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B.J Sandburg Part Thirty-Three.
Jim lay back down on the bed next to Blair, arms crossed beneath his head. Next to him the young man curled up on his side, hands pressed together under his face. Half an hour earlier Jim could barely keep his eyes open, now he found himself wide awake. The babies dozed peacefully in their capsules, one on either side of the bed.
Jim turned on his side. "All right, Chief?" he murmured.
"Just thinking," Blair said softly. "This is the first time we've shared a bed like this since I changed."
"I know," Jim said softly.
"I was wondering why you didn't..." Blair wrinkled his nose. "I guess you were tired."
Jim studied his partner in surprise. "You were wondering why I didn't what? Kiss you?"
Blair blushed. "You just laid down and went to sleep," he blurted out, and then bit his tongue.
Jim shook his head in bemusement. Blair was right. Their first time actually sharing a bed since the change and Blair's surgery, and he'd been so tired he'd just laid down and gone to sleep. "I'm sorry, Chief," he laughed quietly.
"It's not funny," Blair said huffily, sitting up on one elbow. "You think it's funny that I want you to kiss me?"
Jim reached up and slid a hand beneath Blair's hair, cupping his cheek lovingly. "No, Blair," he whispered. "I don't think it's funny. I want to kiss you too." He stroked Blair's smooth cheek, realising the younger man had shaved before bed. "I've climbed into bed with you so many times, I kinda forgot this was such a momentous occasion."
Blair blinked across at him. "You forgot?" he breathed.
"Well, I was tired," Jim began to defend, but he was cut off by Blair's arms strangling him around the neck in a hug. "Urgle!" Jim patted Blair's back awkwardly. "Chief?"
"You forgot," Blair repeated, pulling back and grinning at Jim so widely all his teeth showed.
"Are you sure you're not mood swinging again?" Jim asked suspiciously. "You've gone from pensive to pissed to pleased in three easy steps."
"You forgot the difference," Blair said slowly, as if talking to a dullard. "You just climbed into bed with me."
Jim smiled as he realised what Blair was talking about. "Yeah, I guess I did." He tugged gently and Blair lowered himself so that their chests were pressed together. "You know, Chief, you don't have to wait for me to make the first move. You sure didn't when you were a woman."
Blair tilted his head in consideration. "I didn't, did I?"
Jim threaded his fingers through brown curls. "Nope," he whispered.
Blair gazed down at him in the dim light, eyes mysterious. "I love you, Jim," he whispered. Then he lowered his head and their lips were touching.
And Jim found himself being thoroughly kissed, only realising as Blair's strong hands cupped his cheeks that being kissed by Blair the man was a totally different experience from being kissed by Blair the woman. For one moment he stiffened, his senses automatically cataloguing all the differences and telling him to reject this choice.
Then Blair's scent overwhelmed him, reaching his instincts and calming him down. He forced himself to lay back and accept the kisses, hands curling around the broad chest against his own. Lips as sweet as honey caressed his, wetly rasping tongue stroking him lovingly.
Blair pulled back a little and blinked down at him languidly. "Jim?"
His lips were red, and Jim cupped his face again in wonderment, stroking a thumb over the swollen fullness.
Blair smiled and lowered his lips again, and this time Jim closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss, focusing now on the differences and beginning to enjoy them. Blair's strong wide jaw worked gently against his own, and Jim laid his fingers along it, feeling every movement. His wide chest pressed down against him, and for the first time in his life Jim felt a man's strength holding him down, pressing him into the mattress.
For a moment he was overwhelmed and he pushed gently at Blair's shoulder, feeling the younger man roll to his side. Pressing his fingers to his own swollen lips Jim took deep breaths.
"I'm sorry," he panted. "I just..." he trailed away, not sure how to put it into words.
"It's okay," Blair said gently. He touched Jim's hand and met his surprised eyes with understanding. "I felt the same way when you kissed me for the first time."
Jim stared into his eyes. "Which first time?" he whispered.
Blair blinked and then smiled. "Both, I guess."
Jim thought about it, really thought about it for the first time. Obviously he'd been way too over-confident in his belief that things wouldn't really change too much between them in bed. In his mind he'd just exchanged a female body for a male in his bed, but kept all the love and good feelings. So, he'd reasoned, why shouldn't it all work out the same?
Because this was a man in bed with him now, a man who was quite capable of taking the lead in this relationship in a way the woman had been unable to do.
Did Blair want to...? He broke off that thought, before panic could overwhelm him.
Blair dropped a string of kisses along his jaw line and Jim tried to relax and go with the moment.
"This was a great idea of yours," Blair murmured between kisses.
"It was my idea, wasn't it?" Jim choked out, remembering how he'd so blithely urged Blair to take the lead just minutes before.
"I know you're nervous, Jim," Blair whispered.
"I guess I am," Jim confirmed haltingly.
Blair reached his neck and laid a kiss there, then began suckling gently.
"I don't think I really thought this through," Jim admitted.
Blair pulled back with a loving lick, and then moved lower down, tracing firm collarbones and then finding a nipple.
"Not that it doesn't feel good," Jim squeaked, chest rising and falling as Blair's hands stroked his sides.
"I'm glad," Blair hummed against his skin. "I want to make you feel good. I like making you feel good." He lifted his head and gazed up at Jim in the dim light, eyes softly glowing with love. "Making you feel good makes me feel good," he admitted.
A little more of Jim's tension drained away. "Yeah," he agreed, knowing that feeling well. He decided to tell Blair a little of what was bothering him. "You are making me feel good, Chief," he said lowly. "I just don't know if I can... If I want..." He shook his head in frustration.
"You don't want me to touch you?" Blair whispered, hand stroking confidently up his flank and then wrapping around Jim's half-hard cock firmly.
Jim arched into the touch. "I never said that," he groaned. He rocked a little, instinctively seeking that caress, feeling his body firming further.
"Then you must mean you don't want me to fuck you," Blair said frankly, still gazing into Jim's eyes as he jerked his cock skillfully.
Jim was torn between hot embarrassment and gut-wrenching desire as he met Blair's eyes squarely, still arching into that talented hand.
As usual Blair read him correctly and smirked a little. "You can be such a prude at times," he said fondly. He absently lifted his hand from Jim, causing him to buck wildly. Blair calmly extended his tongue and licked at the silvery dampness on his fingers.
Jim made his choice in an instant, reaching up and cupping the nape of Blair's neck with loving firmness. "I'm no prude," he insisted. "Suck me, Chief, please."
Blair gazed at him for one more long moment, then licked slyly at the corner of his lip. He nodded. "I can do that," he confirmed. Then he lowered his head.
Jim forgot about gender and dominance and everything else in the universe. All he could think about was that talented mouth that knew his pleasure so well, playing him like an instrument. It had him begging, and pleading, and finally crying out in completion while it suckled gently, hand still milking him as the last of his spasms died away.
"I still got it," Blair said smugly, licking at the corner of his mouth.
Jim panted, looking up at his lover through slitted eyes. Blair's lips were swollen, his eyes bright with triumph, his cheekbones flagged with red.
"You sure have," he agreed windedly.
Blair crossed his arms and rested them on Jim's chest, propping his head on his hands. "I wasn't exactly sure I could do it as a man, but like I said before, my body sure remembers."
"It sure does," Jim agreed again, trying to piece together all the missing bits of his brain that Blair had somehow blown all over the room.
"Now the question is," Blair continued thoughtfully. "What your body remembers about me?"
Jim became aware of a heated hardness against his thigh. His eyes widened. "Certainly not that," he admitted hoarsely.
Blair chuckled and bumped him teasingly with his cock. "Blair standard issue," he bragged. "No avoiding it."
Jim turned a little on to one side as his breathing returned to normal, and then forced himself to look down. His eyes widened even further. "Oh my," he said, then shut his mouth with a snap.
"Oh my?" Blair repeated. He began to chuckle, and then laugh, hand over his mouth as he tried to smother his amusement.
"Careful, you'll wake the babies," Jim said sourly, feeling the heat of embarrassment colour his cheeks.
"If your moaning and panting didn't wake them, nothing will," Blair snickered. He shook his head, straightening his face. "I'm sorry," he said firmly. "I shouldn't laugh."
"No you shouldn't," Jim agreed repressively. "It's not helpful. This is serious!"
"I know," Blair agreed. "I've been right were you are now, remember? How long were we lovers before we tried penetration?"
Jim blinked. "Months," he recalled.
"Now we're back to square one on the penetration issue," Blair lectured. "This time neither of us is keen on the idea."
Jim looked at him in surprise. "You too, Chief?"
"Well, I venture it's less frightening for me," Blair considered. "I've been on the bottom before. But you haven't, have you, Jim?"
Jim lowered his eyes before the shrewd gaze. "You know I haven't."
"Then we'll use your solution," Blair posed. "We just won't do it."
Jim slanted him a glance.
"Well, why not?" Blair continued. "You and I were lovers long before you penetrated me. We can be lovers now without it, until we get used to each other again."
"And who does who?" Jim ventured cautiously.
Blair raised one brow. "We're equals, aren't we, Jim?"
Jim turned his mouth down. "I guess," he allowed reluctantly.
Blair chuckled again and Jim frowned, not unaware of the irony of all this. He'd been the one to sooth Blair's feminine nerves all those months ago, now Blair was the one with more experience of both sexes than he would ever have. He was finding he didn't much appreciate the shift in status.
"You're way too cheerful about all this," Jim observed sourly.
"Especially for someone yet to get off," Blair said meaningfully, nudging Jim in the hip again with his half hardness.
Jim gulped and looked down again.
Blair rolled over onto his back. "You know, Jim," he said softly. "If you can't get used to my body, learn to desire it, then we might as well forget this now."
"All right, all right!" Jim protested. "No pressure! This is all pretty new to me, you know."
Blair huffed a rueful laugh. "I know," he agreed softly. He stroked his own hand down over his breast, resting it on his rib cage. "Can you want me?" he whispered shyly.
Jim looked into his eyes, centering himself on the love and fear there. Then he lowered his gaze, taking in the body he'd gazed upon so many times before, and yet seemed to only now be truly seeing.
Over the last weeks he'd often studied Blair. While he was sleeping, nursing the babies, reading, talking. Jim had relearned the contours of his partner's face, acknowledged the same keen intelligence and the love in the eyes that gazed back at him.
Blair was beautiful, he'd always absently acknowledged the compact beauty of his male body.
Now he looked at him with the eyes of a lover. The pale olive skin of his shoulders, the firm contours of his breast, the nipples darkened by pregnancy, firm nubs on his chest. His belly, not quite flat yet, the slope of his pelvis and hips, the sturdy thighs and legs. And there, nestled in the juncture of his thighs, his penis, hard proof that B.J was indeed gone forever.
Jim took a deep breath as he studied Blair's cock. He couldn't count how many he'd seen in life, from the odd glance at the urinal, to the teenager's casual locker room nudity, and the inevitable close confines of army barracks.
But never had he been confronted by so frank a need, so obvious an arousal. Blair's humour was gone, replaced by nervous fear as Jim stared on and on.
"I know how you loved my body as a woman," he blurted out.
Jim blinked and looked up at him.
Blair's hands covered his flat paps. "My breasts especially. I used to love that look on your face when you saw me. That... hunger." Blair's eyes grew sad. "I loved being beautiful for you," he finished softly.
Jim stirred out of his trance-like state. "You are beautiful," he defended.
Blair looked at him in disbelief, and Jim frowned and pushed himself up on one elbow, leaning over him where he lay flat on his back. "You are," he insisted. "Inside and out."
"But..." Blair began miserably.
"Give me a chance, Chief," Jim said lowly. He gazed into those blue eyes, watching the emotions battling behind their surface. Pink lips quivered as Blair opened his mouth to finish, but Jim never did find out what he intended to say. He leaned over and took Blair's lips.
It wasn't the first time he'd kissed Blair the man. He'd explored Blair's mouth, just as his young lover had his, minutes before. Their lips at least knew one another, and Jim took advantage of this acquaintance, making love to Blair with his tongue. He lifted his hands and cupped Blair's broad shoulders, stroking the soft skin there, lowering his own chest until the two broad surfaces met.
Dominant again, Jim could relax, following his natural instincts as he stroked and caressed Blair's face and shoulders, tracing a line of kisses down his neck.
His hand reached up and cupped Blair's breast, deliberately sliding through the light hair there, finding the sensitive nipple and flicking it gently with his thumb.
"Are you still sore?" he whispered against the skin of Blair's neck.
"Tender," Blair whispered back, shivering under his hands. "Jim?"
"One step at a time, Chief," Jim returned, as much to himself as to Blair. He hadn't been able to pounce on Blair's maleness cold turkey. But like this, exploring his body, hearing his familiar voice and heartbeat under his hands, reassuring himself that this was no strange man under his hands, but Blair. Blair. This he could do, occasionally faltering, but persevering, for Blair's sake, as well as his own.
Blair's nipple was sweet as honey between his lips, and he licked the swollen nub then suckled gently, smiling against the firm skin as he felt Blair arch a little and mumble encouragement under his breath.
His stroking fingers found the crease below Blair's belly, and he gently explored the red incision that marked the place where their children had been born. He had a special kiss for this rosy line.
Jim enjoyed the clean masculine scent of desire Blair exuded, the sweet flavour of his skin, the firm muscled young body writhing against his own. But his mind was too focused on Blair to gain much real pleasure himself. He worked for Blair's pleasure, finally reaching his swollen cock and taking it confidently in his hand.
"Jim," Blair panted, hands reaching up and gripping his forearms. "Not unless you want to," he said hoarsely, staring at Jim through a tangle of curls. "Please."
Jim stroked the firm hardness up and down, feeling the pulse of life beneath his fingers, breathing in the new/familiar scent of male excitement. "I want to make you feel good," he said slowly, Blair's earlier words coming back to him clearly. "I like making you feel good."
Blair's eyes cleared a little and he gazed at him in pleased surprise. "Jim," he whispered.
"Making you feel good makes me feel good," Jim admitted finally. He licked his lips, love and confidence pouring through his body. Under Blair's wide-eyed gaze he lowered his head.
Afterwards he was pretty sure it had been a lousy blow-job. Blair had stiffened once or twice under his hands, and he'd discovered it was a lot harder than he'd realised to keep his teeth clear of the sensitive glans. But he'd done it all the same, stroking with his hand and suckling gently with his mouth, just as he himself enjoyed. Even finding Blair's firm balls and caressing them as hard as he dared, wringing a cry from a throat already hoarse from pleasured moans.
Now Jim studied Blair's limp form fondly, licking at the sticky saltiness on his lips. Lousy or not, Blair had come like a freight train, arching his back and gushing forth what seemed like endless streams of cum against Jim's face, and his chest and the covers.
Blair opened his eyes to slits. "Okay," he said weakly. "That was a pretty good try."
"Good?" Jims repeated, outraged. "That was pretty damned incredible for a first time!"
Blair nodded feebly. "I guess," he allowed.
"You guess?" Jim said in disbelief. "Okay, I know it wasn't perfect, but look at you! You enjoyed that," he accused. "Admit it."
Blair raised one brow, surveying Jim for long moments until the older man almost began to squirm. Then Blair's lips relaxed into a smile, and he began to chuckle.
Jim's held breath burst out of him in a sputter. "You rat," he breathed.
Blair laughed joyfully, rolling away as Jim's fingers automatically curved into tickling talons. "No, no," he gasped. "Remember I'm still recuperating!"
Jim settled for some gentle tickling strokes under Blair's sensitive rib cage. "You scared me," he accused. Blair, still chuckling, reached up and locked his arms around Jim's neck.
"I love you," he said frankly. "I love that you tried so hard for me."
Jim blushed a little. "It wasn't so bad," he said. Blair raised a brow and Jim grinned. "I didn't mean it like that," he laughed. "You know what I meant."
"Think you could learn to enjoy it?" Blair asked shyly.
Jim tilted his head thoughtfully. "I did enjoy most of it at the time," he confided. He laid a kiss on Blair's cheek. "You're not hard to make love to, Chief," he whispered.
Blair smiled, eyes shining.
"It's still feels a bit strange," Jim admitted truthfully, feeling the rasp of Blair's springy chest hair against his nipples.
"For me too," Blair nodded. He drew Jim down and the bigger man obediently allowed his head to be pulled to rest on Blair's shoulder. "You know what?" he whispered.
"Mmm?" Jim hummed curiously, feeling his lids finally beginning to droop.
Blair leaned in a little until his lips were on Jim's ear, and the big man shivered. "It's nearly feeding time again," Blair whispered.
Jim groaned.
End of Part Thirty-Three.
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