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B.J Sandburg Part Twenty-Seven.
"Come on, you want to see the twins, don't you?" Jim coaxed.
"No, Jim, I just went through major abdominal surgery to eject them, why on earth would I want to see them now?" Blair retorted sarcastically. "Of course I want to see them, I just don't want to have to stand up to do it."
"Walking is the best exercise," Jim insisted. "Just a short walk, and then I'll wheel you the rest of the way. And Paul said we can hold them," he wheedled.
Blair's arms instantly started to ache. All he wanted to do was see them, and hold them, especially the one he hadn't even touched yet. What if she bonded with one or the nurses or something? He had to bond with her straight away, so she'd know him when he changed back into a man.
"Okay," he grumbled reluctantly. He shifted carefully, feeling the deep ache of the surgery despite the pain killers he was on. Jim's hands were gentle, helping him to his feet and holding him while he panted dizzily. "This sucks," he decided.
"I can't wait to see them again," Jim coaxed him, helping him into his robe and guiding him for the first few steps.
"Me either," Blair brightened. He managed a short way down the hall before giving up, leaning against the wall while Jim retrieved a wheel chair. Even sitting down was hard work, and by the time he was seated all Blair wanted was another nap. But he gamely kept his eyes open, longing to gaze at the girls again.
"I'm nervous," he realised as they approached the ICU.
"About what?" Jim asked, brushing his shoulder as he pushed him along.
"I don't know," Blair said honestly. He rubbed the palms of his hands on his knees. "What if I mess this up?"
Jim chuckled. "You've done the hard part, Chief," he promised. "Those little guys in there aren't expecting anything from you but unconditional love."
Blair quirked a smile. "I wish I could say I loved them from the moment I felt them moving inside me," he mused as they paused outside the ICU doors. Jim began shrugging into the surgical scrubs that were folded neatly on metal shelves. "But if I remember correctly I was more inclined to curl up in a corner and moan plaintively."
Jim huffed a laugh. "I have a vague recollection of something like that myself," he admitted.
"But it didn't take long before unconditional love was the easiest part of carrying them," he continued. He rubbed his puffy stomach, feeling the odd emptiness and achy pain.
Jim opened the doors and propped them back while he returned to the chair. "Ready?"
Blair couldn't help the shiver of anticipation that rocketed through him. "Ready."
"Mr. and Mrs. Ellison?" a gowned and masked nurse greeted them. "So nice to meet you. I'm Margie Grant. Your girls are a big hit down here, we haven't had twins in ages."
"How are they?" Blair asked eagerly.
"Come see for yourself," Margie invited with a smile that crinkled her eyes. She led the way down the hall past an empty cubicle, and then turned right into a spotless white room. Two huge plastic humidi-cribs dominated it, and the tiny pink wrapped bundles inside instantly captivated his attention.
"Ellison number one," Margie twinkled. "And Ellison number two."
Jim wheeled Blair over until he was between the cribs, and he turned his head back and forward trying to take them both in.
"Why don't we pop them out and you can hold them?" she offered. "Are we lactating yet, Mrs. Ellison?"
Blair studied the babies as she opened the clear top and gathered up a bundle.
"Mrs. Ellison?" Jim prodded, touching his shoulder.
"Who? Oh, right." Blair chuckled in embarrassment. "Sorry, I was watching the baby."
"I asked if you were lactating yet?"
Blair looked at her, dumbfounded. He knew that was on the cards for new mothers, but this had all happened so quickly that he hadn't really thought about it. "I don't think so," he ventured. "Someone would have told me if I was, right?"
Margie chuckled richly. "I think you'd notice." She leaned over and carefully placed her bundle in his arms. "Don't worry, it's bound to come in the next few days."
Blair tuned right out again. The weight in his arms was negligible, but he couldn't have torn his attention away from her now if his life depended on it. This was Number One, the baby he'd held moments after she'd been born. A week ago he'd have said all babies looked alike, but this little face was now engraved on his heart. With a reverent finger he stroked her rounded cheek, marveling at the impossible softness.
"Wow," he whispered. "Jim?"
Margie was opening the second crib and Jim pulled up a seat next to the wheelchair and sat down, elbow touching Blair's.
"I know," Jim agreed, smiling tenderly into his eyes. They both looked down at One, and she snuffled and then opened her eyes, staring up at them blurrily.
"Will her eyes stay blue?" Jim said in hushed tones.
"With us as her parents?" Blair said in delight. "Of course."
He looked up as Margie approached and Jim held out his arms and accepted Two. He pulled the edge of her blanket away and they both gazed into her face.
"She's so much smaller," Blair breathed, looking from One to Two in surprise.
"Three pounds two ounces," Margie informed them. "Amazing the difference those few ounces make when they're so tiny, isn't it?"
Blair nodded, gazing back and forward between them. One wrinkled her nose and puckered her lips, smacking them eagerly.
Jim chuckled along with him at the sight.
"That's why I asked if you were lactating yet," Margie smiled, carrying over two tiny bottles. "It's their feeding time and I thought you might like to express some milk for them."
Blair gulped. He'd just got used to regular breasts, he wasn't sure he liked the idea of ones that doubled as a dairy case.
He took his bottle and stroked One's lips with it, smiling widely as she closed her eyes in bliss and latched on. Grinning he looked over at Jim, then could only sit and stare at the sight.
Jim had one strong finger outstretched and was touching Two's brow with it delicately. Breath frozen, Blair watched as Jim traced the fine skin, stroking over tiny winged brows and down to round cheeks. Pink lips pursed as the finger slid over her cheek, and Blair breathed a sigh of delight as the small head turned and the lips puckered searchingly.
His chuckle broke the spell and Jim looked up with a quirky grin. "Guess she's hungry," he admitted bashfully.
Margie smiled at him kindly and handed him the bottle. "I'll leave you to it," she twinkled.
Jim put the teat to Two's lips and she latched on tight, suckling strongly.
One was snuffling and snorting as she drained the bottle, and Blair didn't resist the urge to touch her smooth face again, marveling at the tiny button nose and firm little chin.
"She has your chin," Blair realised.
Jim looked pleased, studying One thoroughly. "You think so?"
"Uh huh," Blair confirmed. Cradled safely in the crook of his left arm, he carefully unwrapped the soft pink blanket, revealing softly waving little hands. "Fingernails," Blair breathed, as if he'd never seen them before in his life.
Jim reached over and laid his finger in One's palm, and she patted it.
Blair looked over as Jim unwrapped Two, then he reached over and stroked her little fingers, realising with a frisson of delight that this was the first time he'd touched her. Jim parted the blanket and exposed her tummy and her little bare legs.
"The diaper is bigger than she is," Jim observed, touching the gently rounded belly and stroking down to little booty clad feet.
"God, she's tiny," Blair breathed. One spat out the teat and wrinkled her nose, bubbles of milk running down her chin. Lifting the edge of the blanket Blair gently wiped it away, then lifted her to a sitting position, draping her over his hand and patting gently at her back.
"You've been studying," Jim observed, surprised.
"It's what I do best," Blair admitted. One's tummy rumbled and she burbled up another bubble of milk.
Jim lifted Two's bottle away and followed his partner's example. Blair had to grin at the tiny baby draped over Jim's big strong hand.
"She burped," Jim exclaimed in delight.
"You're both doing very well," Margie praised, leaning over and peering down at the twins. "Do you want to swap?"
Blair longed to hold Two, but at the same time One was settled against his chest so comfortably. As always Jim came through for him, standing up and turning Two so that her feet faced her sister's, and with a smile he laid her in the crook of Blair's free arm.
"I need my camera," he said gently.
"Will this do?" Margie called, producing a digital camera. "Help yourself."
So Blair posed, heart as full as his arms while Jim clicked picture after picture. Finally, at Blair's urging he sat back down and took his turn holding both his daughters at once.
"Time's nearly up, Mom and Dad," Margie said sympathetically. "But I have good news. Number One here is being moved to Maternity today, and I've no doubt her sister will be following very soon."
Blair heaved a sigh of relief. "And do you know when we can take them home?"
"They won't be cleared to leave before they hit the five pound mark," Margie explained. "Which, at the rate these little girls guzzle, won't be too long."
Jim leaned over and pressed a masked kiss to One and then Two's brow, before letting Margie scoop Two out of his arm. She held him to Blair who stroked a tiny cheek and laid a kiss like a benediction on her brow. One was next and then they were back in their cribs, snuffling a little before their eyes drifted closed.
"Can we just sit here for a while?" Blair suggested.
Jim stroked under his eyes. "Just a few minutes," he allowed. "You need rest."
********
"Well that's it," Blair said sleepily as he settled back on his bed with a sigh. "Everything's changed. Every thing I thought was important, every ambition I had, it's all changed."
Jim stroked his hair back and Blair's heart warmed. He loved when Jim touched him like that. "I know exactly what you mean," he confided.
"Yesterday it was you and me, and that was enough. Today we're a family, and every part of our life will change to accommodate that." Blair yawned, eyes closing.
Jim sat by the bed, stroking his hair gently. "I woke up this morning with a feeling," Jim whispered. "And I couldn't figure out what it was. I tried to sort out what was going through my mind, started to make some of those plans I've been putting off for months. But I kept getting distracted by this feeling."
Blair blinked sleepily. "What was it?" he asked curiously.
"It was joy," Jim whispered against his lips.
Blair fell asleep smiling.
********
Blair was holding court. He'd never had pretensions to being a queen, but he had the feeling this was how it felt. He got to sit propped up on cushions, while adoring acolytes bought him gifts and praised him to the sky.
It was pretty cool.
"Well, Paul had a few probing questions for me, Jim," Simon said scratching his head.
Jim quirked a brow. "About what?"
"I doubt you were in any state to realise it, but after he told you the baby was okay, you called B.J Blair."
Jim raised his brow. "Ouch."
"And referred to her as him."
Jim turned his mouth down. "What did he say?"
"He pushed the whole question of why you elected to have the twins delivered so early again. To tell you the truth I think he was so glad he had a legitimate reason to deliver them, he wasn't inclined to push too hard. But that might change."
"Then we'll deal with it when it does," Blair decreed. He looked around. Rafe and Henry had been and gone, and his mother was on her way. Colourful congratulation balloons bobbed in the corner, and two wickedly grinning teddy-bears sat on the bedside table. But no one had complimented him or congratulated him in half an hour, and he was getting impatient.
The door opened and William Ellison poked his head around. "Can I come in?"
Simon stood, slapping his knees. "Hi, Mr. Ellison. I was just about to leave, so you can have my seat."
"Don't let me drive you away," William said, sidling into the room, a huge bunch of flowers in one hand and a gaily wrapped gift in the other.
That's more like it, Blair thought.
"He's been here all morning," Jim said. "He must be sick of us. Hi, Dad."
"Jimmy!" William embraced him as best he could with his burdens. "Well done, son," he enthused.
"I think B.J deserves most of the credit, Dad," Jim said, looking self-conscious. He still didn't accept praise from his dad well.
"I agree," Simon said firmly. He leaned over and tousled Blair's curls with a wink. Blair stroked the hair back down, grinning impudently.
"No kiss goodbye?" he murmured.
Simon's eyes glinted behind his glasses. "I'll see you later," he promised menacingly. And then he left.
"B.J, my dear," William gushed, holding out the flowers and the gift. "You look radiant."
"Thanks, Mr. Ellison," Blair said politely. "Um, nice flowers."
And then Jim's father was leaning over and at the last minute Blair realised he was about to get the kiss he'd teased Simon about. He turned his head as subtly as possible, receiving the tribute on the cheek.
"How are you my dear?"
"Fine," Blair squeaked, unable to breath until the elderly man straightened up and pulled a chair over.
"I'll put them in water, shall I?" Jim offered, eyes dancing.
"Don't be too long," Blair beseeched. In other words, don't leave me with your father too long. He pushed his hair back and rubbed his cheek as unobtrusively as possible. It felt too weird to have another male face so close to his own.
"Open your gift," William urged.
Blair tugged away the ribbon and slid the bow to one side before flipping open the top of the box. Nestled inside were a pair of twinkling sapphire earrings.
"Oh wow," he breathed guiltily. He looked up at his father-in-law. "You shouldn't have."
"I noticed Jim hadn't given you much jewellery," William said comfortably. "And I know how women like that sort of thing."
Blair narrowed his eyes. He admitted to himself that he wasn't much of a woman, but even he found that remark vaguely offensive. What kind of women had this guy been hanging out with?
"The girls will have my mothers jewellery of course," William continued. "Eventually."
"Hm," Blair agreed. "Have you seen them?" he asked, more eagerly. The twins were now his favourite subjects.
"Not yet. I thought Jimmy might come over with me."
"You still have to suit up with gowns and masks and things," Blair told him. "They're the only two babies in there at the moment."
William shifted forward. "Do they need anything?" He looked around the pleasant little room disdainfully. "I imagine this clinics facilities are perfectly fine, but is there anything they need, any equipment?"
Blair held his temper. Did this guy think they would put their babies at risk by depriving them of anything they might need? What was there about Jim's father that worked his last nerve?
"This clinic has everything the twins need, Dad," Jim said, coming back into the room.
"Look what your Dad gave me, Jim," Blair said brightly, holding out the box.
Jim considered the shiny stones thoughtfully. "Very nice," he approved.
"Of course their trust funds are already being set up," William bragged. "I'd hoped to have them all ready by their due date, but you jumped the gun a bit with that, didn't you young lady?"
"Sorry," Blair said meekly.
"Shall we go see them, Dad?" Jim inserted hastily.
"I'd love to," William enthused. Then he sighed a little. "Two girls. I was hoping for a boy to carry on the Ellison name..."
That was it. Blair opened his mouth to tell this old man what he thought of him, when Jim leaned over and pressed a kiss to his parted lips. "If you'll excuse us, Dad? I'll get B.J into her robe and we'll wheel her over to ICU."
"Fine," William said absently, sketching a wave as he departed.
"Did you hear him dissing our girls?" Blair said furiously.
Jim pulled the blankets back and picked up Blair's robe. "Ignore him," he advised. "You know he doesn't mean anything by it."
"The man has no people skills at all," Blair grumbled, shifting his legs carefully and letting Jim help him into the robe. The incision throbbed a little with the movement and he paused for a beat, practising the breathing exercises the physio-therapist had shown him. Perfectly in tune with him as always, Jim paused too, waiting until he was ready before threading his last arm though the sleeve and pulling the robe closed.
"Actually I've seen him charm the birds off the trees when it comes to clients," Jim said, absently freeing Blair's hair from the collar. "It's just with family that he relaxes."
"Is that what you call it?" Blair grouched, carefully standing and letting Jim position the wheelchair behind him.
"Don't let him get to you," Jim advised. He leaned over with his hands on the arms of the chair and grinned. "We're going to see our girls."
Blair brightened. Any excuse to wheel down and look at the little lives he'd created was to be seized upon. "It's nearly feeding time, isn't it?"
"Are we lactating yet?" Jim teased.
Blair's mouth turned down. "Not funny, man."
********
"You can't let those poor little babies go another day being called One and Two," Naomi said firmly.
"They don't mind," Blair chuckled.
"That's not the point. They need names, honey."
"We never really talked about names," Jim admitted.
"Just add that to the list of things you two never talked about," Naomi said tartly. She dug around in her capacious purse. "I bought you a book of names." She handed it to Blair. "I labeled a couple of the ones I like," she dimpled.
"Thanks, Mom," Blair said, exchanging a look with Jim. "But it's not something we want to rush into. After all, a name is something you have to live with your whole life." Blair skimmed through the book, checking out the names his mother had marked. "Jezebelle?" he appealed. "What do I look like, Bruce Willis?"
"Actually you look more like Demi Moore right now," Jim told him straight-faced.
Blair thought about that. "From Ghost or Striptease?"
"Ghost," Jim allowed.
Blair thought a moment longer then nodded. "I'll accept that."
Naomi was shaking her head at their antics. "You two spent the last three months burying your heads in the sand, and now you can only joke around," she chided. "Have you thought about what happens when Blair turns back? He's just had major surgery, what if he has some health problems?"
Blair rubbed at his puffy tummy ruefully. "Mom, we have thought about it. We just don't see the point of worrying about the whole thing before it happens."
"If there is a problem can you come to this Dr Hoffman? Oh, I wish we'd just gone to Dr Yuong's clinic! It would have been so much simpler."
"Simpler for who?" Blair asked incredulously. "What would have happened if I'd changed over there, Mom? How would I have gotten home?"
Naomi nodded her head wisely. "There's always a way, sweetie."
Jim stood up. "As a duly designated officer of the law I don't need to hear this," he stated. "I'm going to get some lunch."
"Bring me back a burger," Blair called after him. "And some fries."
"In your dreams," Jim called back, door swinging shut behind him.
"Rat," Blair cursed fondly, shaking his head.
"How is Jim coping with all this, Blair?" his mom asked anxiously.
Blair looked at his mother in surprise. "You can seen how Jim's handling it." He nodded towards the door. "He's over the moon, he's incandescent. He can't wipe the smile off his face." Blair grinned. "I'm the one who's supposed to be glowing, but he could light up Cascade Towers."
Naomi frowned in puzzlement. "I never expected him to be so... open about his feelings," she confided.
Blair sighed. "Mom, you don't know Jim." He smiled, feeling the quiet glow of pride within him. "Nobody knows Jim the way I do. He wears the face he does because that's what he's been taught. Abandoned by his mother, raised by his father." He made a face. "Then the army and the police force. His whole life he's been taught to wear that face, to hide what he feels, who he is."
Blair groped for words, trying to convey his feelings to his mother. "But underneath. He's funny, Mom. I mean, he can crack me up with one droll word. And he's... genuine, you know? A genuinely good, decent man." Blair smiled reminiscently. "You should see him with the babies. So gentle. And I don't think he's thought it through with his brain yet, but his heart knows. Those two little girls will love him unconditionally. Even I haven't been able to give him that yet."
Naomi frowned a little. "Are you jealous of that?"
Blair snorted. "Are you kidding? Mom, that smile he's walking around with? I put that on his face." Pride swelled within him again. "I gave him those children, and no matter what happens next, nothing can take that away. This bond, these hours, these days..."
Naomi shook her head. "I'm glad you can see those things in Jim, honey," she said doubtfully.
"Wait til you see him with the twins," he said wisely. "Then you'll see it too."
"Maybe," Naomi conceded sceptically.
********
The nurse wheeled the small plastic crib into the room and then left them with a smile. Jim carefully unfolded the swaddling and smiled down at the tiny dozy baby.
"Hey, Number One," he crooned. "Come to Daddy." Sliding one hand under her head and the other under her diapered butt he lifted her and cradled her against his broad chest. She opened her eyes and squinted up at him fuzzily. "Yeah, you remember me, don't you?"
Blair couldn't take his eyes off the sight of Jim lifting their daughter so easily, so assuredly. Next to him his mother put her hand on his arm and he patted it gently.
Jim smiled into muzzy blue eyes. "Want to go to Mommy?" He nodded his head. "Yes? Better make the most of it, Number Two will be busted loose soon, then you'll have to fight for attention."
Blair held out his arms eagerly as Jim carried the baby over to him, gently cradling her head as he handed her over. Holding her close Blair smiled down on her with delight. He opened his mouth to speak and then froze, feeling a gushing warmth spreading across his chest. He looked down in dismay and then up into Jim's dumbfounded face.
"Uh, I think we're finally lactating," he said weakly.
End of Part Twenty-Seven.
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