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B.J Sandburg Part Eleven.
Jim buckled his seatbelt and cast a worried look over at his partner. "You sure about this, Chief?"
Still a trifle pale, Blair nodded determinedly. "Women all over the world are running countries and businesses and their homes, without retiring to their beds every twenty-eight days," he said. "If they can do it, so can I."
"Fair enough." Jim started the truck. "If you change your mind let me know, and I'll come pick you up, okay?"
"I could drive myself in."
Jim frowned. "Not until you have that I.D fixed up. I can't believe you charmed some dumb cop out of giving you a ticket."
"He wasn't a dumb cop," Blair informed him archly. "He was a very nice cop who believed me when I told him I left my license in my other purse."
"You don't have a purse!"
"Hmm," Blair said thoughtfully. "Remind me to get a purse."
They drove for a while in silence. "You know, Jim, women have spent most of history as second class citizens, one way or another."
"Don't go getting all feminist on me, Chief," Jim said, not entirely joking.
Blair ignored him with the ease of long practice. "In the last century Western women have fought for their rights, and achieved something close to equality with the male sex."
Jim slanted him a curious glance, wondering where all this was going.
"And the fact that women have achieved, and continue to achieve so much, while still getting a period every month, is the most amazing feat I can imagine."
Jim shouted a laugh. When he shot another look at Blair it was to find the young woman staring back at him with a cat-like gaze. "You really are finding a whole new respect for women during this experience, aren't you, Chief?" he said, still chuckling.
"Jim," Blair said seriously. "I've spent thirty years as a man and one week as a woman, and it's my considered opinion that women are the superior sex."
Jim shook his head, still grinning widely. "No argument from this mere male, Blair."
"Naomi called while you were in the shower," Blair revealed, looking out the window. His voice was expressionless. "She can't make it until next weekend now."
Jim felt a lick of anger. He liked Naomi just fine, but sometimes her attitude towards her son drove him nuts. And was oddly familiar. After his mother left she'd found it all too easy to immerse herself in her new life and leave her sons behind.
"Did you ask her about your mating theory?"
Blair blew out an impatient sigh. "She was in a hurry." He shook his head. "I know she's hiding something from me, Jim. I know her too well."
"I think you're jumping at shadows here, Chief. Why wouldn't she warn you about something like this?"
"Maybe she doesn't know for sure," Blair said uncertainly. "I mean, it's not exactly like you can go and look this stuff up in the encyclopedia. Maybe she's just drawing on her own experience?"
Jim thought about it for a moment. "You mean you could have some eighteen year old siblings running around out there, from when Naomi was a man?"
Blair turned and stared at him, obviously struck by the thought. "Wow," he said numbly. "I could, couldn't I?"
"Nah," Jim dismissed. "Naomi wouldn't keep a secret like that from you. Besides, she'd have to have pretty close contact with them, right? To let them know what'll happen to them when they turn thirty?"
Blair shook his head. "You're forgetting, The Curse is carried through the female line. If Naomi had children back then it would have been as a man."
"But she's a woman," Jim said, thinking it through.
"But she would have been a man when they were conceived." Blair rubbed his creased brow. "At least I think that's how it would have worked."
"You know this all sounds like a pretty Mickey Mouse operation to me, Chief," Jim complained. "How come there isn't more information about this in your family?"
Blair sighed sadly. "There was, Jim, once. At the turn of the century a man named Bowermann collected every scrap of information he could find about The Curse. He scoured family archives all over the world for information and journals, some dating back to the Middle Ages. He created the definitive archive on The Curse."
"And?"
"And he housed it all in his ancestral home. In Germany."
"Ahh, I begin to see."
"World War Two took quite a toll on our family, one way or another," Blair said sombrely. "In human terms it was a tragedy, but in terms of what was lost historically... Those records were priceless."
"And really would have come in handy about now."
"The last few generations have all been women, and most of them seemed curiously reluctant to write about their experiences in any great detail." A slight flush coloured Blair's pale cheeks. "At least any kind of detail that would be helpful to me now."
"You mean whether they spent the year boffing like bunnies?" Jim supplied helpfully.
Blair rounded on him angrily. "You think this is pretty funny, don't you?"
Jim held up one hand defensively. "Hey, don't take it out on me! I'm just trying to get through this one crisis at a time, same as you."
Blair settled back grumpily. "I guess," he conceded.
"Besides, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick with all this, um, pregnancy business," Jim said, figuring he might as well get his two cents in now. "Your Sentinel/Guide theory made a lot more sense."
"What if the two theories are connected?" Blair said suddenly. He grew excited. "Hey, that could make sense!"
"In Sandburg-world maybe," Jim muttered. He pulled up in the university parking lot. "Here you go, Chief."
"But don't you wanna talk about this, Jim?" Blair said eagerly.
"Are you kidding?" Jim said incredulously.
Blair's face fell. "Oh," he said.
Jim felt a pang of guilt. "I mean, we can talk about it later, right?"
Blair grimaced. "No, what you mean is that you don't want to talk about another one of my crackpot theories, right?"
Jim rolled his eyes.
"I saw that!" Blair said angrily. "Don't roll your eyes at me, you patronising... man!"
Jim looked around the crowded parking lot self-consciously. "Blair, we don't have time for this."
"We don't have time for this?" Blair repeated incredulously. "Jim, this isn't something that's gonna go away. We have to discuss this."
"Why?" Jim said irritably. "What will it change? What does it matter? As far as you're concerned this is all some biological thing we have no control over anyway!"
Blair drew back, eyes wide with surprise. "Jim?" he said in a small voice.
"Well, isn't it?" Jim banged his hands on the steering wheel. "What's the matter, Sandburg, didn't it occur to you that I might object to accusation that I'm some helpless puppet to a biological urge? That I might actually be cherishing the fond illusion that I have some sort of control over my life, my passions?"
Blair looked uncertain. "But... I'm just going on what happened before. With Alex, and your pheromones..."
"I was out of control back then," Jim dismissed in disgust.
"And you weren't out of control on the floor with me yesterday?" Blair shot back.
"No!" Jim returned forcefully. The shock on Blair's face had him examine his own answer more carefully. "No," he repeated thoughtfully, the full implications of that sinking in. "I wasn't."
"Really?" Blair said, blinking in shock.
"I was... excited," Jim said slowly, mind back on those passionate minutes. "But not out of control. If I had been... If I had been I would have taken you there and then."
Blair blinked slowly, his face a soft rose colour. "I just thought you didn't enjoy it as much as I did," he admitted in a shy voice. "And that's why you stopped."
Jim fought against the return of passion that his memories evoked. "Oh, I enjoyed it," he said softly. "Never doubt that."
"Oh," Blair said.
Jim studied his red-faced friend with wry amusement. "So, you want to tell me your new theory?"
Blair rubbed his jaw thoughtfully with one thumb. "Um, maybe I'll think it through a little longer."
Blair turned to climb from the truck, but Jim stopped him with one hand on his arm. "Chief? Maybe we could give the theories a rest. Just... take it easy for a while."
Blair bit the inside of his lip. "I'm... I just feel like I need to make sense of it, Jim, you know?"
Jim tightened his grip on his Guides arm. "Blair?" he said gently.
Blair looked up at him, eyes wide and dark blue. "I'm afraid," he confided in a whisper. "Of the way things are between us."
Jim shifted across the seat as far as he could. "I would never hurt you, Chief," he said quietly.
A small smile quirked Blair's mobile lips. "Maybe Naomi had the right idea. Taking off for that year." He patted Jim's hand and then pulled away, climbing from the truck nimbly.
Jim watched him walk away.
********
Simon stopped by Jim's desk on his way to lunch. "I'm going to Reilly's. Want to grab a bite?"
Jim looked at the mound of paperwork on his desk. "Sure."
"So, heard from Sandburg?" Simon asked over their entree.
"Yeah, he keeps in touch." Jim grinned wickedly. "Sends his love."
"I'll bet." Simon tasted his iced tea. "And how's your new room mate?"
"Still too young for you," Jim said pointedly.
"Jim Jim Jim," Simon chided. "You misunderstood my natural gallantry. I treat all women like that. Which by the way is why I'm so successful with the ladies, while you haven't had a date in months."
Jim smiled when he recalled his last date. "I do all right," he said, grinning reminiscently.
"I wanted to talk to you about your request for ride-along status for B.J."
"Problem?"
Simon shook his head. "Not really. I can push this through for you, Jim, I just wanted to talk about with you first. Are you sure about this?"
"Absolutely. B.J is studying Criminal Science, so she has some background to fall back on. And-" Jim broke off when Simon gestured impatiently.
"I heard this story already, Jim," he dismissed. "I want to hear the truth from you."
Jim studied his Captain's face wryly. He was pretty sure the truth was the last thing the older man needed to hear. In fact, he was absolutely sure if Simon did hear the truth he'd pretty quickly be whipping out his cell phone and calling for the little men in white with the jackets that buttoned up the back.
"It's a Sentinel thing, sir," Jim said lowly, relying on Simon's natural repugnance of all things Sentinel.
True to form, Simon drew back in distaste. "That's what I thought," he said, making his lemon-sucking face. "B.J knows about all this?"
"Blair and I told her the whole story," Jim lied smoothly. "And she volunteered to be Blair's stand-in for the time she's here."
Simon surveyed him narrowly, and Jim looked back as openly as he could, considering he was lying his head off. "You know, you've always given me the impression that Sandburg was pretty irreplaceable in your life. Hell, if I'd known we could have traded him in for a new model, I'd have suggested it years ago."
Despite the jovial tone in his Captain's voice, Jim felt a lick of anger.
"Blair is not replaceable," Jim said firmly. He met Simon's eyes squarely, making sure he conveyed his deadly sincerity. "No way, no how."
"Take it easy, detective," Simon said defensively. "I'm not impugning your little buddy."
"Glad to hear it, sir," Jim said, with the respectful insolence he'd perfected during his army years.
"So if B.J's not replacing Blair, what role does she play?"
Jim racked his brain, trying to come up with a plausible answer. B.J played the same role Blair always had, but there was no explaining that to Simon. In truth he'd never been able to explain to his Captain just how important Blair was in his life. Prop, anchor, comic relief.
Jim huffed a laugh, shaking his head. "Simon, I wish I could explain, I really do. If I could tell anybody, it would be you."
"You ask for a great deal, Jim, without giving much back in return."
"Only my best, sir," Jim shot back. "Every day I'm on the street."
"And is the street really where you want to drag that young woman? Think of the dangers you face every day, do you want to expose her to that?"
Jim chose his words carefully. "I won't expose B.J to any more that I think she can handle," he said honestly. "And honestly, she wouldn't let me. There's a strong will under all those curls."
Simon grunted. "Must be a family trait." He paused as the waiter deposited their meals in front of them. "All right, Jim, I'll clear her for ride-along. But I'm trusting you to watch out for her."
Jim smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Captain."
"And while we're chatting, let me just add: You're too old for her too."
Jim choked on his salad.
********
"He really said that?" Blair asked incredulously. He was standing in the doorway of his room, running a wide toothed comb through his freshly washed and dried hair.
"He really did," Jim confirmed. "I'm hoping he was just getting revenge for my comment."
"What else could it be? He was just messing with your head."
Blair paused and Jim turned his head to see him lingering in his doorway, an uncertain look on his face. "Chief? What's up?"
"I was wondering..." Blair smiled hopefully. "My back aches a bit."
Jim grinned. "You want another back rub, Blair?"
Blair's face lit up. "Would you?"
Jim heaved himself to his feet. "I suppose so," he sighed, long sufferingly.
"Thanks, Jim!" Blair disappeared into his room, and by the time Jim reached the door he was already stretched out on the bed.
"Been looking forward to this, Chief?" Jim asked with tender amusement.
"All day," Blair swore fervently.
Jim got down to business, firmly massaging Blair's shoulders, enjoying the feel of smooth golden skin under his fingers. Not to mention the sexy little sighs and moans, coupled with the sensual wiggles.
Finally Jim gentled his touch, stroking soft circles on the supple skin. "All right, Blair?"
"Hmm," Blair hummed. He turned his head on the pillow, looking up at Jim with uncertain eyes. "Can I ask you something?"
Jim tugged Blair's soft shirt down. "Sure."
"Do I... Can you..." Blair broke off, rose suffusing his skin, and Jim braced himself for another bizarre theory or terrifying question. He just didn't think he was up to debating whether or not cosmic forces were controlling their lives, or if instead their fates were predestined.
"Can you... smell me?" Blair asked in a rush.
Jim blinked in surprise. "I always smell you, Chief," he answered honestly.
"No," Blair dismissed. "I mean now. You know..." he widened his eyes dramatically. "Now."
"Ah, I see." Jim pushed a stray curl back behind Blair's ear. "You don't smell bad, Chief. I promise. Just... different."
"Really?"
"Really. And you know, you can just ask me for a back rub when you have cramps," he chided fondly. "You don't have to hint."
"Great," Blair smiled. "Then can I book you in advance?"
"Same time tomorrow, Chief," Jim promised, and then, unable to resist, he leaned forward and laid a soft kiss on slightly parted lips. "Night."
"Night, Jim," Blair murmured softly behind him.
Even though it was late, Jim grabbed a beer and headed out to the patio. It was a cool clear night, the stars over the bay, bright and twinkling. Jim relaxed against the wall, considering the plan he was coming up with. Was Blair right, was he really a slave to his Sentinel instincts? Was that why he was so sure about this?
And if he was, could that be such a bad thing? After all, he was a man who had survived incredible odds to reach this place. And he'd done it by relying on his instincts.
Should a man even try to separate those two parts of himself? His instincts and urges were a part of him, slice him in half and like an ancient tree he would be layers of impulses and reflexes and habits and behaviours. What he was and what he knew drove his life, he could no more stifle that part of himself than he could willfully stop breathing.
Jim couldn't help grinning at his own reasoning. At this point he had the feeling he would come up with any argument it took to convince himself he was justified in trying to seduce Blair.
Seduce.
Blair.
Jim crouched down on the slate tiles, squatting comfortably, beer bottle hanging comfortably loose between his fingers. Through the railings he watched the restless sway of the water, Sentinel sight picking out the silvery trails of tiny fish darting around the old condemned dock.
Seduce.
Blair.
A few weeks ago those two words would never have entered his head in the same sentence. But a few weeks ago Jim's eyes and mind had been firmly closed to this new world that seemed to have opened in front of him. He had been content with his relationship with his partner, disproportionately content, considering how limited it seemed now, in retrospect.
Now that relationship seemed so restricted, so confined. A whole new level of closeness had sprung up between them, and Jim found that he liked it.
Touching Blair had always been one of his favourite hobbies, tweaking soft curls, patting firm shoulders, even rubbing that trim masculine belly. Now, looking back, Jim could only marvel at his own obtuseness. Even then there had been a thread of sensuality running through their relationship.
But Blair had been a man then, and therefore he was a partner, a buddy, a colleague, a friend. Best friend. Jim had never even considered considering the possibility of anything else.
Now Blair was a woman, at least for a little while, and Jim's blinders had been lifted away.
Jim considered what might happen when this year was over, but quickly dismissed the thought.
He couldn't live for next year. He had to live in the here and now, beyond that he couldn't, no, wouldn't think about.
********
Jim finished the massage, his heart beginning to pound. The time had come, and his hands were trembling with nerves.
"Hey, Chief?" he said softly.
"Hmm," Blair hummed in languid satisfaction.
Jim leaned over the small of the young woman's back, breathing in his unique Blair-scent. He skimmed up the backbone, so close he could feel the heat emanating from the skin, until he was leaning slightly over Blair's shoulder, lips next to his ear.
"When were you going to tell me your period was over?" he whispered.
Blair started in surprise and tried to sit up, but Jim's stroking hands held him down gently, he lips turning slightly, brushing a curl covered ear.
"It's okay," he murmured reassuringly.
"Jim," Blair whispered haltingly. "What are you doing?"
"Seducing you," Jim breathed, directing his soft stream of breath into Blair's ear, feeling him shiver beneath his hands.
Blair turned his head, eyes meeting Jim's. "I told you," he whispered yearningly. "We can't."
"You told me you don't want to get pregnant," Jim said, lifting Blair's hair and tracing his sensual scent along the tender curve of his neck to his other ear. He sifted the soft brown curls through his fingers, before breathing his next words into Blair's other ear. "Blair. There's so much we can do that doesn't mean risking that."
Blair turned his head blindly, seeking the soft sound of Jim's voice. Now his body was visibly shaking, passion darkening his eyes to sapphirine fire. "Jim," he faltered.
"Just say no, baby," Jim said against Blair's cheek, lips moving, tasting, seeking. "Just tell me no and I will walk away, I swear. We don't do anything you don't want to do."
"Jim," Blair said more firmly. He turned, and this time Jim didn't stop him, pulling back and letting him face him, head still resting on his snowy white pillow. "Look at me, Jim."
Jim let his gaze rove over the flushed, pointed little face. Red dashed the cheekbones, subtle dimples flashed in and out as Blair compressed his wide, sensual lips. "I'm looking," he said dreamily.
Blair's strong hands shot up, holding Jim's face so that their eyes met. "No," he said firmly. "Look at me!"
Jim sharpened his gaze, seeing the determination in Blair's familiar eyes. "I am looking, Blair."
"Then see me," Blair emphasised. "Me, Blair Sandburg. Because inside I'm still the same, Jim. PMS and ladies underwear aside, somewhere in here is Blair broad shoulders, hairy chest and hung like a bear Sandburg."
Jim smiled tenderly. "Come on," he chided. "Like a bear, Chief?"
"I'm serious!"
Jim stroked back rumpled curls. "So am I," he said soberly. "I've never confused you with B.J, Blair. That's just a name you made up to survive this year with me. I may have changed how I look at the outer package, but inside you're still the same person, and I've never forgotten it. Not for a minute."
Blair's eyes swept closed for a moment, and when they opened they were full of pain. "The outer package is who I am too, Jim. What happens when this year is over?"
Jim swept back the curls again, lingering on the broad intelligent forehead. He dropped a kiss there, speaking against the soft skin. "I wish I had an answer for you, Chief. But I don't."
"So what are we doing here?" Blair said desperately.
Jim lifted his legs and lay next to Blair, arms wrapping around him. He sighed. "Making love?" he suggested.
Blair leaned on one elbow, looking down at him. "And you'd be happy with that? Just... foreplay?"
"Well, I hope to get in some after-play too," Jim joked gently. "Penetration isn't everything, Chief."
Blair stroked his thumb along Jim's lips, sighing as Jim opened his mouth, engulfing the digit and suckling gently. "I've never made love with a man before," he confessed. "As a man or a woman. Your body..."
Jim took Blair's small hand and laid it on his chest. "This body?"
Blair swallowed hard. His hand smoothed over the fabric of Jim's shirt, sliding in between two buttons, stroking over smooth skin. Jim closed his eyes, feeling fire where Blair's skin met his.
"Is a man's body," Blair breathed. "You're making love to a woman, it's all familiar territory to you."
"I'm making love to you, Blair," Jim corrected. "Everything is new to me."
Blair locked his eyes on Jim's as he unfastened the top button. "Don't roll me over," he ordered. "Don't lay on top of me."
Another button was loosened, and the shirt was soon open to Jim's waist. He held his breath as Blair spread it wide, studying his chest. His heart was pounding so hard he was surprised the young woman couldn't see it through his skin, and sweat was breaking out, making his smooth skin shine.
"Let me explore you," Blair continued, eyes devouring. He cupped one of Jim's broad pecs in his hand and stroked the pink bud with a gentle/rough thumb. It peaked beneath his touch. "I can't forget your lips on my nipple," Blair told him dreamily.
Jim clenched his muscles against the urge to grab Blair and roll him beneath him. "How... how did it feel?" he choked.
"I'll show you," Blair said, speaking and leaning over in one breath, so that his last word was spoken as his lips engulfed the hard pebble. He suckled, teeth gently scraping, fingers cupping Jim's chest like a small breast.
Jim, never particularly sensitive there, felt like the top of his head was coming off. "Oh god, Blair," he moaned.
Blair leaned back, admiring his handiwork, his cheeks as red as Jim's nipple. He blew on the moistened nub, and it contracted. "And now the other one," he lectured, and Jim was thrown back to days before, when Blair's hands had guided his lips to his neglected nipple.
Harder than he'd ever been, Jim arched up, needing to touch his cock, needing to relieve the tight prison it was confined in.
Blair pulled back, glancing down thoughtfully. "Ouch," he said softly. "I know how that feels." He smiled into Jim's eyes, and the Jim looked back dazedly. "Trust me, Jim. I won't hurt you."
And Jim clenched his fists and trusted that Blair wouldn't hurt his tender flesh as he gently slid one hand into his waistband, pressing the eager tumescent flesh as he eased the top button of Jim's jeans open and slid down the zip.
"Please, Blair," he babbled. "Please."
Blair cupped his testicles in a sure hand, blowing on the angry red head. "I know this," he said slowly, delight dawning on his face. He looked up at Jim. "I know this, Jim."
Even through his red hot haze of passion Jim was capable of understanding Blair's words. He threaded his fingers through tumbled curls. "Good, Chief," he choked.
A wide smile covered Blair's passion flushed cheeks. "Let me show you," he offered.
And he did.
Afterwards all Jim could do was lie on his back, groaning in satisfied gratification. He opened one eye, blushing slightly at the sight of a grinning Blair sitting cross legged on the bed next to him.
"Not bad for a first time, ey?" Blair said smugly. "At least, first time not on the receiving end."
"World class," Jim croaked. "But wasn't I supposed to be seducing you?"
"Oh, you did," Blair assured him with wide-eyed innocence. "You big he-man you."
Jim tugged Blair down next to him, growling weakly. "Give me one second and I'll return the compliment," he promised.
Blair shook his head, his smug grin growing wider. "You already did," he revealed. "Indirectly."
"You came?" Jim asked in surprise.
"Twice," Blair said happily, winking. "I'm serious, Jim. Multiple orgasms might just begin to make up for torturous underwear and that whole icky period thing."
Jim tucked that smugly grinning face into his neck. "All without the risk of pregnancy," he added.
Blair outright snuggled. "Maybe I'm going to enjoy this year after all."
Jim stroked a rounded hip possessively. "I know I will."
End of Part Eleven
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