It is a privilege to be invited to share my life story through the family's 1st edition of newsletter. I used to have a dream that one day I will be able to tell my life story and some where along the way, it will benefit someone - and now I am actually sharing it with you - our family members.
You see, the word "Family" means so much to me because it is everything to me. I am prepared and will always in the future defend any members of my family and protect and help them in any way I can. My happiness is to see ala my family and friends happy.
When I look back at my life, it is very difficult to sum up my 30 years into a 1000 words or a 30 minutes talk. Not only that but it is also a challenge to decided and choose which part of my life to include in this very special edition.
As you all know, I was born into Faydang's family (the first son of grandpa Nyiaj-lue), being the second girl and the number 6th child. I was born into a very unique family and each and every one of my brothers and sisters hold a very special place in my heart.
My brothers are by heroes, they are everything that I look up to in searching for a life partner. I always want my partner to have their qualities and it is so great that I achieved that because my life partner is such a combination of all my brothers. He is kind and gently, loving and understanding, calm and protective. My two sisters, on the other hand are my best friends. Xiongmy looked after me well when I was young. Even though we live in different countries, I always think of her and she knows that we will be there for her if she ever needs us. My younger sister Mao is always there for me when I need her.
Family support is the most wonderful thing in life. I do not really know what I will do if I have to live without my family. We are such a great team. We argue but with reasons. We support each other because we believe in the family unity.
My childhood was something that I will always cherish. At the age of 5, my father decided to send Xiongmy (my older sister) and me to join my older brothers whose lived with uncle Thaochay's family in Vientiane. We lived with his family for a few years then move to our new house. As you all know, uncle Thaochay was very rich. They lived in a two double story mansion where as us, we lived in a second wooden house with three separate rooms, at the same property. Our brothers and sisters shared one room. I still remember, it was a light green colour building. We had to get up early to sweep the yard before going to a near by temple school.
I suppose, our parents taught us at the very early ages, the principle of surviving and hard work that; "There is no free lunch " we have to work hard and pay the price according to the prize.
While we lived with uncle Thaochay's family, I used to have a dream of having the beautiful dresses my cousins were wearing or have the kind of food that they were having. I was so sick of eggs and tuna fish and steamed rice.
The feeling of moving to our own house was great. We live with Nao Khue, my 2nd eldest brother and sister in law- Nyab khwb.
I would like to say that all our in-law are very special to us and they are the best that our brothers and sister could ever ask for.
Pao's wife - Natrudy is a living example for that. She only wants the best for her sisters and brothers in law. She invests a lot into us. She loves us and lets us grow at our own pace where as Blong's wife - Ntxhi always makes you fell very special and comfortable to be with. She is the sort of lady that always says; "Can I do anything for you?" Nao Khue's wife - Mai Nyoua is a second mother to us. I am sure that everyone of us would agree, she is one of the most caring in-law. We miss her dearly and know that she always thinks of us and worries about us. Phia's wife - Mayouri, I have not met her but from what I have heard and through her contact with me and the family, I have to say that, we need someone like her - a leader. We need her because she is strong and has a sense of perfection with a caring attitude. I am looking forward to meet her and I have no doubt in my mind that she will be liked what I picture her. Xiongmy's husband - Lue is also always makes you feel very special when you were with his family. He is thoughtful and caring.
The Saykao's girls were born as Leader. I mean it! Look at all the girls - uncle Nengchue's and Thaochay's girls and us - we all have one thing in common- A very strong personality, stubborn, independent , confident and intelligent. So it is probably because of the strong personality, we tend to dominate our husbands without knowing why and when we do it, until it becomes so obvious. But that is our natural characters so, "Guy please do not take us so seriously. We love you guys so dearly and it is always happened that you would be hurt more by the person who love you the most - your lovely wife."
On May the 13th 1978 my parents took us to Australia. We landed at Melbourne Airport at 5.00 am. We were very excited as you can imagine! We had never been to a very big city before and just the thought of coming to Australia - another country - it was exciting!
It was a very difficult decision for my father to make as he had many options. He could go to France where the majority of our family lives or go to the US where our extended family lives. He did not choose any of those countries. He wanted us to come to Australia - a land of opportunity and choices. Dad always said that he wanted the best that life can offer for his children. Because he did not have a chance to go to school, he had to learn the hard way- that was why he was illiterate. He wanted all of his children - boys and girls to have the opportunity he missed out on.
What he did for us was the best investment that any parents could have done for their children. He did not leave any inheritance or will for us but what he left for us was something hat was more important and of value - The Principles Of Surviving"
On October, 18th 1979, just one year, five months and three days after we arrived in Melbourne, my father was forced to leave this world. No one was anticipated for his departure but it was nothing anyone of us could have done to stop him going. He had run away from war and all the different kind of challenge successfully through out his life but this time, he was unable to run away from death.
It was unfortunate that he did not live long enough to share our success and our freedom, the freedom that he had been fighting and searching all his life for his children - you and I - US.
I learnt early through life that if you want something bad enough, you will find the way to get it - "When there is a WHY there is always a WAY" My marriage to Vangmar was not a pleasant one. When I made the decision to spend my life with him, I did not take too much notice of what other people (especially my family members) thought and said. I just followed my heart and believed in myself and my decision. I knew it was a very big step and risk to walk away from the family that I have grown up with to someone that I only knew for a few years and I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with him. Anyway, I took that step at the expense of myself. I was willing to face and live with the consequences. I took other people's laughter and rejection as my motivation and was committed to make the marriage work. Now I look back and proud to say that Vangmar and I are still together.
On the 5th August 1983, our first son was born. We were searching a name for him and the name Augustin came up so we named him "Augusting Koobmeej " He was born six weeks premature and only weighed 1.54 kg (See Augy's story later). Fourteen months later, on December the 5th 1984, our second son was born. We named him "Austin Vamleej". He was also born premature 4 weeks and weighed 2.10 kg. During these two pregnancies I developed high blood pressure and both boys were born by caesarean section (See Austin's story later).
The turning point of my life came on October 30th 1987. On this day something traumatic happened in my life - it was the motor car accident that nearly claimed the life of Vangmar and my two boys. The nurse from the hospital rang me at work and asked me to go to the hospital because my two sons were involved in a car accident.
I jumped into my car and drove as fast as I could to get there. The distance from where I worked to the hospital is 30 km and I made it to there, in less than 20 minutes. I did not see any red traffic lights nor any policeman. You see, when your dream is big enough nothing is counted or stood on your way. When you are totally focused, your fear vanishes, the distance seems troubleless. I was not afraid of passing through the red light or getting a fine from speeding. I did not focus on the obstacles - I was totally focused on my dream "My two boys - in hospital"
When I got here I nearly fainted. Augustin was unconscious and had blood all over his body. He was lying in a tiny bed without any clothes on. His face was all bruise and blood was running down to his ears. There were tubes every where in his body. The doctors did not say a word to me. Two nurses pulled me out from the room because I was crying and just could not control myself. I turned to one of the nurses and said; "Where is my younger son?" One of the nurses said that it would be best for me not to see him right now. I was so angry, infact I was furious. I said to her that I did not care. I just wanted to see him. So they took me to the next room. The moment that I opened the curtain, all I could see was, a tiny little boy's eyes staring at me - it was Austin's! It was liked he was begging me to help him but could not talk. I looked at his eyes and there were tears running down with blood. There was blood all over his face, shoulder and chest. There were also tubes in his nose and mouth. It was the most horrify thing in life to see two of my babies in such a non describing condition. I pray and hope that no mother will never experience this.
After seeing the two boys, I asked for Vangmar and they said he was still trapped in the van. The rescue team could not get him out to the van. They were still waiting for another two ambulances and a special van with the electric saw to help cut the car to free him.
I prayed and prayed to god. I asked our grand parents to help protecting them. I was torn between the three of them. "Should I go and see Vangmar at the accident scene by leaving g my two boys whose future lives are unknown? But if I do not go now, I may not see him again! What should I do?" You see, when you are in this position, it is extremely hard for you to choose and define who is more important than who. Of course, everyone of them is equally important to me. I thought that Vangmar would never want me to leave his children - he loves them too much. I stood for a while and tried to think only the good thing, the positive things.. "Yes, they will pull through. Yes, they will make it because they are fighters!"
The doctors were not prepared to make any comment to me. No one was speaking at all. Everyone looked so serious and were running between the two boys' rooms. I needed an answer. I needed to know how severe they were. I rang Pao and said that he had to drop everything and came to the hospital immediately because the boys were involved in a car accident and the doctors were not saying anything, maybe the doctors might said something to him because he is the doctor, too. Pao arrived 20 minutes later, just in time for the hospital to transfer the boys to the Children's Hospital. At the same time Aunty Thaochay and Daoving also came. The three of them went along to the accident scene where Vangmar was still trapped. I went along with one of the ambulance which had Augustin in it. Augustin was the most serious one. He had a closed head injury, a broken leg and small fracture in his left eye-bow.
The two ambulances left for the Children's Hospital. The siren started to sound and lights were flashing. I sat in the front seat but still able to hear very soft spoken words between the nurse and doctor behind the back of the ambulance with Augustin; How is his pulse?" asked the doctor. "It's getting weak." replied the nurse. "Can you speed up a little bit!" called the doctor to the driver. These words haunted me and kept repeating over and over until we go to the Children's Hospital. At the ambulances station, a team of doctors and nurses were waiting at the main entrance. The lifts were left opened. They wheeled the two bed straight into the lifts and up to the theatres in less than five minutes.
The doctor later came to me and asked me to sign the consent forms. He did not say in so many words but only said; "We will do our best!" I guessed that was enough to keep me going for the next hour.
I was left in the room with a social worker and a couple of nurses who treated me so special and made sure that I would go trough as little pain as possible.
An hour later, Pao, mum and Mao came to the hospital and told me that Vangmar was okay. He was still conscious but was also taken straight to the operating theatre.
Well, there was not mus I could do, three of them were fighting for their lives, but I never had any doubt in my mind that they would not pull through. I was so positive, I knew, they would make it through the night.
Pao as a doctor did not say much. I supposed he knew too much - the complication that could arrive and he was too frighten to say anything. The only thing he said to me was "the first 24 to 48 hours from now is extremely crucial. You have to believe in faith and time would be the judge of the out come."
A few hours later, the two boys were wheeled out from the operating room. Their heads were covered with bandages. Augustin's left leg and arm were covered in plaster. There were two big machines with lots of tubes and electric devices sticked to both of their chest areas and beside the machines there were two monitors. At first I did not know what the machines were used for. I learnt from Pao later that there were the breathing machine. "What breathing machines?" I was totally lost. Was it meant that they were not able to breathe? The doctor had to come and explained to me that because the two boys' heart conditions were very weak, they had to use a machine to do the job so that the heart could have a rest. Their conditions were very serious as both boys had skull fracture and severe head injury. I could not help myself by asking "What if...." The doctor smiled and said; "I got a felling that they will pull through." That was the best thing that I could have heard all day. It was somehow a small relief to hear the doctor gave a ward of assurance and encouragement. I needed to hear this. I was definitely giving the energy to live on.
After seeing the boys, there was nothing more I could do. I left them in the ICU room and went to see Vangmar in another hospital. The family - Mum, Pao and Mao took me there. It was 11.30 pm and Vangmar was still in the operating theatre. He had been there for nearly 5 hours. We waited in front of the theatre and soon the nurses wheeled him out from the operating room slowly. I could not recognize him at all. His face was covered - infact half of his body was covered either in bandage or plaster. His face had to be done by plastic surgeon because it was a head on collision and it was with a semi-trailer. So his face was covered by the smashing of the front glasses and mirrors. Can you imagine hundreds and thousands of smashed-broken tiny pieces of glass covering your whole face? The surgeon had to move piece by piece of the broken glasses from his face. His upper leg as also broken and his kneecap was badly smashed. His left arm was also broken which effected the movement of his left had and fingers. The only area that had not been badly effected was the area of his chest and head.
I was liked the three of them were reborn again. After the accident, they had to learn how to walk, stand and balance themselves. It was a very slow progress but with the help and encouragement of the family, they soon make slow progress and gradually, day by day, week by week month by month and year by year, they were able to return to their normal lives. But the memory of the accident will stay with them and me and the family forever.
During this difficult time, I was in debt to my family - not just the one in Australia but all around the word. Thank you so much for all the encouragement cards, support phone calls and flowers. Family as I said early means so much to me - to be with them is to be happy and to be without them is to be lost. It is so true, I do not know what I would do in these circumstances if it was not for all your support - the family's support. I owe it so much to you and it is something that will always remain in my heart.
The accident taught me a lot about life, especially the importance of time spending and sharing with people who you love. We should never waste anytime arguing. We should always make time for family and this should be one of our top priority in our list. Money is important but what's the use if during the process of earning the hundreds and thousands of dollars your family is falling a part or what's the use if you do not have a family to share your wealth. The family's attitude is far more important than the family's budget.
In 1989, I enrolled myself into the "University of Life" and currently I'm still studying and learning about Success Principles. Self development and how to become a better person, a better mother and better wife. We never learn anything about this sort of topics a school, no wonder some of us has so much challenges going through life.
At the University of Life, it teaches you everything about life - not only teaching but you are learning to experience and do it yourself at the same time. It is an going apprenticeship.
It is amazing how these success principles and the surviving principles that our parents taught us early in life - there are the same principle.
I must conclude my story for the time being. I is a pleasure to share it with you "The Family". I hope in some very small way it will help you to understand me better and feel more close to me than before. Please remember that this is only the beginning of your journey. We are family and we will always be family forever. It is a bond that can not be separated even if we want to. The only last thing that I'd like to leave with you is "Family is the most important thing in life". You must do whatever you can to help and protect them. You are not going to be any better off by pulling and tearing other family members down. The only way that would raise you up is to praise, encourage, love help and serve them. You see, to be a leader is not easy. It involves a lot of hard word "To be a leader you must first learn to be a servant!"
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