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B.J Sandburg Part Twenty-Two.
Blair cranked the stereo up and began to sway his hips to the enthusiastic drumbeat. His small swollen belly moved with a life of its own, throwing off his centre of gravity and causing him to spin a little. Chuckling, he placed his hands on the swell and continued his boogie.
It was the weirdest feeling. Actually, as Jim was fond of saying, his weird-o-meter had had to be reset with a whole new set of parameters. But this full, ripe feeling was the weirdest feeling of all.
Inside him Blair could feel the subtle ripple of the pods, stretching, or turning, or maybe sucking their thumbs. In the latest scan he'd seen the clearest picture of one of the twins with his thumb between his jaws.
It made his heart ache.
Panting, Blair collapsed back on the couch. His endurance for dancing was definitely suffering, despite his constant rests and napping.
"I'd kill for a beer," he groaned, almost tasting the fragrant brew on his tongue. He closed his eyes and sighed. He might not be the best mother material in the world, but he wasn't about to inflict the pods with the effects of Cascade beer.
The song finished and he idly picked up the remote control and started flipping through TV channels. Home shopping. Blech. Judge Judy. Sheesh. Midday Movie. Hmm.
He settled back onto the cushions, eyes glazing over as the ho-hum story unfolded in front of him. He had a shelf full of tapes to watch, but they were too far away and he was too lazy to stand up and get them. He had a computer and the Internet ten feet away, offering entertainment from around the world, but that also meant moving from his comfortable position.
At some point he must have dozed off, because the next thing he heard was a knock on the door.
"Damn," he muttered, standing up and tiptoeing to the door. He was tempted just to lay back and ignore it, but Naomi had gotten into the habit of sending him parcels, and if he didn't answer they'd just leave a card and he'd have to trudge down to the post office.
Sighing at the thought of adding yet another box of pre-natal vitamins, aromatherapy or herbal solution to the pile in his room, Blair peered through the peep hole. "Who is it?"
"Megan Connor."
Blair drew back in surprise, looking down at his bulge in dismay. He hadn't even worked up the nerve to talk to her yet.
"I can leave if you'd like," Megan said on the other said of the door. The note of sad resignation in her voice galvanised him.
"No!" he protested, unchaining the door. He took a deep breath and swung it open.
Megan stood there, her fake fur trimmed coat pulled around her ears, bag slung over her shoulder. She ran her eyes over him and Blair braced himself for her surprise.
"So, it's true," she said steadily.
Blair deflated. "What's true?" he said dumbly.
Megan nodded down at his tummy. "It's all over the station," she confirmed. "When I heard I thought you might... need a friend." She looked sad. "I thought we were friends, once."
"We are!" Blair protested. He reached out and grasped her hand. "We are," he said firmly.
"Then why have you been ignoring my calls?" she demanded, face flushing. "If we're friends, why did I have to find out you're pregnant from station house gossip?"
Blair flushed, hanging his head. How could he explain this to her?
Megan stepped closer and stroked a stray curl away from his forehead. The move was so much like a caress from Jim that Blair leaned into it. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "You don't need me coming here and hassling you."
Blair caught her hand again, this time holding it firmly. "You're my friend," he repeated. "You can hassle me any time you like." He stepped back. "Come in?"
Megan looked at him uncertainly for a moment, and then nodded, and stepped past him.
"Sorry about the mess," Blair said, nodding to the cushion strewn sofa and the pile of pregnancy magazines he read to scare himself to death.
"You should see my place," Megan commented, laying her bag on the table and shrugging out of her coat, stroking the fake fur collar smooth. "I never will get used to the weather here."
"Me either." Blair hung the coat and then stood there awkwardly, aware of his baggy sweatpants and tangled hair.
"Hey?" Megan said softly. "Gimme a hug?" She reached out and wrapped long arms around him, and Blair stiffened, then softened, laying his head on her shoulder. Sheesh, was everybody in the world taller than him?
"I missed you," Blair said honestly.
"Then why avoid me?" Megan asked, drawing back with a puzzled frown between her eyes. "Did you think I'd be mad at you for lying to me?"
"I didn't lie!" Blair defended. "I really didn't know I was pregnant when you asked me. I swear!"
"Okay, okay, I believe you," Megan chuckled, holding her hands up. "I know you're not a liar."
This hit a little too close to home, and Blair looked away, flushing.
"Hey?" Megan said quietly. "I forgot to say."
Blair raised a curious brow.
"Congratulations," Megan smiled.
Blair felt a smile break across his face. "Thanks," he said sincerely. "Um, do you want a drink? I have milk, juice, and um, beer."
"Beer?"
"Jim's beer," Blair admitted. "I could make you one of my fruit smoothies? I'm becoming an expert."
"Sounds good," Megan agreed. "Can I help?"
Blair led the way into the kitchen. "You can chop fruit," he offered. Soon Megan was chopping bananas while Blair dug into the rock hard ice cream. "So, it's all over the station, is it?" he said thoughtfully. He wondered if he should ring Jim and then decided against it. His partner probably had his hands full just dealing with Simon.
"Somebody saw you when you were out," Megan confirmed, popping a slice of ripe banana into her mouth. "I think the news was all over Cascade in about five minutes."
"This city's like a small town sometimes," Blair complained.
"Why was it such a big secret then?" Megan probed.
Blair sighed. "There are some things in life we can't change," he said steadily, eyes on his blender. His hands shook as he dropped a spoonful of icecream on top of the milk. "One of them is that I'm leaving in May."
"So you've always said," Megan mused quietly. "And this," she nodded at his stomach. "This doesn't change that?"
Blair shook his head. "It just makes it harder," he said sadly.
"You're in love with Jim," Megan accused. "And now you're having his baby." She faltered. "It is his baby, isn't it?"
Blair nodded, eyes still down.
"I don't understand," Megan said helplessly.
The blender was now a blur and Blair blinked rapidly. "One day," he said carefully. "I'd like to explain it to you, if you'll listen."
"But not today," Megan concluded in resignation.
Blair nodded again. "Can you deal with that?"
Megan scooped up a handful of sliced banana and dropped it into the blender. "I can keep a secret, Beej," she told him. Popping the lid on the blender she pressed the mix button, watching it whirr loudly. "Any time you need to share that burden you're carrying, I'm here."
"Thank you," Blair said gratefully.
"But not this burden," Megan said pointedly, patting his tummy. "This one's all yours. Hey," she chuckled. "That's pretty hard."
"It's pretty full," Blair confided shyly.
Megan turned the blender off and stared down in fascination. She lifted her other hand and hesitated. "Can I...?"
"Sure," Blair smiled.
Megan laid both hands on his slight bulge, shaping it with a wondering touch. "Does it move?"
Blair chuckled. "Yeah," he assured her. "They do."
Megan's eye brows shot up comically. "They?"
Blair nodded sheepishly.
"Well! No wonder you've been in shock, girl!" she exclaimed. "Twins!" She threw her head back and laughed. "Trust you, Beej!"
********
Half an hour later they were lying back on Blair's bed, sipping their third smoothie and examining Naomi's gifts.
"Gentle Essence of the Sea," Megan read. "I think you use it in the bath." She sniffed it. "Whew!" She wiped watering eyes. "Relaxing," she choked.
Blair frowned and waved a hand under his nose. "She's sent me a truck load of vitamins," he said in despair. "If I took them all these kids would come out looking like Arnold Swartzenegger."
"There's a nasty thought," Megan giggled. "So, how does Jim feel about becoming a father?"
Blair shrugged. "We haven't really talked about that part of it," he admitted. "We're just trying to get through the next few months."
"I think he'll make a good dad," Megan announced. "He has that gentle way about him. Hard as nails on the outside, but all soft and gooey inside."
Blair chuckled. "Don't ever say that to him," he advised. "He likes to think that hardness goes all the way through."
"All men do," Megan said wisely. "For some reason they think that's what women want."
"Isn't it?" Blair asked, forgetting for a moment he was supposed to know that. Megan didn't seem to think it such an odd question though.
"They can be pretty exciting," she admitted. "But what about when you want something else? A little peace and quiet, for example." She nodded at Blair's tummy. "Or a man to build a nest with."
"Build a nest with," Blair repeated, laying his head back. "I never imagined I'd want to build a nest with anyone," he admitted. "I'm still not one hundred percent sure it's what I want, to tell you the truth."
Megan rolled onto her side and watched him silently, eyes understanding.
"But since the moment we found out Jim's been here for me. He rubs my back," Blair said bashfully. "He cooks, even when he's tired. And he doesn't complain when he comes home and I haven't tidied up yet, even though he's a compulsive neat freak."
Megan smiled softly. "Sounds like true love to me."
Blair rubbed his tummy thoughtfully. "He never asked for this."
"Neither did you," Megan returned.
Blair looked at her, startled. "Jim said the same thing."
"Then listen to him. Sometimes we take roads we never expected, and certainly never thought we'd want. But they can lead us to some pretty good places." Megan stretched like a cat, smiling. "Look at me. I came to Cascade hunting a man I hated. I lied, I schemed, I stabbed poor Jim in the back." She shook her head, as if in amazement at her past actions. "Who would have thought I'd find a job and a life here. And some really good friends to boot."
Yeah," Blair agreed, remembering those days. How long ago it seemed, and what a different person he'd been. Literally, but figuratively too. Naomi had predicted his year as a woman would change him, surely even she could never have imagined how much.
Later as Megan was shrugging into her coat to leave, she turned to him solemnly. "Beej? What does Jim say about this leaving in May stuff?"
"Um, we haven't really talked about it," Blair stammered, not sure if he was lying or telling the truth.
Megan shook her head in exasperation. "Do you two talk about anything?" she despaired. "I swear," she muttered, turning to the door. "If I didn't know better I'd say you were both guys."
Blair just smiled until she was gone, and then leaned against the door and laughed hysterically.
********
He was just rinsing out the blender when a knock sounded again. Wondering if Megan had forgotten something Blair swung open the door, absently wiping his hands on a small towel. His inquiring smile froze on his face when he saw the man standing there.
"Mr. Ellison," he stammered.
The imposing grey haired man stared at him arrogantly, one brow raised. His eyes ran over him rudely, coming to rest on the slightly swollen tummy quizzically.
"Excuse me," he said formally. "Do I know you?"
"Um, sorry," Blair stuttered. "Jim showed me your picture," he made up quickly.
"Really?" Mr. Ellison raised that brow again. He looked over Blair's shoulder pointedly. "May I speak to my son?"
Blair scrunched the kitchen towel up nervously. "Jim isn't actually here at the moment," he said quickly.
William Ellison's attention focused on Blair sharply. "Is that so?" he said thoughtfully. His eyes dropped to the bulge again. He frowned slightly. "May I ask your situation here, Miss...?" He glanced at her bare ring finger briefly, and then looked away.
"Sandburg," Blair supplied, straightening his shoulders defensively. Dammit, this was his home too, who the heck was this guy to come here and examine him like a bug in a microscope? "B.J Sandburg. I live here," he added proudly.
Ellison's face cleared. "Oh, Sandburg," he said, looking relieved. "I see." He looked as if he did too, a complacent smile crossing his face. "I had no idea Jim's little friend had married. Congratulations," he added superciliously.
Blair bristled at the 'little friend' description. "Actually Blair doesn't live here any more," he said sweetly, just to wipe that look off this guy's face. "I do."
Well, that wiped the smile off all right. Ellison's gaze sharpened like a laser. "Maybe I should come in and wait for my son," he said firmly, pushing past Blair and stepping into the loft.
"Hey," Blair said indignantly, hands on his hips. "I don't know what time he'll be home."
"I'll wait," Ellison said arrogantly, sitting on the couch.
"I'm sorry," Blair said firmly. "I'm about to go take a nap." He patted his stomach brazenly. "We need our rest."
Ellison stood up reluctantly. "Perhaps you could tell Jimmy I called," he said politely. He looked around the room, as searching for answers to all the questions in his eyes.
"Of course," Blair said, still standing pointedly by the open door.
As William Ellison drew level with Blair he stopped, looking down at her appraisingly.
"Tell me something, young woman," he said softly. "Just what is your connection with my son?"
Blair resisted the urge to step back. He had been hanging around with cops long enough to know intimidation techniques when he saw them. He looked up boldly.
"I don't think that's any of your concern," he said, as haughtily as he could manage.
Ellison's voice was hard and cold. He pointed confidently. "It is if that's my grandchild you're carrying."
Blair drew in a sharp breath. He should have remembered this man was a business shark. He didn't mess around.
Ellison seized his advantage. "There's no need for hostility," he said, eyes creasing at the corners as he smiled kindly.
Blair steeled himself. It didn't take a Sentinel to notice the smile didn't quite reach William's eyes.
"I'm not being hostile," Blair said carefully. "I just think you'd better talk to your son about this."
Triumph flared in Ellison's eyes. "It is," he breathed. He smiled widely, eyes afire. "It is Jimmy's child, isn't it!"
Blair clenched his hands. This was all spinning out of control. "Please," he said evenly. "Please talk to Jim about this."
"I will," William swore fiercely. He slapped his gloves against his hand triumphantly. "I will."
Blair sagged against the doorjamb. What next?
********
Jim was next, showing up at his usual time. Too wired to nap after William's departure, he'd cleaned the loft from top to bottom and was relaxing in the bath when Jim arrived.
"Hey, Chief," Jim said, coming in and squatting by the tub.
"Just in time," Blair said, wondering how to broach the subject of Jim's father. "You can help lift me out."
Jim rolled up his sleeves and grabbed a sponge. "I'll wash your back," he offered. "I've got some news."
"Me too," Blair said fervently.
Jim quirked a brow.
"You first," Blair said generously, leaning forward so Jim could soap him up.
"You were spotted," Jim said shortly. "The pods aren't a secret any more."
"I know. Megan dropped by," Blair explained at Jim's inquiring look.
Jim's brow creased in concern. "How did that go?"
"Okay," Blair shrugged. "How did Simon take it?"
"He exploded and showered me with little pieces of Simon contempt."
"As only Simon can," Blair chuckled. Jim rinsed him off and he stood, letting Jim engulf him in a huge fluffy towel. "What did he do?"
"Raved for a while," Jim admitted. "Then he offered to help us."
"Help?" Blair looked over his shoulder as he trotted to his room. "Help us with what?"
Jim appeared to choose his words carefully. "With finding a doctor to deliver the pods."
Blair jerked his head up in shock. He had closed his mind to that part of the future, hating the thought of having these lives literally cut from him. "What?" he whispered.
"He pointed out all the flaws in the Thailand plan," Jim continued carefully.
Numbly Blair sat down on his bed. "We know all the flaws." He gathered the damp towel around him, shivering. Hadn't he played each and every fear over in his mind since the plan was hatched?
"But up til now we haven't had a choice," Jim said gently. "Now we might. Simon thinks he knows someone here in the States who will do it."
Tears of relief sprang into Blair's eyes. "Why? Why would anyone do something like that? Money?"
Jim sat down next to him, rubbing his chilled skin briskly. "I get the feeling this guy's a friend of Simon. Maybe someone who owes him."
Gratefully Blair leaned on Jim's shoulder. "I hated the thought of the twins being born overseas," he confessed.
"I know," Jim admitted. "I hated the thought of you going through all that in a strange place."
Blair closed his eyes tightly. "I hope Simon can pull this off," he said fervently.
Jim cuddled him. "Let's get you into some warm clothes."
Blair dressed, mind whirling. This was like a weight off his mind that he hadn't even realised he'd been carrying. He'd accepted that he'd have to do whatever it took to see the twins born safely, but he'd never liked the idea of breaking law after law to do this.
"You know," he said suddenly, fingers poised on the buttons of his shirt. "If I knew for sure the twins would be all right, I'd wait and have them naturally. Even if..." He drew in a deep breath. "Even if it meant I'd have to stay a woman forever."
Jim stared at him, shock in his eyes. "You'd make that sacrifice?" he whispered.
Blair clenched his hands in the front of his shirt. "Would it be such a sacrifice?" he muttered, eyes down. His heart was beating furiously in his chest. "At least then I know I wouldn't lose you."
Silence for a moment, and then Jim was grabbing him, dragging him into his arms, crushing him against his chest. "God, Blair," he groaned. "God, don't talk like that! Please! I don't want our love to be a sacrifice."
Blair stood against Jim's chest, eyes opened wide with shock. Jim's distress was very real, and he automatically lifted his arms and wrapped them around his lover in comfort.
"I'm sorry," he crooned.
Jim drew back, gazing fiercely into his eyes. He cupped Blair's face between his hands. "You understand, don't you? I love you. We'll work our way through the rest."
"I understand," Blair assured him, truly beginning to for the first time.
********
"I don't think I can take all this stress," Jim said, combing his hair. He pulled a few light brown strands from its teeth ruefully.
"Then maybe you don't want to hear about the other visitor I had this afternoon?" Blair asked complacently, feet up on the couch. He was feeling fine. For some reason he'd been blessed with a whole slew of burdens lifted off his shoulders today.
Jim looked over his shoulder nervously and raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I don't," he admitted. "Who was it?"
Blair stroked his stomach absently. "Your father."
Jim dropped his comb.
End of Part Twenty-Two.
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