of him at the Child Minding Center. But although they got their fair share of attention it was the tiny battered bear Jamie reached for when it was time to lay down with his bottle.

"So, Jim, are we going to this picnic tomorrow? Providing the weather calms down?"

Jim shrugged. "If you like."

"Well, what do you like?" Blair said patiently.

"I can think of better ways to spend my Sunday than being ogled by a bunch of cops. But I did promise to play in the game."

"Then we'll go," Blair decided. "And if it sucks too badly we will leave after the game. We better shop this afternoon, if I'm going to make Taggert's treat."

000

Jim switched the TV on and settled down on the lounge chair, Jamie on his lap. The baby was mesmerized by the bright colorful movements on the screen. Blair looked over from the kitchen table where he was setting up his laptop. "What are you doing?"

"What I always do on a Saturday when I'm not working," Jim answered absently, his attention on the screen. "Watching the cartoons."

Blair stood up and strode over. "With Jamie?"

Jim sighed. "Yes, Chief, with Jamie. He likes them."

"I do not want my son growing up desensitized by the violent, nihilistic rubbish that passes for children's programming these days," Blair announced.

"Nihilistic?" Jim repeated in disbelief. "It's The Tick! It's funny!"

At that moment on the screen a big blue figure leapt of a building shouting: "Spoon!"

Jamie clapped his hands. "Spoon!" he shouted.

Jim clapped his hands gently in front of the baby's face. "Yeah, Jamie, spoon! What a cool kid."

Giving up, Blair sank down on the quilt on the floor, legs crossed.

"Okay, but I want to watch it myself before agreeing to this. The television set is not going to be my child's babysitter, and I want to know what he is being exposed to on the screen."

"Lighten up, Chief," Jim said, trying to look wise. "Jamie has to grow up with the same sub-culture as his friends or he will feel like an outsider."

Blair angled a look over his shoulder. "I know when you are making fun of me, Jim," he said sweetly. "And I know how to get revenge too." With an innocent look he ran tickling fingers around Jim's ankle and down to the soles of his sock clad feet.

"Hey!" Jim squirmed away from the tormenting fingers, trying not to giggle. "I am holding the baby here!"

"I can solve that." Blair lifted the baby and plonked him down, then tugged Jim onto the floor with them. The big man rolled and let Blair wiggle on top of him, holding him down. "Come on, Jamie, let's get daddy!"

Blair tickled sensitive ribs and Jim squirmed, while Jamie crawled up next to them and pulled himself up so he was standing, leaning on Jim's broad chest. "Help me, son," Jim wheezed. Jamie patted the shirt under his hands.

"He's trying to tickle you too," Blair laughed, and Jim took the opportunity to roll him off him and snatch up the baby.

"Got to do my work-out," Jim panted, lifting the baby up in the air and lowering him, puffing like he was lifting weights.

"I'll spot you," Blair leaned on Jim and watched with a smile as the big man lifted the now laughing boy up with one hand and then the other.

"Silly daddy," Blair said to Jamie.

"Phew," Feigning exhaustion Jim bought the baby back down on his chest, sitting him propped up like he was riding a horse. Jamie jerked and wriggled, kicking his heels and trying to lift himself back up into the air.

"You've started something now," Blair laughed. "Forget the weights, you'll be getting all your work-out here."

000

The weather was clearing by the time they drove to the doctor's office in Jim's truck, Jamie in the rear facing baby capsule between them.

"How is it going to look, me chasing bad guys around Cascade with a baby seat in my truck?" Jim pretended to grumble, hoping to distract his lover. Blair was getting more nervous as they approached the medical center.

"Jim," he said suddenly. "What if they find out he's sick? What if something's wrong with him?"

"He's healthy as a horse, Chief," Jim pointed out.

Blair looked at the baby, dressed in a pair of corduroy dungarees, little hiking boots on his feet. He was holding Ten-cent bear by the hands and lifting him up and down, imitating the dance Blair had invented for the bear just minutes before.

"Yeah, I guess so." He didn't sound convinced.

"You'll see, Blair," Jim said reassuringly. "He will be fine."

000

The doctor was running on time and the examination was fast but thorough. Blair held Jamie on his lap while the doctor extracted some blood, and as the baby was already yelling lustily the doctor went ahead and inoculated him too. Blair cuddled him while the nurse took the blood sample away to label it.

"Well," Doctor Bates said cheerfully, taking a seat behind her desk. "I think I can safely say you have a remarkably healthy baby there, considering. Of course we will have to await the results of the blood tests, but so far he checks out just fine. I will recommend some vitamin supplements." She wrote something down on a note and handed it to Jim.

"Now, is there any advice I can give you? I know it's difficult for new parents, and especially so for adopted ones." Blair launched into a set of questions and Jim sat back and listened to the answers, watching the doctors face, wondering what she really thought of two gay men adopting a baby. He sighed inwardly, he was becoming paranoid.

"Hmm, I can see you do have a lot of questions," the doctor laughed. She grabbed another piece of paper. "I can recommend this book, it is a helpful practical guide, and I know the pharmacy downstairs stocks some copies."

Jim took the paper. "Mothers and Babies," he read out.

"I'm sure you will find it invaluable." She looked at Jamie who had calmed down but was still clinging to Blair for comfort, his head on the young man's shoulder. "You will be fine," she said confidently. "Jamie is a lucky little baby."

000

They spent the afternoon shopping, buying more clothes for Jamie, who got increasingly more cranky as the day wore on.

"He's probably still sore," Blair observed, flipping through the book the doctor had recommended as they drove home.

"That was a mother-big shot all right," Jim agreed. Blair nipped into the grocery store and bought the fixings for his special Carob Squares, much beloved by the entire Major Crime division. After a late lunch he spent the rest of the afternoon making a huge pan full. Jamie, in a better mood after a nap, sat on Jim's lap and helped him clean out the metal bowl Blair had melted the chocolate in. Blair laughed out loud at their happy chocolaty faces.

They had a cozy home cooked meal that night, and then sat by the fire talking softly, Jamie drifting off to sleep in the crook of Jim's arm. Soaked in contentment, Jim leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to Blair's lips. This was happiness.

000

The next morning as they rushed to get ready for the picnic Jim was not so smug. Jamie's poor little arm was swollen and he was still as cranky as hell over it. Blair fretted over him until Jim was about to shriek, and to top it all off he burnt the waffles, his favorite Sunday morning breakfast. It was not shaping up to be a good day. Blair must have seen Jim's frustration, he stopped fussing over Jamie, and dressed him as quickly as possible. He then announced he was treating them to waffles for breakfast, at the local diner. Jamie was soothed by blueberry pancakes and Jim devoured two waffles in record time.

"Sorry if I was cranky too," he apologized. Blair quirked a smile at him.

"Things will not always go right," he pointed out. "But when they do it makes all the rest worth it, right?"

"In theory," Jim agreed skeptically, then smiled to show he was kidding.

The weather was fine and blowy, although the gathering of clouds on the horizon suggested some late rain. For a change. The park where the picnic was being held was half full by the time the guys arrived, and Jim's Sentinel vision spotted Taggert and his family in a prime spot near the lake. Loaded down with bags and blankets they made their way towards them. Jim could feel the eyes on them as they went, and he deliberately toned down his hearing to normal. He didn't want any snide comments spoiling his day.

"Jim!" Taggert's wife, Angela, spotted them first, greeting them cheerfully. She was a plump woman in her early thirties, reddish fair hair tied back in a pony tail. Their twin girls were next to her on the blanket and they sprang up when they saw Blair was pushing a stroller. "Look, mom! A baby!" They rushed forward and bent over the stroller, cooing down at Jamie.

"Hey, girls," Blair greeted them, crouching down beside the push chair. "This is Jamie. Jamie, this is Kerri and Dana."

The six year olds stroked Jamie's brown wavy hair and touched his pudgy little fingers. "Look, mom, he's almost the same color as us!" Dana said, just at the age when such things fascinated her. She held her hand next to Jamie and her twin followed suit. Jamie's dusky skin was only a little paler than their own beautiful light coffee skin. "He's pretty."

"Let Blair and Jim sit down," Joel exclaimed and the girls reluctantly stepped aside, one on each side of the stroller. Jim unfurled their blanket and sat down on it. Blair knelt and began to unpack some of their goodies.

Hey, guys," Taggert eyed the foil covered pan. "Is that the Carob Squares?" He reached for the pan but his wife tapped him smartly on the wrist before he could touch it.

"You can wait for lunch," she lectured sweetly. "And it's one piece only."

"They are low fat," Blair assured her.

"Well, maybe two then," Angela relented, eyes twinkling.

"Can we hold the baby, Blair?" Dana piped up. Her quieter twin nodded agreement.

"Well, he might be a bit heavy for you to carry," Blair said. "But if you sit down you can hold him on your lap."

The two girls immediately sat down, legs crossed. Blair lifted Jamie into Dana's lap where he sat quietly, gazing around at all the strangers.

The kids played with Jamie, keeping him occupied and occasionally shrieking with laughter as he attempted to repeat their baby talk back to them. Blair relaxed on the blanket next to Jim and looked around, catching a lot of glimpses and sideways looks from the people around them.

"Looks like we're the center of attention," Blair observed quietly.

"A lot of it is pure curiosity," Angela said, keeping a sharp eye on her children.

Rafe and his wife came over and visited for a while, and then later H came and sat on the blanket, ruffling Jamie's hair. They seemed fine with the situation, and Jim found himself relaxing.

The teams were gathering for the basketball game, and Blair and the Taggerts sat on the sidelines to cheer their team on. Jamie was back in his stroller and the twins flanked him, striking a possessive attitude when any of the other kids at the picnic came up to see him. Jim stood with the rest of his team, pushing up the sleeves of his sweatshirt as Simon, who was captain of the team, handed out last minute advice. Just for a moment Jim caught his eye, but the captain's face was unreadable. Then the game was starting and Jim concentrated on just trying to keep up.

Their team won by just a few points and as agreed the money each side bet on was donated to the winners favorite charity. Sweaty and panting Jim relaxed on the blanket while Blair laid out the picnic lunch.

"Chief, I am too old for this," Jim said, accepting a plate of chicken and salad.

"You say that every year," Blair said, unimpressed.

"And every year it gets truer and truer."

Angela laughed. "Wait 'til that one is ready to learn the game," she joked, nodding at Jamie who sat contentedly munching on a banana. "That'll take it out of you."

"You're telling me," Taggert picked gloomily at his skinless chicken and salad. "Why do you think I went on a diet? Self defense. I couldn't keep up with those two all day."

They chatted through lunch, and then sat around for a while, discussing the pitfalls of raising children. Some other couples gathered around and soon there was a big crowd around them, all with stories to trade.

Jim looked over to the court where the single men were gathered drinking beer. Not so long ago he would have been with them, talking about sports and trading bull. Simon was there, sitting on a bench, long legs spread, leaning forward on his elbows. He didn't seem to be joining in the enthusiastic conversation around him. Suddenly he looked up and met Jim's glance across the wide expanse of grass between them. Jim looked away, not wanting anything to spoil his mellow mood.

The day melted away and eventually people started drifting off. Finally Joel declared it was time to get his family home, and he and Angela managed to pack up their gear and drag their protesting children away.

Jamie was asleep on his back, worn out from all the attention bestowed upon him by the twins. His face was flushed with sleep, his hands over his head in a pose of utter abandonment.

A shadow fell over his face and Jim looked up to see Simon standing over them, gazing down into the sleeping child's face. Jim glanced over at Blair and then back up at his captain.

"Hi, Simon," Blair said politely. "Sit down."

"Hi, Blair, Jim." Simon looked uncomfortable. "Uh, cute kid."

"Thanks," Blair said. He looked from Jim to Simon and then stood up. "Time for me to visit the little anthropologist's room," he joked. "Be right back."

Simon and Blair watched him go. "The famous Sandburg bladder," Simon joked.

Jim sighed. "You may as well sit down, Simon, since Blair has gone to the time and trouble to leave us alone."

Simon folded his long legs under him and sat. "Yeah. I just wanted to say, uh... You were right, Jim. I didn't want to admit it but you were right."

Jim felt some of the stiffness in his spine melt at the misery in his friend's voice.

"It's not an easy thing for a man to find out, Jim. That he... hell, that he's as much of a bigot as the trash he's despised all his life."

"No, Simon," Jim protested.

"Yes, Jim. I don't know, why, even now I don't know why, but when you told me you'd adopted a child... I just lost it. The truth is even last year when you and Sandburg got together I wasn't as easy with it as I made out. It made me uncomfortable, but I just figured it would die a natural death and things would get back on track. I suppose when you told me you had adopted a baby, made a family for yourselves, I suppose I realized then that it wasn't going to go away any time soon."

"Did you really expect us to break up?" Jim asked seriously.

Simon shrugged. "I tried not to think about it. Guess I was scared what that might reveal about me if I examined my feelings about it too closely. Well, the truth is out now, isn't it?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Simon," Jim said soberly. "Old, ingrained prejudices are the hardest to fight. But at least you know it's not what you want to feel, that's a step in the right direction."

"Thanks, Jim," Simon said sincerely. "I'm not sure I would be as forgiving in your shoes."

"It's not a matter of forgiving so much as understanding. I've been a hard nosed sonuva bitch in my day too."

"But you've changed," Simon said softly. "In the years I've known you, in the years since you met Blair, you have really changed."

"I'm still changing," Jim laughed. "Look at me, Simon, armed with diaper bags and a stroller. I have a baby seat in my truck, for god's sake!"

They shared a laugh.

"This I have got to see," Simon smiled, and then sobered. "I've been a creep the last few days, Jim. I even gave away a case that should have gone to you."

"I know," Jim admitted, then smiled at the surprised look on Simon's face. "Sentinel hearing, remember?"

"Hmm, don't know that I like the idea of you listening in on my office conversations," Simon frowned a little.

"Whatever it takes to survive, sir," Jim shrugged. "In this world people don't always play by the rules, so sometimes we have to break them to keep up. I think the trick is knowing when and where to break them. You can trust me not to abuse the trick, Simon."

Simon studied his friend for long moments. "I do trust you, Jim," he said sincerely. "And I want you to know you can trust me too. I'll try not to bend the rules on you again, okay?" He held out a hand.

Jim reached out and shook it, smiling widely. "Okay," he said.

Blair appeared. "All's right with the world?" he ventured.

"Yeah, Sandburg, everything's fine." Simon stood up, dusting off the knees of his sweat-pants. "You guys look like you could use some help getting this stuff to the truck."

"All help welcomed, Simon," Blair agreed. "Thanks."

"No problem," Simon reached down and helped Jim up and they clasped hands for just a few moments more, and then turned to gather up their belongings.

The End.

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